The Project Gutenberg eBook of Telephoning to Santa Claus, by John D. Macdonald.

(For telephone use box ten by fifteen inches or larger. Fix it to an upright that can be moved out on the platform. Have one end fixed like trap door. Tie skates to muff about one foot apart. Shove muff in box first and then skates. Put electric or bicycle bell on box. Run heavy cord to the window for telephone wire. Have mouthpiece on box, and have box high enough so that the speaker must stand on a chair. Have a receiver or an imitation quite a way from the box—perhaps six or seven feet. Do not hurry.)

Esther (seated in small rocker). This is Christmas Eve, Mabel, and I suppose that Santa Claus has his pack all made up, and is off with his reindeer to visit all the good little boys and girls all over the world. I do hope he will be sure and come to (name your own town or city), because I want something very much this year. Just think, last Christmas I laid awake most all night to see him, but I didn’t see him at all. I don’t know when he got in the house or how he got out, but he just fooled me, that’s what he did.

Mabel. No doubt he’s started on his journey by this time. I think he must ride like the wind to get all over the world in a night. Why it took all night and a day for us to go to Aunt Ella’s last Thanksgiving time, and that’s not so far as around the world. But I would like to see Santa this year so I could tell him what I want. They say if Santa Claus knows what you want he will almost always bring it to you.

Esther. Yes, I know he will, because Maggie Brown wrote to him last year and told him that she wanted a pony and a cart and he brought it to her.

Mabel. And Tommy Carter wrote to him, too, and told him that he wanted a bicycle and he got it, too. I guess Santa is a nice old man.

Esther. And Mrs. Santa must be a nice old lady, too, or she wouldn’t dress all those nice dolls for Mr. Santa Claus.

Mabel. It’s too bad that we did not write to him last week, and then he surely would have gotten our letter.

Esther (rising up and putting doll in the chair). Mabel, why not telephone to him? Papa has a long distance telephone, and I talked away down to New York through it once, and I guess if cousin Mary could hear me in New York, Santa Claus ought to hear me in Santa Claus Land.

Esther. Yes, but I remember just how I did it. You just ring the bell, and talk in the box, and listen for the answer. Let’s try it, anyway.

Mabel. All right, we will, but he may not be at home. He must start early to travel so far.

Esther. I will ask Mrs. Santa Claus anyway. Now let’s do it quick, before any one comes in.

Mabel (getting a chair for Esther to stand on). Here Esther, you must stand upon this chair. Now be careful not to fall off.

Esther (gets upon chair). Now you take the receiver and stand over there (points) and listen to what she says (Esther rings.)

Mabel. She says “no,” he isn’t. He has gone on a journey to visit all the good boys and girls.

Esther. Hello, hello, Mrs. Santa Claus. Does Mr. Santa Claus only make one trip on Christmas Eve?

Mabel. She says “yes,” that is all he makes. Ask her to send some one after him to catch him, because we want something very special.

Esther (rings again). Hello, Mrs. Santa Claus, will you please send some one after Mr. Santa Claus, to tell him that we want something special?

Mabel (waits a moment). She’s not there yet, Esther. Ring her up again. (Esther rings quite hard.) Now she is there, and she wants to know why we bother her so on Christmas Eve.

Esther. Mrs. Santa, please send some one after Mr. Santa, and tell him that we are two good little girls, and we want a muff and a pair of skates, and some candy canes as long as your arm. Now don’t forget, Mrs. Santa—a muff, and skates, and candy canes as long as myself.

Mabel. She says that Santa is too far away, and nobody could catch him now. And she says that we must not bother her any more as she is busy making her Christmas pies.

Mabel (frightened). Oh, Esther, Mrs. Santy will be awfully angry with us. Let’s go away.

Mabel. No. (Esther rings harder than before.) Now she is there and she wants to know if it is the same two little girls.

Esther (into the phone). Yes, it’s Mabel and me, and we want Santa Claus to bring us some skates, and a muff and candy canes as long as a fishing-pole.

Mabel. She says that we must be good or Santa won’t come to (name your town) tonight at all. We bother her a lot, she says.

Mabel. She has gone away again, Esther. Let’s not bother her any more or she may send some one after Santa to tell on us.

Esther. I want to know if Santa is coming to (your town) tonight, anyway (rings long and several times).

Mabel (frightened). I guess she is angry with us, Esther. Please do let’s stop now. Let’s not ring any more, because I don’t care for the skates, anyway.

Mabel. Yes, and she wants papa to take those naughty girls away from the “phone,” or Santa won’t come to (your town) tonight. Please do stop ringing, Esther. (Listens.) Oh, Esther, I think I hear papa coming, and he will be angry, too.

