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Title: The life and adventures of Guzman D'Alfarache, or the Spanish Rogue vol. 2/3

Author: Alain-René Le Sage

Translator: John Henry Brady

Release Date: August 30, 2016 [EBook #52938]

Language: English

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                                  THE

                          LIFE AND ADVENTURES

                                  OF

                          GUZMAN D’ALFARACHE,

                                  OR

                          THE SPANISH ROGUE.

                 TRANSLATED FROM THE FRENCH EDITION OF

                            MONS. LE SAGE.

                         BY JOHN HENRY BRADY.

                            SECOND EDITION.

                 CORRECTED AND CONSIDERABLY IMPROVED.

                           IN THREE VOLUMES.

                               VOL. II.

                                LONDON:

                PRINTED FOR LONGMAN, HURST, REES, ORME,
                  BROWN, AND GREEN, PATERNOSTER-ROW.

                                 1823.

                London: Printed by J. Nichols and Son,
                        25, Parliament-street.




                                  THE

                                 LIFE

                                  OF

                          GUZMAN D’ALFARACHE.




CHAP. XIII.

_From the service of the Cook, Guzman returns to the Begging Trade, and
robs an Apothecary._


Wisdom is better than riches, since Fortune is but a fickle goddess, who
bereaves us one day of what she has bestowed on us the preceding. During
the course of our lives she makes us resemble comedians, who have every
day new parts to study, and must appear in different characters. Who
could have thought that, after having served the cook so faithfully, he
would have turned me out of doors for so trifling an offence? It is
true, that thus the world wags, and that persons of much greater
consequence than myself are constantly treated in the same manner by the
_great_ upon the most trivial occasion, after having rendered them a
thousand services.

Stop, Guzman, cry you, or you will lose yourself in moral reflections.
Whither will this learned discourse lead you? To my basket again, reply
I; yes, my friend, to my basket, which, having now become to me as
useful as eloquence was to Demosthenes, or stratagems to Ulysses,
consoled me under my present misfortune. Long may the basket-trade
flourish, which a man, having once tried, will never fail to resume. I
must candidly confess that when I returned to it I was much in the same
condition as when I was fool enough to leave it; for all the produce of
my former knaveries, during the time I had been scullion, had gone as
lightly as it came, and, with the exception of a finer suit of clothes,
I was no better off than before.

That my returning to my old employment, however, might not be attributed
to my indolent and discontented disposition, I determined, before I
purchased a new basket, to offer my services to some cooks of my
master’s acquaintance, who knew me. If they had received me, it was my
intention to have rendered myself thoroughly knowing in kitchen affairs,
in which I had already made so good a beginning, and for which I might
boast a most happy disposition; but they had heard of my inclination for
gaming, and that nothing was safe within my reach when I wanted money:
and thus, finding there was no chance of obtaining another situation of
this description, I was compelled to resume my former occupation. I
therefore took up my basket again; and though I did not fare so well
among my comrades as at the hotel from which I had been dismissed, yet
I was once more independent, and completely master of my own actions.
Being naturally sober, this sort of life was more adapted to my
inclinations than the other, so that I had but little reason to regret
leaving a house in which I was led into a thousand intemperances.

We basket-bearers had a small row of houses, or rather hovels, near the
market, which we had bought at our own expense. Here it was that we
usually regaled ourselves, and held our merry meetings. I always got up
with the sun, and was ready at every body’s call, by which means I never
failed to secure a profitable day’s work from such of the citizens as
kept no servants, who employed me to carry home the provisions they
purchased; and the faithful manner in which I performed their
commissions soon established my credit in the several markets.

About this time commissions were issued to the different regiments to
raise new levies. When any thing of this nature happens, the report soon
gets abroad, the people assemble in every direction to discuss the
subject, and a council of state is held in almost every house. In ours,
as you may imagine, we canvassed the designs of the Court as freely as
the best of them, and had some politicians among us whose conjectures
were not very far from the truth. Good sense is to be found in every
condition. When we were all assembled at night each reported what he had
heard or seen during the day in the principal families in the city, and
we formed our opinions accordingly; and I can assure you, that though
some among us reasoned absurdly, yet there were others, the solidity and
good sense of whose arguments were fully justified by the occurrence of
events which they predicted. I well remember that, among others, our
fraternity could boast of a certain beggar with wooden legs, who never
left his post on a bridge where he begged the whole of the day, whose
acquaintance with state affairs would have astonished a prime minister.

_We_ concluded then that these new levies that were making, the
destination of which was concealed, must be intended for Italy; and
this, you will see, proved to be true. The first time I heard these
troops mentioned they brought into my mind my intended journey to Genoa,
and made such an impression on my spirits that I did not sleep a wink
the whole night. I felt more anxious than ever to see my relations, from
whom I did not doubt I should obtain a brilliant fortune, every body
telling me that they were exceedingly rich, and many of them without
children; which latter, I considered, would be charmed to have an heir
of so great merit as myself. To these flattering expectations, however,
unpleasant ideas soon succeeded. “How,” thought I, “can I have the
insolence to appear before these noble Genoeses in this miserable dress?
and though I tell them I am their kinsman, are they likely to credit my
assertions? I hope they may be simple enough to believe me; but I fear
they cannot fail to treat me like a rogue and an impostor, if only to
support the honour of the family. Perhaps I may not escape even so well
as this; for my father, who was thoroughly acquainted with the
dispositions of his countrymen, has often said that a Genoese is not to
be trusted in any case where his interest or reputation is concerned.
Still,” thought I, “they may be honest like my father; and I am
persuaded that they will entertain too great a respect for the memory of
their deceased relative, to refuse to assist me in my present
distressing situation. They are too prudent to venture to treat me as an
impostor before they have interrogated me as to our family affairs; and
in this respect I shall be well able to answer, for I can tell them
such particulars as none but my father’s son could possibly be
acquainted with, and which, being not proper to be made public, they
will undoubtedly be obliged to do something for me that I may not
divulge them.”

Thus I wavered betwixt hope and fear. Sometimes I thought that I
flattered myself too much, and at other times that I desponded without
reason. I paused at the latter reflection, which was the more
consolatory of the two, and hoping to fulfil the proverb, which says,
“he that wishes to be Pope, need only fancy himself one,” I resolved to
avail myself of the favorable opportunity which now presented itself of
getting into Italy, by joining the levies that were raising. One day, as
I was sitting at my usual post, reflecting on the pleasures I should
enjoy at Genoa, my agreeable reverie was disturbed by some one who
called me two or three times. I turned round to see who it could be
that was so well acquainted with my name, and perceived that it was an
old Apothecary who had often employed me before. He beckoned me to come
to him, and I ran immediately; but two of my companions, who were nearer
to him, got before me, and proffered their services before I came up. He
however repulsed them sharply, saying, “no, no; get you gone, birds of
prey; this is not a morsel for you, but for my faithful Guzman.” He
little thought he spoke so truly. Then addressing himself to me, who had
just come up, “_open thy basket_,” added he, and he threw into it three
bags of money, which he had with him wrapped in the corner of his cloak.
“To what brazier must I carry all this copper?” quoth I with a smile.
“This copper!” answered the Apothecary, laughing outright; “here’s a
pretty rogue of a beggar, that takes silver for copper. Come, march on,”
continued he, “for I am in haste; I have engaged to pay a foreign
merchant this money to-day, who has sold me some drugs.”

This might have been his intention; but I had formed another to defeat
it the instant I heard those charming words, _open thy basket_. The news
of the birth of an only son causes less joy to a tender parent than I
felt at those sweet words, which engraved themselves on my heart, if I
may so express it, in letters of gold. I looked on these three bags as a
present sent me from Heaven, to enable me to support the part I had to
perform at Genoa, and concluded them already my own. As my man had not
the slightest suspicion of me, being already well convinced, as he
conceived, of my honesty, he walked before, and I followed him,
pretending now and then that I was obliged to rest myself a little, as
if my burthen were too great, although, in truth, I could have wished it
much heavier. I never was so anxious to meet a crowd of people as on
this occasion, or even a sly turning by which I could suddenly disappear
from my unsuspecting friend the Apothecary. We chanced, however, shortly
to pass a house with which I was well acquainted, the front and back
doors of which stood most invitingly open. I could not allow this
opportunity to escape me, but entered instantly, and passed through the
house without meeting with any interruption; and in less than two
minutes had got through two or three streets as though I had wings to my
feet. I then resumed my usual pace, to avoid suspicion, being far enough
from my Apothecary, and walked on as demurely as though nothing had
happened.

In this manner I soon arrived at the gate _de la Vega_, that is to say,
the open country, whence, with the same grave countenance I gained the
bank of the Mançanares; then crossing over to _Casa del Campo_, I
travelled a good league through woods and thickets, and, as night
approached, stopped among some poplars very near to the river, where I
began to consider how I should proceed. “It is not enough,” said I, “to
have begun so well, I must continue in the same manner. Of what use will
this prize be to me if I cannot take care of it now that I have got it?
If I should happen to be nabbed, I shall not only be obliged to refund,
but may lose both my ears to wit; let me, therefore, look out for some
place where I may deposit my money in safety.”

After having looked about for some time I made a hole about two feet
deep at the bottom of the river, and let down my basket and bags of
money into it. Then covering them with large stones, to prevent them
from floating, I set up a stake in the sand near the spot, that I might
be sure of recollecting where my darling treasure lay concealed. After
this grand operation I went to sleep at the foot of a tree hard by,
where I passed the night, not altogether free from anxiety, though
perfectly well satisfied with the reflection that I was now so well off.
When day-light appeared, I hid myself in a thicket until it was dark
again, when hunger, which drives the wolf from the wood, obliged me to
leave my haunts to go and purchase some provisions, not at either of the
villages in the environs, where, in all probability, the Apothecary
would have sent the alguazils after me, but at Madrid itself, where I
could be best concealed. Having a little money in my pocket, independent
of my hoard, I ventured into the town, whence I returned in about three
hours with a hamper containing provisions sufficient for eight days, and
spent the greater part of the night in cramming myself with this good
cheer.

When I awoke the next morning, I felt most curious to examine the
contents of the three bags. In vain did I reflect that it must be the
Devil that tempted me, and that I could not satisfy my curiosity without
running the risk of being observed. I could not help yielding to this
gratification, which was certainly the sincerest I had ever felt in my
life. I advanced to the side of the river, and after having looked on
all sides to see if any body was near, I drew my basket out of the
water, and carried it, dripping with wet as it was, into my place of
retreat. Here I opened my bags, and found about two thousand five
hundred reals in them, all in silver, with the exception of thirty
pistoles in gold, which I discovered carefully wrapped up in one of the
bags. I spent the whole of this day with the sincerest pleasure in
counting my pieces over and over again; and when night came on, I put
the whole into the basket again, and secured them in their former
hiding-place.

As it is not my intention, however, to pretend to entertain my reader
with a journal, I need only add, that, after having concealed myself in
this manner in the wood for a full fortnight, I considered that I had no
longer any thing to fear, and that all the hounds of Justice had by this
time so completely lost scent of me as to have given over their pursuit.
I fished up my treasure again, which I deposited at the bottom of my
hamper, under some fresh provisions which I had been again to Madrid to
procure. As to my basket, I left that in the water with the stones upon
it. I then cut me two good sticks, one to carry my burthen on my back,
and the other I made into a sort of pilgrim’s staff; after which, like a
new pilgrim, I took my route towards Toledo across the fields, thinking
it more prudent to avoid the high roads.




CHAP. XIV.

_Guzman in his way to Toledo meets with a young man: what passed between
them._


I tripped along so briskly, that after two nights trudge, I found myself
in the midst of the _Sagra_, near a wood called Açuqueyca, within about
two leagues of Toledo. I entered this wood, intending to rest there the
whole of the day, that I might not enter the City till night. I sat down
under a shady tree, and began to think in what manner I should spend my
money. I soon determined on so many fine purchases, that four times what
I possessed would have been insufficient to have procured them. It were
impossible to enumerate the variety of visions and fancies that
possessed my mind. I was no longer afraid of appearing before my
relations like a beggar, but now looked forward with pleasure to my
arrival at Genoa, and all the purchases that I made in my mind, were
with a view to cut a most brilliant figure among them.

A stream of clear spring water ran at my feet, with which I found myself
much refreshed, and beginning to feel hungry, I spread my provisions on
the grass for breakfast. Scarcely had I eaten a mouthful, when I heard a
noise, and turning round hastily, I was much alarmed at perceiving a man
close behind me, seated also on the grass, with his head reclining
against a tree. But when I considered him with attention I soon found
that I had nothing to fear. He appeared to be about my own age, but
seemed as raw and inexperienced as if he had not been long weaned from
his mother’s breast. Although he was well dressed and had a large
bundle lying at his side, through which I could discern some clothes and
linen, he looked so unhappy that I judged his purse could not be very
full, and set him down for some knight-errant like myself, who had been
fool enough to forsake his family to wander about the world. We stared
at each other for some moments without saying a word; but when I
observed that he looked with a longing eye on my provisions, I could not
help pitying him. His eager looks reminded me of my own feelings when I
stood before the kind-hearted Monk at the Inn; and I determined not to
be less generous than his Reverence. I, therefore, immediately invited
this young man in the most polite manner to breakfast with me. Shame
prevented him at first from accepting my offer; but when I repeated it,
he laid aside his modesty, and confessed to me that he had not tasted
any thing for the last four and twenty hours. This I found no
difficulty in believing, when I saw in what style he demolished the
meat and the bread and cheese I gave him.

During the repast we inquired of each other concerning our travels. He
told me that he had come from Toledo, and was going to Madrid; and I
acquainted him that I had just come from Burgos and was on my way to
Cordova. He then related a most romantic story about the occasion of his
pilgrimage, and I was not more sincere with him: considering that he was
but a novice, he lied with a very good grace, and by no means disgraced
his countrymen, who have the reputation for wit and smart answers on
every occasion. I asked him, how he came to set out on his journey,
without providing himself with victuals. He replied, that he had not had
time to procure any, having been forced to leave the place with
precipitation, and that he was more laden with clothes than money. “So
much the worse,” said I, “so much the worse; money is the most
necessary commodity for a traveller now-a-days; for even though you were
going on a pilgrimage to St. Jago in Galicia, I would not advise you to
reckon much upon charity, which has grown very cold of late; you will
find something more than your staff necessary to support you by the
way.” “I perfectly agree with you,” replied the Toledan, “and am well
aware of my imprudence in setting out without provisions; but as it
cannot now be remedied, it is useless to regret it.”

“It is in your own power,” answered I, “to repair your neglect, by
disposing of a part of the clothes contained in that large bundle, which
you must find extremely burdensome. Money is more portable.” “Granted,”
said he, “and I need not inform you that it is my intention to sell at
least half of them, as soon as I can find a purchaser.” “Perhaps,”
replied I, “without going any further, you have a man before you who is
willing to relieve you of the greater part of your load, and give you as
much for them as they are worth. Shew me the contents of your bundle,
and I will select such as I am inclined to purchase.” My little
gentleman turned pale at these words; he considered me a knave who
intended to repay myself for the breakfast by robbing him of a part of
his property, or at least, that I was willing to amuse myself at his
expense; for when he surveyed my elegant attire, which was not worth
four maravedis, he could not for a moment think that I was in earnest:
every one is apt to judge in this manner, forming opinions of strangers
from the difference of dress and outward appearances. _Such as I see
you, such I take you to be._

I observed his confusion; or rather, saw plainly that he suspected my
intentions; and as he made no answer, I drew out one of my bags very
deliberately, untied it, and exhibited a handful of reals to his
astonished eyes: “I believe, my little hero,” said I, “that here is
enough to pay for what I wish to buy of you.” The colour was soon
restored to his cheeks at this sight; he immediately left off eating,
and ran to fetch his bundle, saying that all he had was at my service.
At the same time he was proceeding to show me his best suits, but this I
would not permit, until we had finished our meal. His hopes seemed to
serve as a fresh sauce to his appetite, and he fell to again, as though
he could not do sufficient honor to my breakfast; he could scarcely
contain the joy that he felt.

That he might not form an ill opinion of me on account of my appearance,
and to prevent his suspecting that the money which he had just seen was
ill got, I addressed him to this effect:--“Whatever you may take me
for,” said I, “be assured that I am in reality as well born as
yourself. This I have thought fit to inform you, that you may learn not
always to judge of people by their looks. When I left Burgos I had as
good clothes as you, but I sold them in the first village I passed
through, to relieve myself of so inconvenient a burden, and contented
myself with these tattered garments, which would excite the pity, or at
the worst the compassion, of thieves whom a better dress would probably
have tempted. If I had not taken this precaution I should have been
robbed a hundred times ere this, and be at this moment without a single
maravedi in my pocket. As, however, it is my intention to stop at Toledo
for some time in my way to Cordova, I have now immediate occasion for a
good suit of clothes; and if you have any that will fit me, I am ready
to be a purchaser.”

The Toledan, burning with impatience to commence business, with his
mouth still full, began to spread out on the grass a complete suit, the
cloak of which was of most excellent cloth of a light grey colour,
together with two fine shirts and a pair of silk stockings. I tried them
all on, and they fitted me exactly. This the young man did not fail to
tell me, to make me have the better opinion of them. He seemed
apprehensive that my money would slip through his fingers, or that I
should change my mind. He need have been under no such fear, for I was
as anxious to buy as he was to sell, so that our bargain was soon
struck. He asked me a hundred reals, and I agreed to give him this
price, upon condition that he would truck his clothes-bag with me for my
hamper. This he consented to, and I put my money into it, with the two
shirts and the silk stockings. My new clothes I still wore; and I hung
up the old suit and the rest of my rags on a tree, as a trophy of my
success in beggary. The Toledan on his side filled the hamper with his
goods, and the victuals that were left. During all this time, the Sun
was insensibly going down, and the hour of parting having arrived, we
embraced each other with a thousand professions of friendship: after
which we each pursued our particular route, both well satisfied with our
bargain.




CHAP. XV.

_Guzman arrives at Toledo, and acts the man of fortune there. Some
account of his gallantries._


It was past nine o’clock when I entered the famous city of Toledo. I
combed my hair and put myself in order, taking particular pains to rub
the dust off my shoes, that I might with the greater assurance be able
to assert that I came in a coach. I requested to be directed to the
best inn, whither I repaired, requiring my supper and lodging like a
young man of fortune, who troubled himself but little about expence. As
these are the sort of customers who are sure to be well treated at inns,
I was immediately shewn into an excellent chamber with a good bed in it,
and waited upon like any prince. I supped perfectly to my satisfaction,
and slept better than I supped.

The next morning after having taken my chocolate, which I called for in
order to impress them with an opinion of my quality, I desired them to
send for a hatter, a shoemaker and a sword-maker, for it was
indispensable for me to have a new hat, sword, and shoes, to correspond
with the rest of my equipage. But the most essential thing of all, was
to procure a tailor to disguise the suit I had bought as much as
possible, lest when I went abroad I might happen to meet some of the
relations of the young man of whom I had purchased it, which might have
raised suspicions dangerous to me in my present situation. I might very
reasonably have supposed that they would know it again, and perhaps
accuse me of having stolen it, and assassinated the young man. Justice
would then have interfered, and this I had more reasons than one to
dread. I sent, therefore, for a tailor, who in a few hours so completely
disguised the suit, by covering the sleeves with taffeta, changing the
buttons, and putting a velvet collar on the cloak, that the devil
himself could scarcely have known it again.

I paid my tailor handsomely; and well pleased that I could now venture
out without the dread of getting into difficulty on account of my dress,
I took a walk towards the evening in the _Zocodover_, where the
fashionables usually promenade. Metamorphosed as I was, I was not
altogether free from apprehension of meeting some one who might
recognize me. This fear, however, did not prevent my feeling gratified
in observing that I was particularly noticed by the prettiest women of
slender virtue, who, looking upon me as a handsome well-shaped young
fellow who had never yet been to Cythera, appeared most anxious to have
the honour of setting me in the right road; but I had resolution enough
to resist all their seducing glances.

What most surprised me was the extreme neatness of all the gentlemen. My
dress, notwithstanding all the tailor’s endeavours to adjust and
beautify it, appeared so shabby in comparison with those around me, that
I resolved on having another. Just at this moment a gentleman mounted on
a beautiful mule crossed the _Zocodover_, in so handsome and stylish a
dress, that I determined to get one, exactly similar, made for myself.
I could scarcely refrain from sending for my tailor that very night. I
managed, however, to wait till morning, though I never closed my eyes
the whole of the night, so completely was I amused and delighted in
considering how handsome I should look in these new trappings. But when
I reflected on the probable expence of them, I began to hesitate,
notwithstanding the eager desire I felt to appear in them.

“Well, Signor Guzman,” said I to myself, “you presume then to dress
magnificently, and to supplant all the gallants at Toledo! well done,
courage, my friend. Spend your reals without reflecting on the deep game
you have played to possess yourself of them. That is not worthy of your
consideration; all you seem to wish is to get rid of your money, and you
will find it go quick enough. Let a suit be made agreeable to your
fancy, and begin courting the ladies; and you will soon come to your
basket again. Rely upon this; but do not think that you can every day
meet with apothecaries who will allow themselves to be purged like your
friend at Madrid.”

All these wise reflections presented themselves, but without effect;
for, no sooner was it day-light than I sent for my tailor, to whom I
gave the order, after having given him an exact description of the dress
I had seen. He promised to make me one exactly similar, undertaking to
go himself and purchase the materials, and assuring me that I should
have it as soon as possible; for I required him to be as expeditious and
punctual, as though I were going to be married, and only waited for my
wedding clothes. He, accordingly, sent it home two days after, and I had
never seen any thing more stylish and elegant; the gold glittered all
over it. When I put it on, I was in raptures at my handsome appearance,
and the beauty of my figure, which was already perfectly well formed
though scarcely fifteen years of age. I thought that I was the very
image of my father when he was young, having a delicate white and red
complexion like him, with light-brown hair. I should never have been
tired of looking in the glass, though I felt most anxious to go abroad
again to be admired in the city. No one who was not so eminently pleased
with his own figure as I was, could have been fool enough to have
satisfied my tailor without disputing his bill, which I might most
conscientiously have reduced two thirds; but I did not then think that I
could possibly pay too much for so tasteful an equipage. Mine hostess
seeing me superbly dressed, told me I ought at least to have a lackey. I
immediately engaged one, therefore, that looked like a page, for whom I
was obliged to find new clothes, to be worthy of a master of my
importance.

The first Sunday, I failed not to attend the great church, followed by
my lackey, to whom I had given proper instructions that he might do me
honour. The congregation was of the first quality in the city; I thrust
myself in the midst of them with a vast deal of assurance, and visited
all the chapels one after another, which caused many to think that I had
some design in my head; it was, however, only to shew myself off.

I placed myself between the two choirs, having observed that the
principal ladies were always in this part of the church. It was here
that I displayed all the fine airs I had seen practised by other young
fools at Madrid, and which I had performed at least twenty times over in
the morning at my glass. The first thing I did, was to choose a spot
where I could be seen from head to foot. Then I thrust out my breast,
and stood firm upon one leg, while I extended the other in so stiff a
position, that it scarcely touched the ground; shewing by this means my
fine stockings, and that I wore garters of the German fashion which were
then in vogue. As this posture cramped me extremely, I was obliged to
vary it every minute, making divers grimaces at the ladies who looked at
me. I smiled upon one, looked coolly upon another, with languishing eyes
upon a third, and with sparkling eyes upon a fourth. In short, I so far
overacted my part that all the ladies and gentlemen who observed my
manœuvres began to titter at my expence. This I took no kind of
notice of, for I had too good an opinion of myself to imagine that they
could find any thing ridiculous in my behaviour.

All the ladies, however, were not disposed to laugh at my extravagant
airs; there were even some among them completely charmed by my manners;
for, without any offence to women in general, it may, undoubtedly, be
asserted, that there are always many of that sex for whom the most
impertinent coxcomb is as exactly a match as if he had been made on
purpose. Amongst others, I had the happiness to please two beautiful
women who could not refrain from letting me know it. The passion of the
one was created by my looks and grimaces; but as to the favourable
sentiments of the other, I could attribute them only to my stars. The
first of my two conquests was a lively looking woman, who had something
roguish in her eye, and a pleasing face. I ogled her like a novice, and
she seemed by no means displeased; for women always prefer apprentices
in this art to their masters. She returned my tender glances, which
encouraged me to follow her after Mass, that I might know where she
lived. She walked very slowly, to shew me that it would not be her fault
if I let her escape, and I soon came up with her, and now and then as I
walked behind her whispered some soft things to her as well as I was
able at my age. She made no reply, yet now and then turned her head
round, looking at me in such a manner as persuaded me that she dared not
speak for fear of the Duenna by whom she was accompanied.

We at length came to a narrow street near St. Cyprian’s Church where she
lived. In entering her house, she bowed her head to me to let me see
that she was not displeased at my having followed her, and did not
forget to dart an amorous look at me, which filled me with love and
hope. I took particular notice of her house, intending to return without
fail that very day to shew myself before her windows. I then took the
way towards my Inn again with hasty steps.

I no sooner got into another street, than a sort of waiting-woman with a
long thick veil thrown over her, accosted me as I passed along: “Signor
Cavalier,” said she, “I beseech you to follow me; I wish to communicate
something of consequence to you.” I did not hesitate a moment, but
followed her until we both stopped under a large open gateway, when,
seeing that nobody could hear us, she addressed me thus: “Charming
stranger, your appearance is so handsome and prepossessing, that you
will not be surprised when I tell you that a lady of quality who has
seen you at church, is quite enchanted and captivated by your elegant
person, and wishes to have a private conversation with you. This lady is
newly married, and so beautiful that ... but,” added she, breaking off
suddenly, “I will say no more; I must let you form your own opinion when
you see her.”

I swallowed this bait most greedily, and could scarcely restrain the
pleasure that I felt. Affecting, however, to appear modest, I answered,
that I knew not in what terms to acknowledge the honour that her
mistress had conferred on me; that I did not doubt she was a person of
the first quality, and that, therefore, I was most anxious to wait upon
her, and throw myself at her feet to thank her for her good opinion of
me. “Signor,” said the Confidante, “it will be dangerous to think of
seeing her at her own house, for she has a jealous husband: but tell me
where you lodge, and I will engage that to-morrow morning at farthest,
you shall have an interview with her in your own apartments.” I gave her
my address, and she immediately departed to rejoin her Mistress, who,
she said, was waiting impatiently to know whether she had reason to
thank Dame Fortune, or to reproach her.

I now found myself engaged in two love-intrigues; but I felt most
inclined towards the first; not that I was displeased with the second,
for it was most flattering to my vanity. “What an advantage it is,”
thought I, “to be handsome! no sooner have I made my appearance at
Toledo, than two ladies, apparently of the first quality, are already in
love with me. What must be the consequence, then, if I stay here long? I
shall undoubtedly captivate all the women in the City.” I returned to my
Inn full of these pleasing thoughts, which, however, did not prevent my
eating a very hearty dinner; after which I sallied out again as soon as
I was able without being incommoded by the heat of the sun, and flew
towards St. Cyprian, where I paced up and down before the windows of the
house into which my first mistress had entered. Not so much as the
shadow of a woman, however, was to be seen; notwithstanding which I
loitered about until it was quite evening, and my perseverance was at
length rewarded. I saw one of the lower windows half opened, which I
approached, and in a nymph, who presented herself to my eyes in an
undress, I recognized my Princess, who told me, with considerable
agitation, that her neighbours, who were a tattling set, would suspect
something, and besought me to remain no longer in the street, but to
retire for some time, and return in about two hours; that there would be
nobody in the house but herself and servants, and that if I pleased, we
might then sup together. I was overjoyed at this invitation, which I
accepted by kissing one of her hands with an air of tenderness, and at
the same time requested that I might be permitted to contribute my dish
towards the supper. “That is by no means necessary,” answered the lady;
“but as what I have in the house may, possibly, not be to your liking,
you can do as you please in that respect.”

As soon as we had settled these preliminaries, I departed for fear of
attracting the attention of the neighbours, and thereby destroying the
happiness in store for me, and rejoined my page, whom I had ordered to
wait for me at the top of the street, and gave him some money, desiring
him to procure me a fine pullet nicely dressed, two partridges, a
rabbit-pie, four bottles of excellent wine, and some of the choicest
fruits. All this was ready, and sent at nine o’clock precisely, and I
soon followed, was received by my nymph in the kindest manner, and
conducted by her into a neat chamber where she usually slept, with a
handsome bed in it, and I could not help observing under a sort of
pavilion made with rose-coloured taffeta, a large tub, in which I
supposed the Signora occasionally bathed herself. The table was spread
here, and the sideboard decorated with my bottles and fruits. I was well
pleased at the sight of these preparations, which seemed to promise me
an agreeable evening, and could only have wished that my lovely hostess
had been in better spirits; for, in spite of her endeavours to affect
gaiety, I plainly perceived that she was uneasy from some cause unknown
to me.

“My charmer,” said I, “allow me to ask the cause of that sadness which
is so evidently depicted on your countenance, and which it is in vain
for you to endeavour to conceal.” “Fair stranger,” answered she,
sighing, “since I have not been able to conceal my mortification from
you, I confess that I am much vexed at some unseasonable news I have
just received. My brother, on whom I am entirely dependent, who has been
to Court to solicit preferment, has just returned to Toledo; I would
have given you notice of this before, had I known where to send to you;
nevertheless,” added she, “as he is now gone to sup with a lady of whom
he is enamoured, I do not expect him home before midnight. We may at
least have the satisfaction of supping, and conversing together; and I
have the consolation to add that he will return to Madrid in a day or
two, to stay there three months. I should otherwise be inconsolable at
his arrival; for he is a man of the most violent temper, and most
punctilious in affairs of honour. You cannot conceive what a prisoner I
am when he is at home; but, thank God, we shall soon be free from him
for some time to come.” This discourse of hers somewhat moderated my
joy; the unforeseen return of a brother, and one of his disposition,
appeared no laughing matter to me. I felt very far from comfortable,
and, to speak truth, was sorry that I had not had notice of it before.
For although I was not one of the greatest cowards, yet I had much
rather have been obliged to fight in a street than in a house, where I
must of necessity defend myself, or lose my ears. As, however, the evil
was now without remedy, I considered myself called upon to shew my
courage and resolution. I entreated the lady, therefore, to have the
supper served up at all events, adding with an air of intrepidity, that
if her brother came in and interrupted us, he might choose what
proceeding he pleased, but whichever he adopted towards me, he should
find that he had to do with one who would be at least his match. The
supper was then brought in, and we sat down together; but at that
instant we heard a loud knock at the door. “O Heavens!” cried she,
rising from her seat as though she was ruined; “that must be my
brother,--what will become of me?”

You will perhaps imagine, that to support the bravery of which I had
just boasted, I prepared courageously to receive the disturber of our
pleasures as I had resolved; but, on the contrary, I was so surprised
and terrified at his return, that I thought of nothing but preserving
myself from his fury, and was going to creep under the bed; but the
sister, considering that I should be safer in the _tub_, thrust me into
it, and covered me with a carpet. Unfortunately for my laced coat this
tub was wet and dirty, independently of which I was much cramped, and
very far from being at my ease in it.

In the mean time the door was opened to this cursed brother, who had no
sooner entered the chamber, than, astonished, or pretending to be so, at
finding the table and sideboard so well set out, he remained for some
moments without speaking a word; but at length breaking silence; “What
means all this preparation, sister?” said he, in an imperative tone;
“have either of us been married to day, or for whom is this
entertainment meant?” “For you only, whom I have been anxiously
expecting,” replied the trembling nymph. “It is something new,”
continued he, “to treat me with this ceremony. You cannot pretend that
it was to celebrate my return from Madrid, for I sent you word that I
should sup in the city.” “True,” replied the lady, “but you well know,
that you have often come and surprised me after having told me the same
thing; and, if you recollect, you have sometimes been angry that I have
not prepared a supper for you.” “I am by no means satisfied,” replied
the brother, “and I fear much that our neighbours’ slanders are but too
well founded. For a lady of quality you are not sufficiently circumspect
in your behaviour. You are well aware of my delicacy on that point,
therefore be cautious of taking any steps which may wound my feelings;
but,” added he, “let us sit down to supper. I am willing for this
evening to put the best interpretation on your intentions.”

At these words he seated himself at the table, and they both fell to
upon my unfortunate supper. As for him, he kept grumbling all the while
he was stuffing at my expence, and his sister could not utter a single
word but what put him into a passion. He cursed and swore, and whenever
she ventured to contradict him in any thing, he seemed almost mad with
rage, called her every vile name he could think of, and seemed ready to
knock her down. Two or three times in the course of their repast, I
ventured to lift up a corner of the carpet with which I was covered to
take a peep at this terrible fellow; but I was so afraid that he would
see me that I dared not take a full view of him.