Esther. No, papa won’t be angry, he would like to have us get our muff and skates. (Ring, rings and rings.)

Mabel (during the ringing). Oh, Esther, oh, Esther! She says to stop that ringing!!

Esther (stamping her foot, keeps on ringing). I’m mad with her, Mabel (then into the phone). Mrs. Santa—Mrs. Santa—do you hear, Mrs. Santa? Do—you—hear—Mrs. Santa? We want our muff, and our skates, and the candy canes as big as a house. Do—you—hear, Mrs. Santa? Mrs. Santa! I want my muff[7] and skates. (Rings while talking.) I am mad with you, Mrs. Santa. I want my muff. (Here pull the trap and the skates drop out, pulling the muff also. Esther jumps down from the chair, Mabel drops the receiver. They seize the skates and muff and say, as they hold them up): We’ve got them. We’ve got them, the skates and muff, the skates and muff!

CHRISTMAS PLAYS

(+) OLA: OR A CHRISTMAS PRESENT FOR MOTHER. In this little 15-minute play the Christmas present the three children of the “Good” family find for mother is none other than “Ola,” a street waif who comes in to get warm while mother is out shopping. Alta, the only girl in the family, has been wishing she had a sister to share the trials which two (2) wideawake brothers bring to her, so she has a double motive in wanting to hide Ola away when mother comes and then bring her out and present her as a Christmas present to mother. Only five characters, 2 boys, 2 girls, and 1 woman, required. No special costumes needed, and the one home scene is simple to provide. Five copies required. Price 30 cts., postpaid.

(+) MISCHIEVOUS ESTHER AT GRANDMOTHER’S. It was all Grandmother’s fault. Having so many nice things hidden about the house at Christmastime should not be permitted, when the grandchildren are to be left in the house alone while grandmother goes out for the afternoon. Of course the boys were not mischievous, not even curious, but with Esther it was different, for she was a girl. She was a very sweet one though, especially when the molasses she got into was all over her apron. It was Christmastime and everything ends right during this happy season, so putting the soiled apron into the box from which she took the kitten and putting the kitten into the wash basin intended for the apron was only a slight mixup, from which mischievous Esther would soon clear herself. Three characters, 1 girl and 2 boys, 12 years of age, are employed. A simple sitting-room scene; no special costumes; time about 15 minutes. 3 copies only required. Price 25 cts., postpaid.

TELEPHONING TO SANTA CLAUS. A Christmas dialogue for two (2) girls, ten (10) or twelve (12) years of age, who conceive the idea of using the telephone to tell Santa Claus what they most want, and suffer no great surprise when the very things asked for reach them through the “phone.” A simple sitting-room scene in which a make-believe “phone” is installed furnishes the setting. Time of rendition about 10 minutes. Price 25 cts., postpaid.

(+) WHAT CHRISTMAS DID FOR JERUSHA GRUMBLE. Self-confessedly, she was only 58, but for years she had acted like sixty, that is to say,—oh well, in nature she had been true to her name, and when one’s nature suggests a name like hers, it’s quite a job to change it. She couldn’t forget that, many years before, she had expected to change her name, but, oh well, it wasn’t her fault, and Christmas came along and helped her to cover up the past and open a new future for her. Of course it couldn’t change her name, but this little play tells how very effectively it did change her nature, and then the contrast between name and nature was a charm in the hitherto repulsive life. It’s a pretty story, made into a pleasing Christmas play. There are five characters, all girls; two scenes, easily arranged. Quite ordinary costumes are used and only 5 copies of the book required. Time about 30 minutes. Price 30 cts., postpaid.

(+) WANTED—CHRISTMAS SPIRIT. In Prolog, Three Scenes and Epilog. By Hester L. Hopkins. 22 females and 13 male characters in the entire play, but it can be given with 8 females and 7 males by having some assume different characters in various scenes. Time of rendition, 30 to 40 minutes. If only 15 people take part, 12 copies will be required. Price 30 cents per copy, postpaid.

(+) CHRISTMAS CHEER. A play in two acts for six females. Time of rendition about 20 minutes.
Four young ladies are the members of a Sunday School class whose teacher has asked that each member of the class shall do something to bring “Christmas Cheer” to someone who would not otherwise be remembered. Each of the girls, unbeknown to the other members of the class, decides to make the “Jones Family” the object of her Christmas visit.
It turns out to be quite a “Surprise party.” While one of the girls prepares the Christmas pie, the others of the class provide a pleasant entertainment. When the Christmas pie is cut, Caroline and Amanda find that it is filled with the presents which the class brought. Simple setting and costumes. 6 copies required. Price 25 cents. Postpaid.

If the number of copies specified as “REQUIRED” is ordered at one time, a discount of 33⅓ per cent will be allowed from list price on all the above.