Time appeared less tedious to him at table than to me in the tub, and I
could not possibly conceive how so passionate a fellow could remain so
long patient even in eating. He amused himself in this manner, however,
for about an hour; and that hour appeared an age to me. He drank at
least as heartily as he ate, and emptied three of my bottles in the
course of his meal; and when the table was cleared, he called for pipes
and tobacco, to make an end, as he said, of the fourth. Upon this the
lady, wishing to make me believe that she desired to get rid of this
intruder, entreated him to go and smoke in his own chamber, and to leave
her at liberty to undress herself and go to bed; but he answered rudely,
that she might retire whither she pleased, but that for his own part he
felt very comfortable where he was, and intended to pass the night
there.

Hearing this last resolution, I now completely gave myself up for lost;
for I had flattered myself that the least this abominable intruder could
do, after having stuffed himself in this style, was to leave the chamber
as he was requested; and that I should remain alone with his sister, to
pick the bones he was kind enough to leave. I even hoped that the latter
part of the night might prove more agreeable to me than the
commencement, but I did not long remain under this flattering delusion.
The lady, as though she partook of my uneasiness, endeavoured to prevail
on her brother to change his mind, but not being able to succeed either
by tears or entreaties, she left the room with all the appearance of
being much distressed on my account. No sooner had she gone, than her
brother began to behave himself as if he were drunk or mad; sometimes
he would sit very quietly for a few minutes, then jump up and walk and
dance about the room with his pipe in his mouth; sometimes he would
snatch up his sword, and fence against the hangings; whistling, singing,
and talking to himself all this while, and swearing like a Jew,
threatening to exterminate any man who should dare even so much as look
at him.

After having passed above half the night in these extravagances, he at
last threw himself at full length on the bed without undressing, placing
his sword and pistols within his reach, by way of precaution. “God be
praised,” said I to myself, “it will not be necessary, now that he is on
the bed, to rock him to sleep; he will soon begin snoring to his heart’s
content.” I was, however, once more out in my reckoning; his wine had
not the same effect upon him that it has upon others, for, instead of
falling asleep, he did nothing but doze at intervals for the space of
about two hours, starting up every moment, and crying out, who’s there?
as if he heard some noise in the chamber. The only noise that I made,
however, in my tub, was in lifting up a corner of the tapestry, to hear
whether he slept or not, which, in my impatience to quit this cursed
house, I certainly did pretty frequently. Heaven at last took pity on
me. This boisterous hero, at about day-break, fell a snoring most
lustily; and I then slipped from under my tub as quietly as possible,
determined to run all risks rather than remain any longer, and reached
the chamber door on tiptoe, with my shoes in my hand. I raised the latch
very gently, and made haste towards the street-door, and being so
fortunate as to find the key hanging up by it, I opened the door, and
ran all the way home to our inn.

Here I found that nobody was yet stirring, not even my page, who
thinking that I should of course pass the night in the arms of love,
had gone to bed very coolly, without giving himself any concern about
me. As I was not willing to disturb any body, I walked into a
pastry-cook’s shop in the neighbourhood, that was just opening, and
telling the master that I was dying with hunger, requested he would
provide me with something to eat. He answered that he had now in his
oven some little pasties, fit to be presented to the Archbishop of
Toledo, which would soon be sufficiently baked. I determined not to lose
this treat, and while I waited until the pasties were drawn from the
oven, I had an opportunity of reflecting on my late cruel adventure, and
the more I considered it, the more lucky did I esteem myself in having
got off so cheaply.

The pastry cook had not, in my opinion, boasted of his pasties without
reason, for I either found them excellent, or else my appetite gave them
an exquisite taste, which they probably had not. When I left this shop
it was quite day; I entered our inn and hastened to my chamber, where I
lay down on my bed, and at last fell into a sound sleep, after having
tumbled about for two hours without being able to get my late adventure
with the brother and sister, and the characters which they had so well
supported, out of my head.




CHAP. XVI.

_Guzman’s amours continued, and in what manner they ended._


I could well have slept until very late in the morning; but as two
ladies had inquired for me below, one of whom was so richly dressed that
my lackey was quite dazzled by her magnificent appearance, he came up
to my chamber and awoke me to announce this visit. I presently guessed
this must be the waiting-woman whom I had conversed with the day before,
who had kept her promise, by prevailing on her mistress to accompany her
to call upon me. I had no sooner desired my lackey to shew them in, than
a lady of handsome mien and figure entered the room, who by her elegant
deportment and easy manners, could not in my judgment be less than a
Marchioness or Countess. She seated herself in a chair at my bed side. I
sat up in my bed and bowed to her as respectfully as my situation would
admit of, begging her to excuse me for receiving her in this manner, and
adding that I had much rather offend in that respect, than allow a lady
of her quality and merit to wait a moment at the door. “No more
apologies,” said she, “but let us come to the point and content my
curiosity: How long have you been in Toledo? what has brought you
hither? shall you make a long stay in this place?”

These questions, unexpected as they were, were by no means embarrassing
to me, for I had a most fruitful invention on such occasions; I,
therefore, made up so fine a story of my birth and prospects in life,
that I completely succeeded in convincing her of my high quality. One
truth, however, escaped me in the course of conversation, which spoiled
all the effect of my lies; instead of saying that I intended to stay at
least three or four months at Toledo, I told her that I had merely
visited it for a few days’ diversion. I instantly perceived that this
was not exactly agreeable to her hopes. She had evidently formed some
design upon me, which these words disconcerted; and looking upon me, in
consequence, as a mere bird of passage, whom she should soon lose sight
of for ever, she resolved to pluck me as well as she was able before we
parted.

To accomplish her object, therefore, the first thing she did was to
throw off her veil, in an easy and graceful manner, discovering a face
of perfect beauty, and taking great pains to display her delicate white
hands and a part of her neck. She then, with a negligent air, drew from
her pocket a fine coral rosary, to which were attached several relics,
gold crosses and precious stones, and without appearing to have any
design in it, kept playing with this rosary all the while she was
talking as though she were not aware of what she was doing, but all of a
sudden she left off speaking in the middle of a sentence, looked at me
with surprise, and began feeling her pockets with anxiety which seemed
to increase every moment. I inquired the cause of her uneasiness, but
instead of answering me she began to look on the floor, and every where
that she could think of; then calling her servant who was in waiting at
the chamber door: “Marcia,” said she, “I have lost the great cross
belonging to the chaplet which my husband gave me; how unfortunate I am!
he will certainly think I have made a present of it to some one.”
“Madam,” replied the waiting-woman, “you are perhaps premature in your
sorrow. You may possibly have left it at home, and I even fancy that I
recollect to have seen it in one of your drawers.” “I can never rest
until I be convinced of this,” replied the lady. “Let us therefore
return home immediately, for I cannot bear to remain in doubt on such a
subject.”

All my efforts to detain her were unavailing. I represented to her that
there might be found many similar rosaries at a Goldsmith’s, and that,
if she would allow me, I would presume to send her one as soon as
possible; but she would not accept of my offer, requesting me, in an
engaging manner, to allow her to depart; assuring me, that whether she
found her cross at home or not, she would not fail to pay me a visit the
next day at the same hour. Upon this she quitted my chamber, leaving me
well pleased with her figure, and much grieved at her so precipitate
departure.

It was no longer possible to think of sleeping after such an interview,
so that I lay and reflected on my good fortune, and the pleasures that I
anticipated, until it was time for dinner. I then rose and dressed
myself, after which I sat down to a small table, and partook of a
variety of dishes sufficient for six persons. In the middle of my
repast, Marcia returned, and informed me with a mournful countenance
that the golden cross could not be found; “and what is still more
vexatious,” added she, “my mistress accuses me of being the cause of
this misfortune, and I must allow that I was rather too pressing this
morning to make her dress herself quickly to come and see you. I have
been to a Goldsmith’s out of curiosity, to see if I could not find a
cross of the same description, and have been fortunate enough to meet
with one that resembles it as nearly as possible.” I soon understood her
meaning, and wishing to be thought generous, I answered, that if she
would wait until I had dined, I would accompany her to the Goldsmith’s,
and purchase the cross which she had seen. As this was, in fact, the
sole object of her coming, she replied, that she would do just as I
pleased; then beginning to praise her mistress, she told me all that was
charming of her.

After dinner we repaired to the Goldsmith’s together, and purchased the
aforesaid cross, which I gave to Marcia, requesting her to tell her
mistress, that as I considered myself in some degree the cause of her
loss, it was my duty to repair it. This faithful servant, overjoyed at
her good success, immediately departed, after having assured me that she
would make her lady acquainted with my generous way of proceeding, and
that she was sure her mistress would not fail to see me next day,
personally to return thanks for my kindness.

As soon as Marcia had left me, I determined to avail myself of this
opportunity to see my lady in St. Cyprian-street again; for although I
had such good reason to believe that she was a cheat and her brother a
bully, yet I should have been glad to have found myself mistaken;
forgetting, therefore, the scurvy trick they had played me, I hastened
towards their house, and perceived my charmer at a window, whence I was
soon remarked. She made signs to me that she had company, but that I was
not to go away; I stopped, and about a quarter of an hour after, saw her
go out alone. I followed her at a distance, and observed her enter the
great church to shorten her way to Patten street, whence she went into
Mercer’s-street, and entered a shop, making signs to me to follow her,
which I obeyed. How admirably did she then play her part! She burst into
tears, which, I suppose, she had always ready at command, and
complaining to Heaven that she had so troublesome a brother, she assured
me of the extreme pain she had suffered on my account, swearing over and
over again that it had not been her fault that so untoward an adventure
had occurred to me: she then told me, that she hoped to recompense me
for my late unpleasant night by assuring me of a pleasant one; that her
brother was to set out immediately for the country, where he would
remain for at least two days, and she trusted, therefore, that I would
not refuse her invitation to spend that evening with her. She then spoke
to me with so much tenderness, that I was completely convinced of her
sincerity, and was weak enough to promise to see her at her own house
again as soon as it was dusk.

As she had entered this shop, she could not make up her mind to leave
it, without asking the prices and cheapening some trifles, as is
customary with women; and she agreed to purchase some of them for a
hundred and fifty reals; but instead of paying for them, she said to the
shopkeeper, “you will be kind enough to allow me to take these articles
with me now, and give me credit until to-morrow, when I will send my
waiting-woman to pay you.” The shopkeeper, who either did not know her
at all, or possibly was but too well acquainted with her, refused to
trust her; upon which Signor Guzman, always ready to please the ladies,
stepped forward and said to him, “my good friend, do you not perceive
that the lady is only in jest; she has not this sum at hand, but I carry
her purse, and have the honour to be her steward:” thus saying, I drew
it from my pocket in the most graceful manner, and paid the shopkeeper
his demand. After this we parted. “Adieu, my chicken,” said she, in a
languishing and tender manner; “remember that I shall expect to see you
at nine in the evening, but I absolutely forbid you to provide any
supper, for I must insist on being allowed to treat you this time.”

The hour of rendezvous, which I expected with the greatest impatience,
having at length arrived, I set out towards my charmer’s house, at the
risk of passing another night there in the tub. I now approached her
door again with as much eagerness as I had ran from it in the morning. I
made the signal we had agreed upon; but no answer. I repeated it; but
neither saw nor heard any one. I then began to fancy that the brother
had been informed of his sister’s design, and had not set off for the
country. Thinking it possible, however, that I had not given the signal
loud enough, which was to knock with a stone at the bottom of the lower
window, I redoubled my strokes; but I might as well have attempted to
make the bridge of Alcantara hear me. I then knocked several times at
the door, and put my ear to the key-hole to listen; but finding that
there was not the least noise to be heard in the house, I remained in
the street until midnight, quite at a loss to account for so
extraordinary a silence.

My patience, however, began at length to fail me, and I was just on the
point of returning, when I observed a company of armed men coming
towards me; and took the precaution to retire to the end of the street,
that I might notice them unobserved. They stopped at the door of my
nymph’s house, and rapped loudly; and as the people in the house
persisted in not answering them, they began to thunder at the door with
their staves, and would soon have shivered it to atoms, if a servant had
not appeared at one of the windows, and asked what was their business.
“Open,” cried an Alguazil, “open, at the summons of Justice.” At these
terrible words, I felt so alarmed, that I was tempted to scamper off as
fast as my legs would carry me, not knowing but it was for me they
looked; a culprit cannot behold these sort of people without emotion. My
courage returned, however, when I reflected that I could only be
considered the dupe of my princess and her pretended brother, whose
laudable conduct, had, according to all appearance, attracted the
attention of justice.

I even ventured to approach the house, as soon as the Alguazil and his
myrmidons had entered it; and joining the crowd of neighbours who had
collected in the street to see what was going on, I heard one among them
say to the rest, “They call themselves brother and sister; but they must
trace their pedigree from Adam, for they are no otherwise related. The
man is an adventurer of Cordova, who for some months past, has lived
here at Toledo with this woman who was formerly an actress at Seville,
at the expence of such young fools as fell into their hands; but
unfortunately for these two honest folks, they have been practising
their knaveries upon a scrivener, who has played them this trick to be
avenged on them.

At this relation, all the neighbours laughed heartily at the expence of
the scrivener, whom they knew to be but newly married: but, although
they were so glad to find that this limb of the law had been duped, they
did not the less applaud his vengeance on that account, so true is it
that nobody ever pities persons who are detected in dishonesty. It
seemed even a most agreeable comedy for the witnesses of this adventure,
when they saw the Alguazil and his officers leading to prison the lady
all in disorder, accompanied by her gallant well bound with cords. For
my own part, though I could not well forget her scurvy treatment of me
in the tub, yet I could not feel any pleasure in seeing this miserable
woman in her present deplorable situation: I was the only one of all the
spectators who felt any pity for her, though I had most reason to feel
none. Rejoiced, however, that I could no longer be her dupe, I returned
to my inn, fool enough still to flatter myself that the other lady would
not deceive me; but I waited, in vain, the whole of the next day at home
for her: I did not even see her servant again: so that being no longer
able to doubt that I was also gulled in that quarter, I resolved that in
future I would be more upon my guard against the fair sex.




CHAP. XVII.

_Guzman takes a false alarm, and leaves Toledo precipitately. Another
gallantry. Origin of the proverb, “at Malagon, a thief in every house,
but in that of the Alcaid two, the father and the son.”_


Thus ended my gallantries at Toledo; and to complete my misfortunes,
when I arrived at my inn, I met an Alguazil there, who, I was informed,
had just arrived from Madrid, and had been making very particular
inquiries of the landlord for a certain _quidam_, of whom he was in
search. I did not hear this without uneasiness; nevertheless, alarmed as
I was, I managed to put a bold face on the matter; but I was so agitated
the whole of the night that I could not get a wink of sleep. I rose
early the next morning, still thinking of this cursed Alguazil, and went
out to walk in the Zocodover. I had not gone once round the square,
before I heard a man crying, _Two mules returning to Almagro_.

I determined to avail myself of this opportunity, and resolved in a
moment to hire these two mules, as though I had foreseen that I should
find a company of soldiers at Almagro on the point of departure for
Italy. I spoke to the crier, and we soon agreed; after which I sent my
lackey to pay my landlord, and to fetch my baggage, which consisted of a
portmanteau, in which was my fashionable dress, some fine linen, and
what remained of my money. As soon as he rejoined me, I gave him one of
the mules, mounted myself on the other, and rejoiced at having found so
favourable an opportunity of leaving Toledo, where I could no longer
remain in peace, I took the route towards Orgas, where I slept that
night.

At the inn where we stopped there chanced to be a very pretty
servant-maid, who, from her wit and obliging manners, seemed so superior
to her condition that I commenced a conversation with her, in the course
of which I could not refrain from plainly expressing the amorous desires
I felt towards her. So far from being startled at this declaration, she
anticipated my wishes, and went so far as to promise that she would
steal into my chamber in the night. “But, my darling,” said I, “can I be
sure that you will not deceive me? Can I rely upon this promise?”
“Certainly,” answered she; “you are too handsome a young gentleman for
me to wish to impose on; rely on it, I will keep my word.”

I slept that night in a chamber in which there were some oats kept, the
door of which I took care to leave open, that my damsel might come in at
what hour she pleased. I fell asleep while I lay waiting for her,
though it is not very usual to think of sleeping on such occasions; but
the uneasiness caused by the Alguazil the preceding night not having
permitted me to take any repose, I felt more inclined to rest than to
make love. I was soon awoke, however, by hearing a slight noise in the
room, which I did not doubt was my fair one; and anxious to receive her
with the attention that her punctual observance of her promise seemed to
deserve, “Approach, my charmer,” said I, in a low voice, “I have been
waiting impatiently for you.” No one answered. I thought the jade
behaved thus to provoke my desires the more, and with this conviction I
leant half my body out of bed, and stretched out my arms to seize her;
and my hands lighted on something exceedingly soft, but of such a
softness as revolted against my ideas. In fact, it was the ear of an
ass, who had left his stable and entered my chamber, attracted by the
smell of the oats that were kept there. This animal, whose head was
almost as low as the floor when I touched him, raised it on a sudden, as
a punishment for my sins, and gave me so violent a blow on the chin,
that it loosened all my teeth, and filled my mouth with blood. I rose
from my bed swearing, and with the intention of running my sword through
this accursed beast, who, fortunately, however, for him, was frightened
at the noise I made, and took to his heels. I was content, therefore, to
lie down again, with curses against love, and renewing the oath I had
already made, to be more cautious of its snares.

A few moments before day-light I was just beginning to doze again, when
the muleteer entered my chamber to give me notice that breakfast was
ready, and that if I wished to reach Malagon at any reasonable hour that
day, I had no time to lose. I was soon up and dressed; and after having
eaten a good breakfast of what the host chose to provide for me, I was
just going to mount my mule, when she directed a violent kick at me,
which would certainly have crippled me for the remainder of my days had
I been at a greater distance; but I was luckily so close to the plaguy
beast that she could not do me much harm. “The devil take all females!”
cried I; “I was born to be ill-treated by them.” To divert the
companions of my journey, and to amuse myself, I related to them on the
road the particulars of my late adventure with the ass. This recital
seemed particularly diverting and interesting to the muleteer, who told
us, after having laughed his bellyful, that Luzia, which was the
servant’s name, had been more faithful to him: that she had passed the
greater part of the night with him, and he gave me this piece of
information for my guidance in future: that the servants in inns were
always considered the right of the muleteers, as a recompence for the
service they do the landlord in bringing travellers to his house.

We arrived at Malagon at night, whence I set out again the next day,
without any other scurvy trick of fortune except having lost one bottle
of wine, which I missed when we had got about three or four leagues from
the town. “As I live,” quoth I, “this theft brings to my recollection,
and verifies the old proverb which declares, that _in Malagon there is a
thief in every house, but in that of the Alcaid two, the father and the
son_. Upon this the muleteer asked me if I knew the origin of this
proverb. I answered that I did not, and that I should be glad to hear
it. If I may believe an old man from whom I had it, replied he, this is
the story.

“In the year 1236, when Don Fernando, surnamed the Holy, King of Castile
and Leon, was one day at Beneventum, news was brought him that the
Christian troops had entered Cordova, having already possessed
themselves of the suburbs called Axarquia; but that the Moors, to whom
the place belonged, and who were very superior in numbers, were
preparing to repulse them. This monarch, animated by his zeal for his
religion, resolved to fly to the relief of the Christians, and sent
notice of his design to Don Alvaro Perez de Castro, and Don Ordonis
Alvaroz, who were both at Marts. These two lords, who were at that time
the most illustrious cavaliers in Castile, instantly repaired to the
King, who immediately set out as he had determined. As he was only
accompanied by about a hundred men, he issued orders to all his warriors
and vassals, who might be dispersed in the different towns and villages
under his dominion, to follow him to Cordova. These orders would have
been executed willingly, and without delay, had it been practicable; but
it was then just in the middle of the month of January, and the heavy
snow and rains had fallen in such abundance as to cause all the rivers
and springs to overflow: so that the troops were not able to advance,
but were obliged to halt at every place they came to.

“So great a number of them were under the necessity of stopping at
Malagon, that one soldier was obliged to be quartered in every house,
and two in those of the more opulent citizens. The commander of these
troops, and his son, who was also an officer, chanced to fall to the lot
of the Alcaid. Though this was a very considerable town, yet there were
now so many people in it, and the times were so hard, that provisions
became extremely scarce and dear, and as the soldiers were not able to
procure them at such excessive rates, they began to steal, to prevent
their dying with hunger. While these things were going on, a merry
conceited peasant who had just passed through the town in his way to
Toledo, met a troop of cavaliers on the road near Orgas, who asked him
whence he came. “From Malagon,” replied he; “and what news from thence?”
inquired one of the cavaliers. The peasant made this answer, which has
since become a proverb, “at Malagon there is a thief in every house, and
in that of the Alcaid two, the father and the son.”

“It is most unfair,” continued the muleteer, “that this proverb should
be applied to the inhabitants of Malagon, since they were the persons
robbed, and not those that robbed others. On the contrary, I will
maintain to their credit, that from Madrid to Seville there is no inn
where travellers are better treated and less imposed on than at Malagon.
I do not pretend to say that there are not knaves in that place, as well
as elsewhere; but I assure you there are many worse in this country.”

Just as the muleteer ended his discourse, another muleteer of his
acquaintance came up to us, of whom I asked what was going on at
Almagro, whence he had just come, and he informed me that there was a
company of soldiers there, newly raised, and destined, he believed, for
Italy. I was enraptured at this news, and felt disposed to forgive
fortune, now that she presented me with so favourable an opportunity of
gratifying my violent desire to go to Genoa, for all the hardships that
she had hitherto made me endure.




CHAP. XVIII.

_Guzman offers himself to serve in the Company newly raised. His
reception by the Captain, and how they afterwards lived together._


All my fear was, that the muleteer had been misinformed; but on entering
Almagro, I was soon convinced that he had told the truth. I perceived a
flag suspended from a window of one of the houses where I supposed the
Captain had taken up his residence.

I proceeded, therefore, to an inn in the neighbourhood, where I took up
my lodging for that night; and in the morning I dressed myself in my
best suit of clothes, and finest linen, and went to church, where I
heard mass, and from thence to wait upon the Captain, whom I saluted
with an air calculated to make him believe me a young man of quality,
telling him that I had come express to Almagro to have the honour of
serving the King by joining his company. My behaviour and appearance had
the desired effect of casting a mist before the eyes of this officer,
who was an extremely well-bred man. He received me, therefore, in the
most polite manner, testifying his joy at finding me disposed to enter
so early in the career of glory. He then thanked me for the preference I
gave his company, which would be proud to receive among them a cavalier
of noble race, which he could easily perceive I was. “All I regret,”
added he, “is, that all the posts are filled up; but, though I cannot,
therefore, offer you a commission, you shall at least share mine with
me, and we will live together as though you were Captain as well as
myself.”

To convince me that these excessive civilities were not mere
compliments, he insisted on my staying to dinner, and regaled me in good
style. He did not, however, forget to charge one of his servants, in
private, to inquire of mine who I was. My page, who had frequently heard
me style myself Don Juan de Guzman of the house of Toral, answered this
question by saying that this was the name I bore, and that was all he
knew of me. This was reported to the Captain, who most firmly believed
that I was certainly one of the younger branches of that illustrious
house. The next day I invited him, in my turn, to dine with me at my
inn, and spared no expense to render the entertainment as complete as if
I had been in reality the cavalier my valet had represented me to be. I
did not stop here, but gave so many other dinners to the Captain and the
principal officers of the company, that it is no wonder they all
esteemed me, and considered me an honour to their corps. The Captain,
in particular, was so extremely attentive to me, that I was frequently
quite confused at his kind professions of regard. It is true, that to
secure a continuance of his friendship, I sent him, almost every day,
some little present by my page, which he was so kind as to accept of as
a mark of my affection.

In the mean time my purse, having no flux and reflux like the sea, began
to empty itself visibly, without any prospect of being filled again.
What with my clothes, my gallantries, and my travelling expenses, in
addition to these entertainments and presents, I had already squandered
away more than half of my reals, without reckoning what I had lost at
play with the officers, the majority of whom knew better than myself how
to take advantage in gaming of every turn of fortune in their favour. I
had still, however, a sufficient sum remaining to support my assumed
character for some time longer, when orders were given for marching,
and I followed the company, in quality of a volunteer, to the coast,
where we had orders to wait until the galleys which were to transport us
into Italy, with other troops, arrived at Barcelona, where we were to
embark. But it was God’s pleasure that this embarkment should not take
place till three months afterwards. This completed my ruin; for being
willing to continue to live with the Captain and other officers as I had
begun, I was soon compelled to make use of my _corps de reserve_; I mean
my thirty pistoles, which were yet untouched, and which I soon ran
through with as little frugality as my reals. When I found my resources
thus at an end, I was obliged to sell my fine clothes and linen, and to
get rid of my valet, who went to seek his fortune elsewhere; and having
no money to game with, I ceased to associate with the officers, who
guessed but too rightly the reasons that obliged me thus to alter my
conduct towards them.

Reflections now came thick upon the prodigal child; and though I had not
given way to them while my money lasted, now that it was gone, at least
a million presented themselves to my imagination. I recalled to mind all
my past follies, and reproached myself as severely as a professed
pedagogue could have done, resolving to manage better for the future, as
though I had still several bags of reals in my portmanteau. I chiefly
repented of having given such fine entertainments to the Captain, who no
longer invited me to dinner as usual, now that all my money was gone.
The other officers, thinking that I had nothing more to lose, turned
their backs upon me. The serjeants, who had before been in the habit of
visiting me as a second Captain, and who had considered themselves
honoured by my condescending to converse with them, no longer came near
me. There was not a single soldier but avoided me; and I question if
even the blackguards that followed them would have deigned to associate
with me, had I been inclined to have been their comrade. But it was but
just, after such useless extravagance, that I was punished as I
deserved. If there was any thing that could console me in my unfortunate
situation it was, that during the whole course of my prosperity I had
not committed the least knavery. This gave my Captain a good opinion of
me, who, believing as firmly as ever that I was a young man of high
birth, still retained some esteem for me in my misery. He had himself
too well profited by my foolish conduct not to forgive me from the
bottom of his soul; and when I called upon him one evening he received
me much as usual, without taking any notice of the situation of my
affairs, though he was in reality much affected; and he could not avoid
saying, to me, one day that I was more melancholy than usual, “My dear
Guzman, I should indeed be hard-hearted and ungrateful were I insensible
to your troubles, after the many proofs you have given me of your
friendship. But you have yet to learn that my fortune is but little
better than your own; and I am sincerely afflicted that I am utterly
incapable of convincing you of my good wishes by my actions. All I can
pretend to offer you in your present distress is a lodging in my house,
and the table of my servants; for myself, I am obliged to dine out, from
my utter incapacity to receive my friends at home.”

This proposal, which he did not make without a blush, was tendered in so
obliging a manner that I accepted it. Pride becomes nobody, but still
less a man who has no money, and knows not where to lay his head; it is
a cameleon, which lives only on the wind. From his companion I was now
become his servant. But I owe him this piece of justice: instead of
treating me like a common servant, he behaved in the most considerate
manner towards me. When he wished me to do any thing for him, he
requested instead of commanding it; and, on my side, I was always more
anxious than the other domestics to make myself useful to him, that I
might preserve his friendship, and not eat the bread of idleness; and I
so completely succeeded in my desire to please him, by anticipating his
every wish, that, believing me to be faithful, and even prudent, though
I had sufficiently proved myself the reverse by my former dissipations,
he resolved to make me acquainted with the present state of his affairs,
to convince me that he placed entire confidence in me.

He confessed to me then that he was so much reduced, that a few jewels
which he possessed were his only resource. “Can you guess,” added he,
“what has reduced me to this extremity?”--the time that was consumed in
soliciting my employment, and the great presents I was obliged to make
to obtain it. Yes, were I to begin life afresh, I would renounce such a
profession, notwithstanding the desire that every Spanish gentleman
naturally has to acquire glory in the army. I cannot reflect on what I
have submitted to without blushing; for, besides the money that I have
expended, how many whole days have I passed with my hat in my hand,
soliciting, flattering, bowing to the ground, kicking my heels at
levees, sometimes to speak to one person, sometimes to meet with
another, cringing, acting a servant’s part, and a thousand other
meannesses of which I am ashamed! But the most provoking treatment that
I met with, and which I felt most sensibly, was on the day preceding
that on which I had been promised my commission. After having consumed
more than eight months in solicitations in the manner I have just
described to you, I accompanied my patron as he came out of the palace,
and conducted him, with the most profound respect, to the steps of his
carriage, which was in waiting for him, but unfortunately put my hat on
a moment before the carriage drove off. The Minister noticed this,
darted a haughty look at me, and soon convinced me that this accident
had offended him, for my commission was not delivered to me for above
four months after. I even ran the risk of losing both my trouble and my
money by not obtaining it at all.

“God deliver every honest man,” continued he, raising his eyes towards
Heaven, “from persons who possess power and bad dispositions united! How
blind are these idols of the Court, who expect to be adored like
deities! They must surely have forgotten that they are but miserable
comedians, appointed to play principal characters, and that at the end
of the piece, that is to say, of their lives, they must leave the stage
like ourselves, and be thought of no more.”

I was so affected by this relation, that I felt more interested in my
Captain’s misfortunes than my own; and assured him, in the most
impressive terms my heart could dictate, that there was nothing I would
not undertake for him, and that I would willingly expose my life to be
of service to him. He thanked me for my good wishes. “But what
assistance,” added he, smiling, “can I expect from you in your present
condition?” “That we shall see,” answered I; “for though I am young,
necessity inspires wit, and may supply my deficiency of experience.
Leave it to me to find you the means of living at ease until we embark.”
The Captain smiled again at these words, and, without making any reply,
shook his head, to shew me that he placed but little reliance on
professions dictated by my inconsiderate zeal to serve him. Had he
known my talents he would have formed a different opinion; but I soon
obliged him to do me justice.

As the galleys were a long while ere they arrived, we were obliged to be
billeted, upon short allowance, in the different villages, and
frequently moved our quarters. At every house I left a dozen billets,
which brought us in at least twelve reals each, and from some of the
more opulent inhabitants fifty. For my own part, I gained admittance
into every house at free cost, without quartering myself on any in
particular; and I never failed to leave proofs at each that I had the
perfect use of my hands. I really think that I would even have carried
off water from their wells, rather than have gone away empty-handed. By
these means I so completely re-established my Captain’s finances, that
he was enabled to keep open table again as before; and the dexterity of
my hands supplied him abundantly with good cheer, at a cheap rate:
fowls, capons, geese, pullets, and pigeons, fell as thick as hail into
the kitchen, and hams were not wanting to complete the larder.

If by chance the master of a house happened to catch me in the fact, in
case it were but a small theft I made a jest of it, and though a
greater, the worst that could happen to me was to be carried before my
Captain, who reprimanded me in a severe manner, and sometimes caused me
to be imprisoned in a chamber, where I received by his orders a hundred
lashes which I never felt at all, though I always made the room ring
with cries as if I were being torn in pieces, though I was never so much
as touched all the while. This satisfied the injured parties, and saved
the honour of the officer. Sometimes the complainants themselves would
intercede with the Captain on my behalf, conjuring him out of pity to
forgive me.

Jests like these, however, generally grow serious. After these petty
thefts, I was not content until I ventured upon greater. For this
purpose, I selected five or six of the most resolute fellows in our
company; we all disguised ourselves, and went on the highway, where we
stopped several travellers, who, by immediately surrendering their
money, prevented the crimes which their resistance might have caused us
to commit. Our Captain was no sooner informed of these dangerous
proceedings, than, dreading the consequences both to himself and me, he
positively forbade my carrying on this game any longer, desiring me to
confine myself to more innocent amusement for the future, such as
finding false musters, in which science I was a perfect adept. By a
false beard, or a patch on the eye, I could easily make the same soldier
receive pay three times over, without detection. In short, I became so
useful to the Captain, that he confessed to me that my industry alone
was worth much more to him than the whole income that he derived from
his Company.




CHAP. XIX.

_Guzman proceeds with the Company to Barcelona, where he plays a trick
upon a Jeweller, and embarks for Italy._


The galleys at length arrived at Barcelona. As soon as we received this
intelligence, we marched thither to embark; but as the wind was not
favourable, we were obliged to remain a considerable time in that city,
where something more than my usual address was necessary to enable us to
live in plenty at so cheap a rate as before. I soon remarked that my
Captain was relapsing into his former despondency, and I easily guessed
the cause: well might I know the nature of his complaint, since I was
the physician who had already cured him of it.

For this once, however, I felt at a loss how to prescribe, being
entirely unacquainted with the map of Barcelona, and the disposition of
its inhabitants. I did not, however, forget to tender my exertions as a
specific to my patient, who replied, in a serious manner, that we had no
longer peasants to deal with, and that I must be very cautious what I
did. Difficulties tended only to quicken my apprehension, and an idea
occurred to me which I resolved to follow. I have already told you that
the Captain had some jewels which he reserved for a rainy day. Amongst
these jewels was a gold Reliquary, set round with diamonds, which he
intended to dispose of for subsistence until we embarked. I requested
him to shew it me, and asked if he could place so much confidence in me
as to entrust it to me for a day or two, adding that I would return it
to him with usury. “Oh! Oh! my little Guzman,” answered he with a smile,
“what piece of roguery have you now in contemplation?” “You have only,”
replied I, “to let me have the Reliquary, and keep up your spirits. If,
notwithstanding all the precautions that I can take to perform safely
the trick that I have in my head, I should be so unfortunate as to meet
with any check from justice, I can at least pledge myself to save your
honor, and to bear all the ill consequences of it myself.”

My Captain could hold out no longer, but gave me the Reliquary, saying,
that he wished me success in my enterprize, whatever it might be.
Nobody, indeed, had more interest in it than himself, to whom all the
profit would accrue. I put the jewel into a purse which I hid in my
bosom, the string of which I tied to the buttons of my doublet; after
which I went to the first Jeweller’s I could meet, who, fortunately for
me, was well known in the city as a noted usurer. I asked him if he was
inclined to purchase a fine Reliquary. I shewed it him, and could easily
perceive that he liked it very well, although he pretended not to think
much of it. I did not wait until he asked me the usual questions, but
told him that I was a soldier in a company newly raised, and that was
destined for Italy; that I had spent all my money, and having no other
resource, found myself reduced to dispose of this jewel, that I might
not be entirely destitute. “You are at liberty,” added I, “to go and
ascertain from my Captain, from the other officers, and even soldiers,
who I am; they will inform you that I am styled Don Juan de Guzman: upon
their report of me, you can make up your mind whether you will buy the
Reliquary or not. While you are making these inquiries I will go and
wait for you on the quay, where I have a little business to settle.”

The Jeweller, who was not willing to allow this jewel to escape him,
took his cloak immediately, and hastened to the place where I told him
we lodged, and did not fail to question several of the officers and
soldiers, as to the character of a certain Don Juan de Guzman who
described himself as belonging to their company. Every man of them (for
I was generally beloved) assured him I was a young man of quality, who
intended to pass over to Italy with them, and that they had known me
make a most brilliant figure. In short, they spoke so well of me, that
he soon returned to look for me on the quay, where he had no great
difficulty to find me, for I had no other business there but to wait for
and entrap him. He requested me, as soon as he came up, to allow him to
see the Reliquary again, which he was come to treat for. “Willingly,”
replied I, “but let us retire a little, as I have no wish to have a
crowd assembled about us.”

I then drew the jewel out of my purse and handed it to him: he looked at
it on all sides, and after having examined it minutely, asked me what I
would have for it. I told him two hundred crowns; and though that was
not half its value, the old usurer pretended to be quite astonished at
such a price, and began to tell me that the gold was by no means of the
finest quality. Besides which he found great fault with the workmanship,
as well as with the diamonds: nevertheless, he offered me one half, and
I was surprised in my turn. “That will not do,” cried I, “you take
advantage of my situation; but distressed as I am for money, I declare
that you shall not have it for less than a hundred and fifty crowns.”

He still continued to make so many objections, that I was at last
contented to conclude the bargain at a hundred and twenty, and he
requested me to accompany him to his shop to receive the money. This I
refused, telling him that I expected a person to meet me on the quay,
and, therefore, could not leave it; that if he would return home and
procure the sum agreed on, he would find me again in the same place. The
Jeweller, finding that I could not be prevailed on to accompany him, and
being apprehensive that the person whom I expected might be another
Jeweller, whom I had appointed to meet on the same subject, ran home
with great haste, lest he should be deprived of his bargain before his
return.

The old rogue soon returned to me again, quite out of breath, bringing
with him in a small bag the hundred and twenty crowns, which he counted
into my hand. I requested the bag of him in which I put the money, and
offered him in exchange the purse that the Reliquary was kept in; but
affecting to find great difficulty in untying the strings, which I had
purposely well fastened, I snatched, as though from impatience, a knife
which I observed in a sheath at his girdle, and cut them asunder.
Although this action seemed to surprise him a little, he was so far from
guessing the cause, that he departed and walked towards home, well
satisfied with his purchase, and very far from suspecting the snare that
I had laid for him.

After having allowed him to proceed a few steps, I beckoned to one of my
comrades, as great a rogue as myself, whom I had stationed near at hand
so as to be ready when called for, and desired him to carry the crowns
to our Captain. Then I ran as fast as I could after my Jeweller, for I
had not lost sight of him, and overtook him at a part where the roads
met, where there happened to be some soldiers assembled, to whom I
pointed him out, crying aloud, “stop thief, fellow soldiers, stop thief!
for God’s sake stop that old rascal there, who has just robbed me; let
him not escape!” The soldiers, some of whom belonged to our own
company, stopped the poor Jeweller immediately, asking him how he had
given me cause to complain thus of him. He was at first so bewildered
with fear and astonishment, that he had not the power of uttering a
word. Had he spoken, however, it would not have availed him, for his
voice would have been drowned by that of his accuser: nobody was to be
heard but myself, who kept up a continued roar; and to make more
impression on the soldiers, I fell down on my knees before them, and
forcing some tears into my eyes, implored their assistance.

“Gentlemen,” said I, “you see before you in that old rogue one of the
greatest hypocrites in Spain. I chanced just now to be standing by him
on the quay, where he remarked that I had a purse in my bosom, and asked
me what was in it? a Reliquary, answered I, which my master the Captain
accidentally left at the bed’s-head this morning, and that I have taken
care of to give it to him again; upon this, the old rascal whom you have
secured requested me in a civil manner to shew it him, telling me that
he was a Goldsmith, and was curious in jewels. I satisfied his
curiosity, and he asked me if I would dispose of this Reliquary. That
cannot be, said I, for it is my master’s; at the same time I replaced it
in my purse which was tied to my button; whereupon my thief, while he
amused me with words, drew forth a knife which he had in a sheath at his
girdle, and suddenly cut the strings, the ends of which are still to be
seen. Take the trouble. Gentlemen, of searching him, I beg of you,”
added I, “and you will find the purse containing the jewel somewhere
about his person, for I have followed him so closely, that he has not
had an opportunity of otherwise disposing of it.”

The soldiers instantly began to search him: they drew forth the purse
containing the Reliquary from his bosom where he had placed it, and
perceiving that the strings had really been cut, they no longer doubted
the Goldsmith’s guilt: in vain did he protest and swear that I had sold
it him; they would not believe him, it being so extremely improbable
that an old and experienced Jeweller could consent to purchase so rich a
Reliquary of a young soldier, without suspecting that it must have been
stolen. “Once more,” cried the accused, “I assure you that I paid this
young man for the Reliquary a hundred and twenty crowns in gold, which I
reckoned into his hand, and which he must now have about him: you have
only to search him also to find these gold coins, which I paid him only
a few minutes since.” The soldiers, to satisfy him, rummaged my pockets
out; and finding no money about me, they began to revile him most
unmercifully, and even to beat him. Nevertheless, as he insisted on
being conducted to a Judge, they carried us both before one.

Here I related my case in the same manner as I had reported it to the
soldiers, who, upon being interrogated by the Judge, said more than was
sufficient to convince him that the Jeweller had really seized this
Reliquary from me by force; in addition to which, this citizen being so
well known as a covetous man who would not scruple at a trifle, they
were the more disposed to think him guilty. The Magistrate, however, out
of consideration for his family, which consisted of some of the first
persons in the city, was content to reprimand him severely, and
delivered the jewel into my hands again, desiring me to carry it to my
master, which I did immediately.

When I related this adventure to the Captain, he returned thanks to
Heaven that it had ended so well: he had feared, and with some reason,
that I should have come but scurvily off in so slippery an affair, and
my boldness made him tremble. Although he was the only person that
profited by my rogueries, yet he resolved to get rid of the rogue,
fearing that I should at last ruin him as well as myself by some unlucky
adventure. He was impatient for the day when we should embark, which at
length arrived. The galleys left the harbour of Barcelona, and
transported us in safety to Genoa, where we were no sooner landed, than
my Captain said to me in private, “my dear Guzman, we are now in the
country whither you have been so extremely anxious to come,” for I had
communicated to him my intentions of visiting my kindred; “we must now,
with your leave, begin to think of parting, for I am not more afraid of
all the devils together than of the consequences of these legerdemain
tricks of yours: farewell, my friend,” added he, putting a pistole into
my hand, “I much regret that I am not in a situation to make you a
better acknowledgment for your services.” Thus saying, he departed,
leaving me so thunderstruck with his compliment, that I could not utter
a word. But what could I have said to him? was it necessary to represent
to him all the dangers I had faced on his account? he was well aware of
them, for what else was it that caused my dismissal. I could not be
surprised at his behaviour. I had only the common fate of rogues, who,
like vipers and scorpions, are made use of, while any thing useful can
be extracted from them, and afterwards thrown to the dogs.




CHAP. XX.

_Guzman having arrived at Genoa, resolves to present himself before his
kindred there. How he was received by them._


As soon as I had quitted the captain, or rather when I found myself
abandoned by him, my only thought was how to console myself under this
misfortune, and I soon forgot it, when I reflected that I was now at
Genoa, where I had so long desired to be. I inquired in the city about
my relations, and was informed that they were the most rich and powerful
persons in that republic. I was overjoyed at this news, for I did not
doubt that I should receive the greatest assistance from them, when they
knew that I was a branch of their noble family.

I looked about for another inn where I could live thriftily, until I
should be rather a more decent figure to visit my relations. My pistole
could not do much for me, part of which I was obliged to expend in
procuring a pair of shoes which I was sadly in want of; my clothes were
also much worn as well as my stockings and hat, so that my whole dress
was in a ruinous condition. “So much the better,” said I: “my relations
can never suffer me to remain long in such a state to be a disgrace to
them. Let me quickly, therefore, make myself known to them, that I may
the sooner be relieved from my misery.”

I then immediately set forward with this intention, and asked the way to
their house, boasting to every one I spoke to that I had the honour to
be of their family, which was soon reported to them by some of their
enemies, who, thinking that the sight of a lad so wretchedly equipped
would afford them no great pleasure, were the more anxious to
communicate to them the agreeable news. My generous relations were
almost desperate. They looked upon my poverty as an infamous disgrace to
them; and I verily believe, that could they, without danger to
themselves, have caused me to be poniarded, they would not have
hesitated a moment, for such practices were but too common in that
country. But, as I was already talked of all over the city, where my
father had been so well known, if I had disappeared all of a sudden, the
cause would have been easily guessed.

Do not be surprised, reader, at my ill opinion of my relations; had you
been in their place I do not think that you would have behaved much
better towards me. Suppose yourself for a moment as rich as they were,
and tell me candidly how you would have received a beggar, who comes up
to you as suddenly as if he had just fallen from the clouds, and
salutes you in the middle of the street saying, good morrow, uncle, or
brother, I am a son of your brother, or of your mother; would you not be
extremely mortified? and yet I was so imprudent as to address them in
this public manner: thus I never saluted one of them that did not treat
me with the titles of rascal and impostor, accompanying these epithets
with threats; “take our advice,” said they, “and do not remain much
longer at Genoa, lest you pass but an unpleasant time here.” In vain did
I name my father, protesting that he ranked among the noble Genoese;
they seemed all to have forgotten that there had ever been such a person
in existence.

One evening I met a venerable looking old man, who accosted me in a
polite and insinuating manner: “my son,” said he, “is it not you who
have reason to complain of certain titled personages who have not chosen
to acknowledge you for one of their noble blood?” I answered in the
affirmative, and told him who was my father. “I recollect him well,”
replied the old man, “and there are certainly in this city several of
the principal nobles who are his relations. I can even introduce you to
a banker who must have been a most intimate friend of your father’s, and
who to-morrow, for it is too late to-day, will, I doubt not, be happy to
satisfy you in every particular concerning your family. In the mean
time,” continued he, “come and take up your lodging at my house: I feel
quite indignant at the behaviour of your cousins towards you, who ought
rather to have received you with the greatest affection: but follow me,
and be assured that the banker will put it in your power to be fully
avenged of them for their hard-heartedness.”

I accepted the old man’s offer of a lodging in his house by returning
thanks to heaven by so fortunate a rencounter. His appearance was such
that I did not in the least mistrust him. He had a good natured serious
air, his bald head and white beard rendering his appearance truly
venerable; he walked with a staff, and wore a long robe; in fact I
looked upon him as another St. Paul. When we arrived at his house, which
appeared to me like a magnificent hotel, a servant came to meet him to
take off his long robe; but the old gentleman from an excess of
politeness would not part with it, but sent the servant away, after
having communicated something to him in Italian, which was so much
Hebrew to me. He then conducted me into a large parlour, where we
conversed concerning the affairs of Spain for above an hour, and from
them proceeded insensibly to those of our own family, respecting which
he seemed extremely curious, questioning me more particularly concerning
my mother; and I answered him in the most cautious manner. This
discourse was beginning to grow tedious, when the servant returned;
they had another short conversation together in Italian, which I
understood no better than the former. But immediately afterwards, the
good old man addressed himself to me in Spanish: “I suppose,” said he,
“you have of course supped, you must be weary, and it is time to be a
bed. We shall meet again in the morning.” Then turning to his servant,
“Antonio,” continued he, “shew this gentleman to the finest chamber in
the house.”

I had much more inclination to eat than to sleep, for I was literally
half dying with hunger; having unfortunately dined very sparingly at my
inn that day; for my pistole was just at an end. That I might not,
however, presume upon the goodness of an host who seemed so disposed to
be of service to me, I followed his servant, as if I had a good
bellyful, and was carried through an enfilade of seven or eight rooms
paved with alabaster, each vying with the others in magnificence. From
thence we entered a gallery which led into a fine chamber in which there
was a very rich bed with superb tapestry. “You see your chamber,” said
Antonio, “and the bed that is destined for you: none are allowed to
sleep here but princes and some few of my master’s nearest relatives.”

After having allowed me to admire the richness of the furniture for a
while, this servant offered to undress me, but I declined his assistance
for very good reasons; my ragged shirt was by no means in a state to be
exhibited; and in addition to this, the rest of my clothes were now of
so very fine a texture, that they required a hand more interested in
their welfare than his was, to take them off delicately. Either through
malice, however, or that he thought I declined his good natured offer
merely from politeness, he returned to the charge, and seeming
determined to assist me in spite of my teeth, he caught hold of me, and
drew off one of my sleeves so suddenly, that had I not prevented him
with my other hand, he would undoubtedly have torn it to pieces. I then
entreated him in a peevish tone to leave me to my rest, and he prevented
my further anger by desisting as I desired. I retired to the side of the
bed, threw off my rags which were held together only by a few laces, and
jumped into bed, the sheets of which were clean and completely perfumed.
This done, I told the servant he might take away the candle. “I am not
so inconsiderate,” replied he: “it would be the means of causing you to
pass a very uneasy night; for it is very common for large bats, which
are very numerous in this country, to conceal themselves in chambers
with so lofty a ceiling, and you will be much disturbed by them if you
remain without light. Add to this,” continued he, “there are certain
evil spirits that frequent the principal houses in this city, by whom
you will infallibly be tormented, if you neglect to keep lighted
candles in the room, the brightness of which, it is said, they are
afraid of.” He told me all this tale with an ingenuous air, and I
listened to him with all the credulity of an infant, instead of
mistrusting this Antonio, whose knavish countenance ought to have been
sufficient to have excited my suspicions.

No sooner had he left the chamber, than I got out of bed and bolted the
door, less from fear of being robbed, than in the hope of thus securing
myself from the persecution of the aforesaid spirits. Considering myself
then in perfect safety, I lay down again, and reflected on the
benevolence of my venerable landlord. So far from suspecting him of any
bad design, which, had I possessed a little more experience, I should
not have failed to have done, I represented to myself that he could be
no other than one of my nearest relatives, who had not chosen to make
himself known to me over night, that he might surprise me the more
agreeably in the morning. “I would lay a good wager,” said I to myself,
“that when I wake to-morrow morning, I shall find a tailor in waiting to
take measure of me for a fine suit of clothes. I may rest assured that
in future I shall never want for any thing, and that I have not lost my
labour in coming to Italy.” Flattered by these agreeable thoughts, my
senses were beguiled by degrees into a most profound sleep.

Although Antonio had told me that the evil spirits were so averse to
light, my candles did not secure me from the persecution of four figures
in the shape of so many devils who entered my chamber. It was some time
before I heard the noise created by these demons; but as it was very far
from their intention to respect my repose, they advanced towards the
bed, drew the curtains, two of them seized me by the arms, and the other
two by the legs, and dragged me out of bed. At length I awoke; and
finding myself thus dangling in the air in the clutches of four devils,
I was so terribly frightened that I was more dead than alive. They were
each habited exactly as the devil is represented; with huge long tails,
frightful vizards, and horns on their heads. I had just sufficient sense
remaining in me to invoke the assistance of some Saint whose name
occurred to me at the moment. But had I offered up prayers, they would
have been equally unavailing. These apparitions were not to be driven
from their purpose; exorcisms even would have been useless, for the
devils that I had to deal with had been baptized. They placed me in one
of my blankets, and each taking a corner, began to toss me in the air
with such violence, that they threw me to the ceiling at every toss,
against which I expected every moment that either my head or one of my
arms would have been broken. But they contented themselves with only
bruising me, though they did not cease to make me vault in this manner
until they were completely fatigued, or rather until their noses
informed them that my fear grew laxative. They then placed me in bed
again, covered me over as they found me, extinguished the light, and
vanished the same way as they had entered.

In this pitiable condition I remained until day-break; and with the most
dreadful sensation of fear still on my mind, I made an effort to get up,
with the intention of hastening as quickly as possible out of a house
where the duties of hospitality had been so scurvily fulfilled. But I
could not rise, or dress myself without the greatest difficulty and
pain, the cause of which I could not remember without bestowing a
thousand curses on the old rascal who had caused me to be thus cruelly
treated. He no longer seemed to me that personage so worthy of
veneration, no longer that benevolent character the meeting with whom
had so much delighted me, but an old sorcerer, destined to be damned
from the creation of the world.

Before I quitted the chamber, I was curious to know how these malignant
spirits could have entered it. I first examined the door, and finding it
still bolted as I had left it before I fell asleep, I could not
reasonably imagine that they had found their way to me by that means.
But having lifted up the hangings, I perceived a large window covered by
them, which opened into the gallery. This was still open, the
apparitions not having taken the trouble to close it after them. I made
not the least noise, lest there should be something still in reserve for
me, and thought of nothing but how to extricate myself from this cursed
place. I had already left the room with this view, when I met Antonio in
the gallery, who informed me that his master was waiting for me at the
nearest church. All the answer I made was to request him to shew me to
the street-door, which he did with as much sang-froid as if he had not
been one of the goblins who had amused themselves so much at my expence.
I no sooner got out of doors, than I scampered off as if I had not a
bruise about me. What wonderful strength is imparted by fear! I ran as
fast as my legs would carry me.

As soon as I considered myself in perfect safety, my hunger, which had
been suspended for a while by fear, became such, that I was obliged to
satisfy it by buying some baked meat and a slice of bread, which I
amused myself with eating as I walked along. I did not stop till I had
got quite out of the city, and then seeing a tavern before me, I went in
and drank a glass of good wine. This so completely reanimated my
courage, that after a slight repast, I was able to set out again, taking
the road towards Rome, reflecting on the affectionate reception I had
met with from my relations, and especially from my old friend. I made a
solemn oath never to forget the detestable night that this grey bearded
old wolf had allured me under his roof, for which I resolved to be fully
avenged on him the very first opportunity.




CHAP. XXI.

_What becomes of Guzman after having left Genoa._


I travelled some distance from Genoa, without so much as turning my head
once towards that city, as though I feared that the sight of it would
have petrified me. I resembled one of those who escaped from the battle
of Roncesvalles; I walked on without having any determined route, though
it was my wish to go to Rome. At length I reached a town about ten
miles from Genoa, where I stopped some hours to rest myself, and spent
what remained of my pistole. Then resigning myself entirely into the
hands of Providence, I resumed my journey.

It was well for me that I had been accustomed to misfortunes, and that I
had already made some progress in the art of begging. What would have
become of me without this resource? I should have been much to be
pitied. Any one that possesses the talent of exciting his neighbour’s
charity may travel all over Italy without money. I must render this
justice to Italy, that no nation in the world has more charity in it. In
proof of which assertion, I reached Rome without spending a single sous
of all the money that I was able to collect on the road, and which I
carefully reserved. In the different villages through which I passed I
had more meat and bread given me than I could possibly consume.
Mendicity in that country is a fine resource for persons of spirit in
bad circumstances who cannot make up their minds to be industrious. For
my own part, I was so naturally inclined to that trade that I wished for
no better. I must confess that when I found myself in the capital of the
Catholic World with money enough in my pocket to buy a new suit of
clothes, I was at first somewhat tempted to employ it that way, with
design to offer my services to some nobleman; but I had courage enough
to resist this desire, which I considered in no other light than as a
temptation of the devil.

“Oh! Oh! Guzman,” said I to myself, “do you wish to give yourself the
same airs here as at Toledo; suppose, when you have expended all your
little hoard in dress, you should be so unlucky as to find no one
willing to employ you, who do you think will feed you, my friend? do
you imagine that a fine new coat is likely to excite charity? undeceive
yourself. You will be more likely to fare better in your present dress.
Be wise, and rather endeavour to profit by your old follies than to seek
after new ones. Be contented as you are, and do not resume your former
vanities.” Reasoning with myself in this manner, I tied up my purse with
a double knot, and addressing myself to the money within it: “Remain
thus secure,” said I, “until I find a better opportunity of making thee
useful.”

I began then to traverse the streets of Rome in my rags, soliciting alms
like one who believed himself a master in the art, but who was in
reality a mere apprentice in comparison with the professors of that
country. Among these was a young fellow, who remarking the manner of
begging that I adopted, found that I required a few lessons, which he
was kind enough to give me. We associated together; and to render me
useful to the society, he taught me the different manners and the
several tones in which alms should be asked of different people, and
that the same speech would not always do. “Men,” said he, “are not in
the least affected by the plaintive and lamentable tones adopted by most
beggars. They will be much more likely to put their hands in their
pockets, when you implore their assistance boldly for God’s sake.” “As
for women,” continued he, “as some pay their devotions to the Holy
Virgin, and others to our lady of the Rosary, it is by one of these that
we wheedle them. It has frequently a good effect also to pray that they
may be preserved from all mortal sin, from false witnesses, the power of
traitors, and from slanderous tongues: such wishes as these, pronounced
in energetic terms, and in an impressive tone of voice, will almost
always make their purses fly open to assist you.”

He taught me moreover how to excite the compassion of the rich; and what
is still more difficult of professed devotees. In a word, he gave me
such good instructions, and I made so good a use of them, that I soon
received more money than I could spend. I was already perfectly
acquainted with Rome, from the Pope down to the very lowest scullion in
the city. For fear of troubling my customers too often, I divided the
city into seven parts, allotting one for every day in the week. I never
failed to present myself at the several churches on holidays, where I
was sure to pick up something. As to the pieces of bread that were
usually given at doors of private houses, I sold what I did not want to
distressed objects who were ashamed to beg, but who, by being relieved
in private by the faithful, were well able to pay for what they bought
of me. Country people and others, who made it their business to fatten
fowls and hogs, were also frequent purchasers; but the spicecake makers
were my best customers. I likewise made something considerable by the
old rags which were given me by charitable persons who could not without
pity see a lad of my age almost naked, especially in winter.

Having by this time become acquainted with the first professors in the
art of begging, I was now perfect master of the trade, by following
their directions and example. It happened one day that about thirty of
our fraternity were collected before the door of the Ambassador of
France, where I heard one of my comrades behind me cry, “Look at that
Spanish glutton there, he’ll certainly spoil our trade. When once his
guts are well filled with the soup or meat that is given him, he
declines taking any more; this it is that ruins our business. By these
means, people will be apt to think that poor people like us have too
much given them.” One of our veterans, who knew me, overhearing this,
said to the beggar who uttered this complaint, “Peace, comrade, do you
not see that this novice is a stranger who is not yet acquainted with
our regulations. Leave him to me, and I will undertake to instruct him.
He is a pretty apt scholar, I assure you, and will in a very short time
be a match for any of us.”

After having thus taken my part, he called me aside in a low voice, and
asked me several questions; as, in what part of Spain I was born? what
was my name, and how long I had been at Rome? When I had answered all
these queries in a very laconic style, he proceeded to represent to me,
but in a very mild manner, the mutual feeling that beggars were bound to
observe towards each other, that a proper _decorum_ might be supported
among them; that they ought to be so united as to play into each other’s
hands like brother pick-pockets in a fair. From thence entering into a
long detail, he revealed so many secrets to me as soon convinced me how
inferior I was to these great men. Amongst other things which I had
never yet heard of, he taught me how to enlarge my stomach, so as to be
able to eat four times as much as usual, without incommoding myself; not
forgetting to recommend me, never to eat before people, without
effecting extreme greediness, for he assured me, it was most essential
to persuade them that beggars are dying with hunger. He concluded by
informing me at what hours I should be sure to be at such and such
places: that in some houses I might venture to enter the kitchen, and
even as far as the parlour; but that in others I must not dare to enter
the door.

I now thought that he had completely exhausted the subject, but all
these things were nothing in comparison with the begging-laws, which he
made me read at his own house, whither he led me, as soon as the alms of
the French Ambassador were distributed. He did not content himself by
allowing me merely to read these admirable regulations, but insisted on
my taking a copy of them, that by being well acquainted with them, I
might never again infringe them in so shameful a manner. I have not
thought myself bound, friendly reader, to withhold these statutes, which
I shall communicate to you as they were presented to me. If there be any
who have no wish to have the manners of low life depicted to them, is it
just that I should accommodate myself to their excessive delicacy, and
withdraw a picture which may afford much pleasure to others?




CHAP. XXII.

_The Laws of begging._


As beggars of every nation are distinguished from each other by their
different modes of imploring alms; as the Germans beg by singing, and in
troops, the French by their praying, the Flemings by their respectful
bowings, the Bohemians by fortune telling, the Portuguese by their
crying, the Italians by long harangues, the English by abusing, and the
Spaniards by their haughty growlings: we hereby command them all to
observe the following Statutes under pain of our heavy displeasure.

1. We forbid any lame or wounded beggar, of whatever nation he be, to
appear in the quarters frequented by others full of health and vigour,
on account of the advantage they will have over the latter. We also
ordain, that all such as are in perfect health, form no manner of
connexion with blind men, field-preachers, mountebanks, poets,
musicians, redeemed captives, nor even with old soldiers that have
escaped from a rout, or seamen saved from a shipwreck. For although it
is generally allowed, that all these must subsist by imploring charity,
their manners of begging being different, it is necessary that each
society keep to its own particular rules.

2. We ordain that beggars have certain taverns assigned them in every
country, where shall preside three or four of their ancients with staves
in their hands as emblems of their authority. Which said ancients are
hereby empowered to canvass, in the aforesaid taverns, all the affairs
of the world, and to give their opinions as freely as they please. At
the same time, we permit the other beggars to relate their own heroic
exploits, as well as those of their ancestors, and even to illustrate
the conversation by boasting of battles they were never in.

3. We command, that every beggar carry a good cudgel in his hand, with a
spike at the end of it if possible, to be provided against emergencies,
lest they repent of their neglect.

4. That each beggar take especial care never to presume to wear any
thing new; that all his clothes be worn out, torn, or patched; nothing
bringing more scandal on our profession than begging in good clothes. Be
it, however, well understood, that if in the exercise of his
professional duties, a beggar chance to obtain some new garment, he is
at liberty to deck himself out in it for that day, but no longer. We
positively will, and command, that he dispose of it the following
morning.

5. To prevent any dispute that may arise between comrades for certain
posts, we ordain that the more ancient possessor prevail and take
precedence, without regard to persons.

6. It is permitted that two infirm or sick persons beg in company, if
they please, and call each other brothers; provided they beg by turns
and in a different tone, the one beginning where the other leaves off.
They are to keep opposite each other on different sides of the street,
each singing his own misfortunes; they may afterwards divide their
profits as they please.

7. It is permitted that a beggar wear an old dish-clout round his head
in winter instead of a bonnet, that while he is protected from the cold,
he may at the same time appear an invalid. He is likewise at liberty to
walk with crutches, or to have one leg tied up behind him.

8. Every beggar may have a purse and a pocket, but must receive alms in
their hats only.

9. We command, that no beggar be so indiscreet as to divulge any of the
mysteries of our trade to any but such as belong to our Society.

10. Should any beggar be so fortunate as to discover any new trick in
the art of begging, he shall be obliged to communicate the same to the
company, which ought to enjoy in common the benefit arising from the
genius of any of its members. As a recompence, however, to the inventor,
and to stimulate his genius to new discoveries, we decree that he have
an exclusive privilege to make the most of his device for three months;
during which time we peremptorily forbid any other belonging to our
fraternity from interfering with his practice, under pain of
confiscating to his use all the profits that may be derived therefrom.

11. We exhort the members of this Society freely and faithfully to make
known to each other all the houses where they know that either private
or public alms are likely to be dispensed; especially those in which
gaming or courting is going forward, for in such places large receipts
are certain.

12. We command, that no beggar presume to keep or lead about with him
any hunting, setting, or other dogs; blind men only being allowed to be
conducted by a little cur with a string round its neck. This prohibition
is not meant to extend to such of our fraternity as may chance to
possess dogs of talent. These may be allowed to exhibit their
performances as usual, by making their dogs dance or jump through hoops;
but they must not presume to take their station at a church-door, where
other beggars of the Society may be assembled, on account of the great
advantage they will have over them.

13. We command, that no beggar venture to buy meat or fish in the
market on his own account, except in a case of extreme necessity, as
very ill consequences may arise from so doing.

14. We permit all such beggars as have no children of their own to hire
as many as four to lead about with them into the churches on festivals;
these should not be above five years old, and, if possible, should
appear to be twins. If a female conduct them, she should never fail to
have one always at her breast; and if a man, he must be sure to carry
one on his arm, and lead the other by the hand.

15. We command, that those beggars who have any children, instruct them,
up to the age of six years, in the best mode of making collections in
churches; that, after having taught them to ask charity for their father
and mother who lie on their beds at home most dangerously ill, they
allow them to go alone, though it were better not entirely to lose sight
of them. As soon, however, as these children shall have attained their
seventh year, we command that they be left to shift for themselves, as
being already majors, and that their parents be content to restrict and
compel them to return home at stipulated hours.

16. Beggars of the old stamp, who consider it a point of honor to walk
in the footsteps of their ancestors who have trained them to the
profession of begging, will never allow their children to take any other
trade than their own, nor to degrade themselves by entering into the
service of any one; and if these children wish to be thought worthy of
their parents, they will hold every other condition in abhorrence.

17. Although Idleness be the principal divinity worshipped by us
beggars, we, nevertheless, think proper to prescribe certain hours of
rising. Every one should dress and turn out by seven o’clock in winter,
and by five in summer, or even sooner, if he feel so disposed; and
should be in bed again by the same hour in the evening, except on
extraordinary occasions, and according to the directions of the veterans
of the Society.

18. Be for ever declared infamous, and banished from our Society, all
such as shall presume to steal, harbour stolen goods, strip little
children, or commit any such villanies.

19. As it is our wish that all young persons who embark in our
profession be treated favorably, we will and ordain, that, for the
future, any brother who shall have attained the age of twelve years
shall be obliged to pass a noviciate of three years only instead of
five; and we insist that after the said term of three years he be
considered a graduate in the profession, and as a subject who has duly
complied with and fulfilled all the laws of our institution.

20. At the same time we require of the said brother that he make oath
never to desert our Society, but continue attached to it, and never
think of withdrawing himself from our service without our especial
leave; promising to pay due submission and obedience to our statutes,
under pain of our highest displeasure.




CHAP. XXIII.

_Of the disagreeable adventure poor Guzman met with, while begging in
the City of Rome during the heat of the day._


In addition to these laws, this famous doctor in the art communicated to
me others which he told me had been established by the most celebrated
beggars of Italy, and particularly by the renowned Albert, surnamed
_Messer Morcon_--in other words, Mr. Big-guts--who was looked upon as
Generalissimo of the Beggars at Rome. In truth, he well deserved that
title, and even that of Prince of the Beggars, or rather the Archbeggar,
of Christendom.

He was worthy to be Emperor of the Idlers, as well on account of his
appearance as of his manners and understanding. He would devour at a
single meal the whole of the tripe and trotters of two good sheep, a
cow’s udder, and ten pounds of bread, not to mention the scraps that he
collected, which he generally applied solely to his own use. He would
drink in proportion. It is true that he alone would scrape up as much in
begging as ten of the most deformed and crippled of our Society; but
then he had occasion for all this, as I before told you; for although he
consumed every scrap that was given him, and spent all his money in
drink, he was frequently obliged to have recourse to the larders of
other beggars, who, considering themselves his vassals, were always well
pleased to contribute to his subsistence. He never seemed satisfied
either with wine or victuals. He always went, both summer and winter,
open breasted, and never wore either shirt or stockings. His head was
always bare, his chin always well shaved, and his skin was as white and
shining as if it had been rubbed with lard.

Among other rules made by this famous _Messer Morcon_ during his reign,
there is one which is well worth repeating: he ordained that every
beggar should sleep on the ground, without either mattress or pillow,
and that they should leave off begging every day as soon as they had
gained sufficient for the day’s necessities; for, said he, a true beggar
ought to depend entirely upon Providence, and think not of the morrow.

I got all the laws of begging by heart, but was content to observe the
most essential only. Nevertheless, as I was ambitious to distinguish
myself in every profession I embraced, I was frequently tempted to run
risks which turned out neither to my honor nor profit. An unlucky
adventure of this description occurred to me one day in the month of
September. The day was oppressively hot; I happened to go out between
one and two o’clock, to beg from door to door in the streets of Rome,
imagining that every one who saw me begging at such a time would be sure
to think I must be half starved, and that I should not fail to have
either victuals or money given me on that account. In vain, however, did
I range the principal quarter of the city, making the air resound with
my lamentations; I met with nothing but repulses and reproaches.

I repaired to another quarter, hoping to find hearts more sensible to my
cries. I knocked at a door with my stick, but as I obtained no answer,
I repeated my strokes very loudly three or four times; but just as I had
made up my mind not to budge until I had made myself heard, a
kitchen-boy appeared at one of the upper windows, who seemed to be
washing dishes, and, as a reward for my obstinacy, poured down a
cauldron of boiling water on my head, and immediately _afterwards_ cried
out, _Scaldings! look to yourself below there!_

As soon as I felt myself baptized in this hot manner, I set up so
frightful a yell, and made such grimaces, that I gathered a great crowd
round me in a moment. Some few blamed the kitchen-boy; but all the rest
told me that I was much in the wrong to presume thus to disturb
gentlefolks who were asleep, and that if I did not feel inclined for
sleep myself, I ought not at least to wake others. Some among them
pitied me, and, to console me for my unlucky accident, put a few sous
in my hand, with which I withdrew, intending to go home and dry myself.
“Admirable!” thought I, in my own way home. “Wilt thou never be content
with what is needful for thee? what demon tempted thee to do what others
of thy calling never venture to attempt?”

I was already very near my own lodgings, when a neighbour, who was one
of the oldest of our fraternity, called me into a cellar where he
resided, and, seating me on a three-legged stool, asked me where the
devil I had come from, what bath I had just left, and who had made me in
such a pickle? When I related my adventure he laughed most heartily.
This old man was a native of Cordova, born, trained up, and destined to
die in the profession of begging. “My poor Guzman,” said he, “I fear
much you will be a simpleton all your life; the blood is too hot in your
veins; you seem to wish to be master before you have served your
apprenticeship. Do you not see your folly in violating our customs? But,
as we are both from the same country, and your extreme youth is some
sort of excuse for you, I will endeavour to point out your duty to you
more clearly. In the first place, my friend, know that nobody ever gives
alms at Rome in the afternoon. The citizens as well as the people of
quality always take a nap at that time of the day; and you are sure only
to displease by waking them or disturbing their slumbers. When a beggar
has howled twice, in a supplicating tone, at the door of a house,
without seeing any one, it is a sign that the people of the house do not
chuse to be seen, and, consequently, the best way is to be gone without
further loss of time. Be not so imprudent as to open a door that you
find shut, still less to enter the house; ask whatever you want from the
street, for fear of the dogs of the house, who can easily distinguish us
from other men, and who, considering us their rivals, have a natural
antipathy towards us.

“One of the best pieces of advice that I can give you,” continued he,
“is by reminding you that you are a Spaniard. This supposes in you a
disposition always ready to treat with rudeness all such as withhold
their charity; thus, when you address yourself to one of these
ill-disposed rich ones, who not only make it a rule never to assist us,
but will also reproach us most bitterly for our idleness, recollect that
you should always answer their hard-hearted treatment with words full of
softness and humility. Another piece of good advice: should you by
chance, which has happened to me at least a hundred times in my life,
approach a cavalier who, just as you implore his charity, takes off his
glove and puts his hand in his pocket, I do not forbid you to feel
rejoiced at such an action; but if you afterwards discover that it was
only with the intention of drawing out his handkerchief, do not venture
to testify chagrin at your disappointment, nor growl at him, for there
may chance to be another gentleman near him who might have intended to
relieve you, had not your grumbling prevented his design.”

After the old Cordovan had given me these political precepts, he taught
me how I might raise a pretended leprosy and ulcers; how a leg might be
swelled; how I might make an arm appear dislocated, and render my face
paler than death itself. In short, he possessed a thousand curious
secrets, which he was so kind as to communicate to me, not more out of
friendship for me, as he told me, than from the fear that he might leave
this world for the other without having bequeathed them to any one. In
fact, he died a few days after this conversation.




CHAP. XXIV.

_Of the agreeable life Guzman continued to lead with his Comrades. An
account of his Journey to Gaeta. History of a Beggar who died at
Florence._


Notwithstanding the disposition recommended by the tenth statute of our
laws, I did not think proper to communicate to my comrades the secrets
of the Cordovan, who had revealed them to none but myself; nevertheless
we all lived together in perfect union. We frequently met together of an
evening to the number of ten or twelve, and passed our time in
practising and inventing new exclamations to excite pity. There were
even some among us who discovered new forms of benediction which they
got a livelihood by, and which they sold to the others, who were always
willing to purchase them on account of their novelty.

On festival-days we would be up betimes and run to the churches where
indulgences were dispensed, that we might secure the best places, by
being as near as we could to the _Holy Water_, or at the entrance of the
Chapel near the _Station_,--which is the place set apart for penitents
to stand and recite the prayers prescribed for them. Thus were our
mornings employed, and towards night we generally left the City to make
an excursion into the villages in the environs, as well as the farms and
country-seats, whence we seldom returned without being well laden with
abundance of lard, bread, eggs and cheese; sometimes with a good
collection of old clothes, so well did we know how to excite the
compassion of the good folks in the country. If on the road we saw any
person of distinction coming towards us, the instant we perceived him at
a distance, we set up a concert of plaintive voices imploring his
charity, that he might have abundance of time to put his hand in his
pocket, otherwise he might have passed on without stopping.

When we had to meet a number of citizens together, and had time to
prepare for it, we would every one of us act a different character; one
would halt as if he were lame, another would counterfeit blindness; a
third would carry one arm in a sling, another would affect dumbness; a
fifth would distort his mouth or his legs, and a sixth would walk on
crutches; in a word, we every one of us performed a different part,
taking care to place the most skilful amongst us at our head, to render
the scene more affecting.

You would have been well amused had you but heard the various
benedictions we employed to extract the marrow from their purses. We
prayed that God would give them children, prosper their commerce, and
bless them with good health; such wishes as these were scarcely ever
thrown away. There never was a party of pleasure or an entertainment of
any sort going forward, but we were sure to smell it out and pick up
something; and we never failed to repair, in small numbers at a time, to
such places, where we always got as much as we could eat. The hotels of
Bishops, Cardinals, Ambassadors, all the great houses were open to us,
and we frequented them by turns: thus we partook of every thing, though
we possessed nothing.

I know not how my comrades felt affected when they chanced to receive
alms from the hand of a pretty woman; for myself, miserable sinner, when
a young female approached me whose figure I admired, I could not refrain
from leering upon her with an amorous look when I implored her charity.
If she herself gave me money, I pressed her hand tenderly in my own, and
kissed it before I allowed it to escape. But I always committed this
rash action with so respectful, or rather so hypocritical an air, that
the lady, not suspecting that it was merely for my own gratification,
always considered this insolence as a transport of gratitude.

The pleasures of this world, which have been thought to be the share of
the rich and great only, may much more reasonably be said to fall to the
lot of us beggars, who enjoy the sweets of life with more freedom, more
relish, and tranquillity. Even though beggars had no other advantage
than that of begging and receiving without either embarrassment or
shame, they enjoy therein a privilege which none of the rest of mankind
possess, sovereigns only excepted, who also beg of their people without
blushing: but the difference between them is, that sovereigns often make
poor folks contribute to their wants, while beggars seldom ask of any
but such as are richer than themselves. There is evidently then no
condition of life more happy than that of a beggar, and fortunate were
it, indeed, if every one could know when he is so well off. The greater
number of my comrades, however, were so entirely engrossed with
delicacies of animal life, that one half of their felicity was actually
thrown away: they did not reflect how sweet it was to live independent,
without the dread of law-suits or the fear that their money was badly
applied: to be unaffected by the intrigues of state, by the uncertainty
of business and speculation, or by the numberless mischances and
embarrassments to which every other man is constantly subject. The first
man who embraced this mode of life must, doubtless, have been a great
philosopher.

I would willingly have believed beggars entirely free from the control
of Fortune, did not that malicious goddess take pleasure in occasionally
showing her power over them, by subjecting them to little disgraces, as
well as others. Of this nature was what happened to me in the town of
Gaeta, whither I went out of curiosity, imagining that a man like me,
who might now be reckoned skilful in my trade, would have no sooner
entered the place, than alms would shower down as thick as hail upon
him. The instant I arrived there I covered my head with a false scab,
which I knew well how to counterfeit, and placed myself at the door of a
church. The governor of the town happened to pass by me, and after
having looked at me for some time with attention, gave me alms. A
considerable number of the inhabitants of both sexes followed his
example, and this good luck lasted for several days; but covetousness,
as the saying is, at last bursts the bag. On the next festival-day,
thinking that my pretended scabby head was too old a trick, I determined
to make myself an ulcer on my leg, and soon raised one by making use of
one of the secrets the old Cordovan had revealed to me.

Having prepared all that was necessary to dress up my leg so as to
yield me a good harvest, I posted myself in the best situation at the
door of another church, where I immediately began to writhe myself about
and howl, as if I had been exceedingly afflicted by my ulcer, so as to
attract the notice of every one that passed by me; and though my healthy
countenance was sufficient to have belied my complaints (for I had
neglected to manufacture a pale face on the occasion), and have created
suspicion, yet I found that my apparently distressing situation excited
the compassion of many; for these charitable folks did not examine so
accurately as to detect me, and I in consequence received individually
greater contributions than all the other beggars who were there, who
wished me and my ulcer at the devil.

Unluckily, however, the aforementioned governor chanced to come to hear
mass at this church, and had no sooner listened to me for a moment than
he recognized me by my voice. He could not otherwise have possibly
recollected me, for my head was completely covered with a large napkin
which descended to my nose; but he was a man of experience who had seen
a great deal of the world; and as soon as he espied me I knew well that
he said to himself, “It cannot be four days since I saw and relieved
this same fellow; can he possibly have been afflicted since that time
with so bad an ulcer on his leg? there must be some roguery in this
affair, and it is incumbent on me to inquire further into it:” “My
friend,” said he, addressing himself to me, “I am much affected by your
miserable situation; follow me home and I will give you a good shirt.”

I was so imprudent as to obey him, without the slightest suspicion of
his design upon me; for had I in the least guessed at it I should soon
have forced my way through his servants, and disappointed him of the
punishment he had devised for me. Having arrived at his house, I did
not presage much good when he looked at me with earnestness, and then
demanded of me in a severe tone if I was not the same person whom he had
seen a few days since at a church door with a bad head. I turned pale at
this question, and could not muster impudence enough to answer in the
negative, whereupon he insisted on seeing my head, and not perceiving
the least appearance of disorder: “Tell me,” said he, “by what singular
remedy you can possibly have cured yourself so perfectly in the short
space of four days, and how you can have so inveterate an ulcer on your
leg accompanied with so ruddy a complexion:” “Sir,” replied I; so
disconcerted that I knew not what I said,--“I know not: but God was
pleased that it should be so.”

I was still more troubled when I heard him desire one of his servants to
run for a surgeon. I knew well what was preparing for me, and should
soon have made an attempt to escape, if I had not observed that the door
was locked; but as such was the case I was obliged to submit. At length
the surgeon arrived, and examined my leg most attentively, and, skilful
as he was, would very probably have been deceived, had not the governor
communicated to him in a whisper the reasons he had for thinking me an
impostor; after this the surgeon had but little trouble in discovering
the truth: he examined the ulcer afresh, and then declared, with an air
of importance and sagacity, that I had no more ailment in my leg than he
himself had in his eye: “Bring me some hot water,” said he, “and I will
prove clearly what I assert.” This was soon supplied; the surgeon rubbed
and washed my leg, which became in an instant so clean and healthful,
that I dared not utter a syllable in defence of my knavery.

The governor, thinking that he was bound to reward me for my address,
gave me the shirt he had been so kind as to promise, which was fitted on
my back in a moment by one of his lusty servants, who applied thirty
hearty lashes by his master’s directions, by way of recompence for my
journey. After which I was ordered to leave the town immediately, with
the promise that I should be doubly remunerated if I ever ventured to
make my appearance in it again. This was a very superfluous prohibition,
for the pleasant treatment I had met with in Gaeta was of itself quite
sufficient to divest me of all desire of visiting that place again. I
left this cursed town therefore without further delay, shrugging up my
shoulders all the way I went, until I arrived once more in the Pope’s
territories. I greeted my dear Rome with a thousand blessings as I
entered it, and no sooner saw it at a distance than tears of joy
trickled from my eyes, and I could not refrain from wishing my arms long
enough to have embraced it.

I soon rejoined my old comrades, but took good care not to communicate
my late disgrace to them: had they known it, I should never have heard
the last of my flogging adventure at Gaeta, which would have been an
everlasting joke against me. I told them that I had merely taken a trip
out of curiosity to some of the neighbouring villages; but that I had
found by experience that, there was no place like Rome for persons of
our calling. I must indeed have been half mad when I thought of leaving
this blessed city, where we all lived so well, never failing to collect
daily as much money as we wanted. Every fowl fills its crop by a single
grain at a time. In like manner we accumulated our money; and after
having converted it into gold, we carried it about with us sewed to our
garments under rags, which frequently concealed a sufficient sum to buy
a complete new suit. We might be said to have been stitched up with
gold; and there were some few old rascals among us who were worth a very
considerable sum which they always carried about their persons. Persons
of our class generally possess the vices of avarice and cruelty in the
highest degree. I will illustrate this assertion by relating to you a
very singular example in the history of a beggar of my own acquaintance,
which is well worth the recital.

A poor beggar, named _Pantalon Castello_, a native of Genoa, having
married at Florence, had one son by his wife whom he intended so to
establish in life as to render it unnecessary for him either to work, or
go into service to obtain his livelihood: with this view, taking
advantage of the facility with which the delicate members of a new born
infant may be dislocated, he determined on the barbarity of crippling
his own child. Perchance, reader, you will feel inclined to stop me
here, to tell me that this is by no means extraordinary among beggars.
I am ready to allow, that beggars of every nation in the world are in
the habit of availing themselves of such inhuman means to excite
compassion: but our _Pantalon_, like a true Genoese, was willing to
surpass all his predecessors in this point, and disfigured his poor son
so dreadfully that there was scarcely such another monster in the world.
This unfortunate child, who, with the exception of his arms and tongue,
which had not been touched, was deformed all over, was no sooner out of
his infancy, than he began to exhibit himself through the streets in a
kind of cage, on a little ass which he guided with his own hands.

If, however, his body had but little of the human form in it, by way of
amends he had a great deal of wit, which shone the more brilliantly as
he advanced in age. His repartees were so pleasant and so much to the
purpose, that he was the admiration of all who knew him, and received
great alms, which he owed no less to his facetious and good natured
manner, than to the compassion excited by his unfortunate person.
Deformed and ugly as he was, however, he lived until seventy two years
of age, after which he fell sick; and knowing well that his illness must
be fatal, he began to reflect on his past life, and sent for a
confessor, a pious and learned man, with whom he was acquainted. Having
discoursed with him about all his affairs as well spiritual as temporal,
he called in a Notary, to whom he indited his will in the following
terms: _I recommend my soul to God who created it, and my body to the
earth, and I wish to be interred in my own parish_.

_Item, I desire that my ass be sold, and that the money accruing
therefrom be employed in defraying the expenses of my burial. As for the
pack-saddle, I bequeath it to the Grand Duke my Lord, to whom it of
right belongs, and whom I hereby nominate executor to this my will, and
universal heir to my property._

This beggar died a few days after, and his Will being made public,
became the talk of the city of Florence. As every one had known him to
be a merry-conceited fellow all his life, it was the general opinion
that he had hoped, by this seeming burlesque, to make folks laugh at him
even after his death. But the Duke somewhat differed from them; for
having frequently heard of the testator and his pleasantries, he
suspected there might be some mystery in it. To unravel it, therefore,
he ordered the pack-saddle which was bequeathed to him to be brought to
his Palace, where he caused it to be unripped in the presence of the
whole court, who were not a little surprised at discovering in it
several pieces of gold of all kinds, to the value of three thousand six
hundred crowns, of four hundred maravedis each. It came afterwards to be
known that it was by the advice of his Confessor that he had thus
disposed of his property, which the Grand Duke, like a just and pious
Prince, made a good use of, by employing the whole of it in founding a
perpetual Mass to be said for the testator’s soul.




CHAP. XXV.

_How Guzman excited the compassion of a Cardinal, and what followed._


Having risen one fine morning betimes, as was usual with me, I seated
myself at the gate of a Cardinal who passed for one of the most
charitable men in Rome, having first taken great pains to swell and
dress up one of my legs into an ulcer, which might have deceived the
most skilful surgeons. I had not, on this occasion, forgotten to make my
face as pale as possible, for I should have been inexcusable indeed had
I committed the same fault twice. I began begging in the most dolorous
tone that my voice was capable of, and several of the servants who were
passing in and out were much affected by my plaintive moans: but this
was merely practising for the game I had in view. It was the pity of
their master that I hoped to excite, who no sooner made his appearance
than I redoubled my cries and complaints, addressing him in these words:
“O noble Christian! friend of Jesus Christ! take pity on a poor
afflicted sinner, diseased and crippled in the flower of his age; be
pleased, your Eminence, to take compassion on my misery, and praised be
the passion of our Redeemer.”

The Cardinal, who was a holy man, stopped to listen to me; and hoping to
please the Lord in extending his charity towards me, he turned to his
domestics, saying, “Take this poor wretch in your arms, and convey him
into my chamber; there let these rags be taken from off him, furnish
him with clean linen, lay him in my own bed, and have another prepared
for me in the next apartment.” These orders were instantly obeyed. O
charity which may serve for an example to other prelates, who in general
consider Heaven as indebted to them, when they pay the slightest
attention to the misery of the poor! The Cardinal did not stop here, but
sent for two of the most celebrated surgeons in Rome, desiring them to
examine my leg, and do every thing in their power to cure it; and after
having promised to reward them well for their trouble, he left them to
their own proceedings.

On the faith of this promise, the surgeons immediately began to inspect
my ulcer, which at first seemed to them incurable. Mortification seemed
already to have taken place. This was occasioned, however, by nothing
but the herbs I had applied, and could only last for a certain time,
after which, by omitting the application, my leg would have been
restored to its natural healthy state. They then threw off their cloaks,
drew out their cases, and ordered some fire to be brought them in a
chaffing-dish, some fine white linen, and some eggs and milk. While all
these things were preparing, they began to question me concerning my
disorder, how long I had been afflicted with it, and if I knew how I
first came by it? if I drank any wine? what I was accustomed to eat? In
short, they asked me all the questions usual with persons of their
profession on such occasions, to which I was not able to answer a word,
so dreadfully frightened was I at the terrible preparations that were
making before my eyes. I knew not what Saint I could presume to implore,
for I could not flatter myself that there was one to be found in Heaven
willing to intercede for such a knave as myself. I began to reflect on
what had so recently happened to me at Gaeta, and could scarcely hope
to escape in this instance with so slight a punishment.

The surgeons, after having turned my leg in all directions twenty times
over, retired into another chamber, to discourse together, and
communicate their observations to each other more privately. I was
terribly alarmed as to what would be the result of this consultation,
not knowing but they might decide on cutting my leg off. I leaped
straightway out of bed, therefore, to follow and listen to them, fully
resolving to confess the truth, if I should find they had determined
upon amputation. I approached the door, and while I listened most
attentively to their conversation, heard one of these sages say to the
other: “We may make a good job of this, brother, if we can understand
each other; the leg is dreadfully inflamed, and must take a long time to
cure.” “You certainly must be jesting,” answered the other, “there is no
more inflammation on that leg than on my hand: it is a description of
disorder which I am sure I can convince you may be removed in less than
two days.” “Do not believe it,” replied he who had first spoken; “by St.
Comas, I flatter myself I have some knowledge in ulcers, and I do
maintain that this is a decided mortification.” “No, no,” retorted the
other; “believe me, our patient is an arrant rogue, and has no real
disorder whatever to complain of; I know well enough how a sham ulcer
may be raised, for I have often met with similar cases, and can even
tell you the herbs this impostor has made use of to reduce his leg into
its present apparently diseased state.”

The surgeon who had been my dupe was quite abashed at these words; but
thinking that it concerned his reputation to persist in his first
assertion, he would not yield to his comrade’s opinion. The dispute
would have grown very hot between them, had not the second surgeon been
politic enough to terminate it by entreating his brother to examine the
leg afresh. “Just inspect it again,” said he, “and you will no longer
doubt the deception.” “Willingly,” replied the other; “and if I find the
ulcer such as you have affirmed, I will readily yield to your judgment.”
“That is not enough,” replied the former; “in acknowledging your error,
you must also agree that I deserve to have a greater share of the
profits than you.” “By no means,” cried his companion; “do not take so
much merit to yourself for such a discovery, which I might have made
without your assistance. I insist that we share equally whatever fees
his Eminence may give us.” They disputed afresh on this point, and their
quarrel grew so high that they came at length to the resolution of
laying the full particulars of the case before the Cardinal.

When I found how things were likely to end, I hesitated no longer, but
entered the room suddenly, threw myself at their feet, and with tears
in my eyes, (for I had a peculiar talent in being able to cry when I
would) addressed them in these words:--“Take compassion, my dear
gentlemen, on one who is but a man like yourselves. You well know that
the rich are so hard-hearted now-a-days, that it is impossible for the
poor to excite their pity, otherwise than by covering themselves with
wounds and sores, and that it is but seldom that we can obtain any thing
but the most miserable pittance even by these means. What can you gain
by discovering my knavery? you will lose the reward which has been
promised you, which cannot escape you if you can consent that we all
three concert matters together. You may safely venture to place
confidence in me, for the fear of punishment will insure my discretion.”

The surgeons, after a little reflection, made up their minds to profit
by this opportunity of touching the Cardinal’s money. This was no
sooner agreed than we returned to his Eminence’s chamber, where they
seated me on a chair, and began to re-examine my leg, which they
plastered up with the drugs they considered most likely to make the sore
last as it was. They then bound it up, and wrapped a napkin round it,
and, observing the Cardinal enter the room at that very instant, took me
up in their arms to keep up appearances, and placed me on the bed again.
His Eminence, who was extremely uneasy on account of my ulcer, inquired
about it immediately. “My Lord,” said one of the surgeons with a grave
countenance, “this poor lad’s situation is truly pitiable; his leg is
already mortified; we trust, however, that with God’s assistance, we may
be able to do something for him, but his cure must be the work of time.”
“It is most fortunate for him,” said the other surgeon, “that he has
this day fallen into our hands; one day more must have proved fatal;
and Heaven had certainly ordained that his life should be saved by
sending him to the door of your Eminence.”

The Cardinal was extremely pleased at this report, and told them that
they might take as much time as they pleased, provided they cured me in
the end. He besought them afresh to neglect nothing that might
contribute to my recovery, promising that he would see that I should be
well treated in his house. They assured him that his confidence should
not be misplaced, and that they would not fail, one or other of them, to
call and see me twice a day; for that it would be necessary for them to
consult together upon the slightest change that might take place in my
disorder. After this they withdrew, and left me more at ease in my mind;
for to this moment I had been very suspicious of these two treacherous
rascals, lest they should expose my knavery while they pretended to be
accomplices. These unconscionable dogs obliged me to keep my chamber for
three months, which appeared three ages to me, so difficult is it to
lose the desire for gaming and begging. In vain did I lie in a fine bed;
in vain did I fare like his Eminence himself; nothing could recompense
me for such confinement. At length, I pressed, I tormented my surgeons
so eternally to bring this comedy to an end, that they were obliged at
last to yield to my importunities. They left my ulcer, therefore, to
take its course, and when they found that my leg was restored to its
natural state, acquainted the good Cardinal with it, who was quite
astonished at so wonderful a cure, and dismissed these quacks, after
having paid them much more than they deserved. His Eminence had been so
kind as to pay me several visits during the course of my pretended
illness. I had frequent conversations with this holy prelate, who
having discovered in me a sort of wit which pleased him, had taken a
great fancy to me. As a proof of which he proposed and seemed to wish to
take me into his service, among the number of his pages; an honour which
was too gratifying to me to think of refusing.




CHAP. XXVI.

_Guzman becomes page to the Cardinal, and commits a thousand mischievous
tricks in his service._


Thus did I all of a sudden become a page. This was in truth a fine leap
for me, although between knave and page there is no difference but their
dress, for their propensities are precisely the same; it served,
however, to amuse me, and prevented my growing idle, though I felt like
a fish out of water in my new employment. As a beggar I was in my
element; accustomed to the soups of Egypt, I felt myself at home no
where but in the tavern. I was, therefore, by no means pleased by the
life I led in this house, where every thing was regulated by rule and
compass; where at one time I was employed with a flambeau in my hand
running up or down stairs, to light our visitors as they entered or left
the house, and at another was obliged to dance attendance in the
ante-chamber, kicking my heels there for about two hours, until I
received my orders. Always in readiness to follow carriages by night as
well as by day, or to wait at table and devour with my eyes only all the
dishes that were served up; in a word, it was necessary for me to be at
hand on all occasions, and that not for a few days only, but from the
first day of January to the last of December.

Ah! miserable slave, you will naturally say, what profit could you
possibly derive during a year of so much trouble? alas! I must answer, I
was servant to every body; a fine coat was certainly given me, but that
not so much for my own use as my lord’s honour. I got nothing in this
service but the itch and severe colds, except some ends of flambeaux
which I stole and sold to the cobblers; and it was necessary to be very
cautious to commit even these little thefts with impunity. Woe to us
pages if we were ever caught in the fact; we were sure to get well
lashed. Besides the pieces of wax that we cut off the flambeaux, we
sometimes lay our hands upon some tit-bits that were served up at table,
which we ate in private. But such tricks as these required more
dexterity than was possessed by any of my comrades; and a pretty
accident befel one of these silly fellows. As he was clearing away the
dishes after having waited at table, he thought proper to steal some
honey fritters, which he wrapped up hastily in his handkerchief, and
crammed into his pocket. The fritters being very hot, and pent up in so
close a place, began to discharge their honey, which ran all down the
poor page’s leg. Ill-luck directed the Cardinal’s eyes that way, who,
guessing at first sight what it was, began to laugh most heartily.
“Page,” said he, addressing himself to this simpleton, “I perceive blood
trickling down your legs; are you any where wounded?” At this question,
all the company, which was very numerous, and even the servants, turned
about to look at the culprit’s leg, and the poor devil of a page stood
confused and mortified, knowing that his crime was discovered. Happy for
him had he been let off for the shame of enduring the extreme laughter
which he excited, but he paid much more dearly the next day for his
fritters, the honey of which was but sour to him.

Most of my other comrades were as green as this one when I was first
received among them; and as I could not refrain from following my old
habits, I employed myself in robbing them of whatever they had worth
stealing, in spite of all the pains they took to secure themselves from
my clutches. This soon taught them to be rather more vigilant. Our
master kept, in a closet adjoining his own bed-chamber, a large chest,
filled with all sorts of dried sweetmeats, which he was extremely fond
of. In this chest, among other things, were prunes from Genoa,
bergamot-pears from Aranjuez, melons from Grenada, citrons from Seville,
oranges from Placentia, lemons from Murcia, cucumbers from Valencia,
love-apples from Toledo, peaches from Arragon, and raisins from Malaga.
In short, the most delicious sweetmeats and dried fruits of every
description were to be found in this enviable chest, which never failed
to make my mouth water whenever his Eminence gave me the key to get
some out for him. On such occasions, however, he always took good care
to be present himself, distrusting, as I supposed, my thieving
disposition. I was much mortified at this suspicion, which only served
to excite my desire, which was already strong enough, to have a taste of
these fine preserves, and not being able any longer to resist the
temptation, I thought of nothing but the means of gratifying my
inclination. The chest was about a yard wide, and two yards and a half
long, and had only one lock in the middle. Seeing this, I procured a
wooden wedge, and raised a corner of the lid, by which means I made an
opening large enough to admit my arm; but as I could then only choose
such sweetmeats as lay within my reach, I fastened a hook to the end of
a long stick, with the assistance of which I had the pleasure of picking
and choosing where I pleased. Thus I made myself complete master of the
chest without having the key of it.

Notwithstanding the great quantity of fruits in the chest, my stick was
so frequently at work that they began to diminish apace. The Cardinal
observed large holes here and there, which did not much please him; but
one day being desirous to taste a very fine citron which he had taken
particular notice of the preceding evening, what was his astonishment
when he found it flown? He summoned his principal officers before him,
and told them he was determined to know which of his domestics had been
so insolent as to open his chest and touch the fruits he so much prized,
charging his major-domo, a sour ill-natured priest, to leave no stone
unturned to find out the thief. Suspicion fell upon the pages, and we
were ordered to assemble in the hall, where we were searched, one after
another; but to no purpose were our pockets ransacked, in vain were we
threatened, for I had long ere this not only eaten the citron but
digested it.

This affair soon blew over, and no more was said of it. The Cardinal,
however, had not forgotten it, and I was obliged to be so much on my
guard that I did not venture to pay another visit to my favourite chest,
even to look at it, for several days. This vexed me exceedingly; for I
had acquired a particular relish for his Eminence’s sweetmeats, and so
far from thinking of giving them up, was waiting anxiously for the first
opportunity of having another touch at them. One day, therefore, while
the Cardinal was engaged at play with some other Cardinals after dinner,
I doubted not that I should have abundance of leisure to resort to my
old sport again. Quite confident of this, I ran for my tools, which I
had hid in a snug place, and glided into the closet without being
perceived by any one. Scarcely had I raised the lid and thrust in my
arm, when his Eminence entered the chamber, and finding neither of his
pages there, assisted himself to what he wanted. I heard him, and
endeavoured to release my arm with so much haste and fear that I struck
the wedge out with my elbow, and the lid fell on my arm, so that I was
caught like a bird in a trap. The Cardinal, hearing the noise, began to
be alarmed for his sweetmeats, and entered the closet immediately, where
he found me in this ludicrous situation: “Ah! ah! friend Guzman,” cried
he, “is it then you who rob me of my sweetmeats?” The grimaces that I
made at finding myself so fairly caught were so ridiculous that he could
not restrain his laughter. He even called the other Cardinals that they
might enjoy my confusion, who left off playing and ran up immediately;
and after they had diverted themselves for some time at my expence, they
entreated him to forgive me this time, saying that they were convinced I
should not again transgress. But my master was inexorable: all that
their prayers could obtain for me was, that I should receive only a
dozen lashes instead of four-and-twenty, which I had so richly deserved.
This chastisement could not be remitted; and the major-domo, signor
Nicola, my mortal enemy, was charged to inflict it in his own apartment;
which duty he acquitted himself of with such hearty good will, that I
was scarcely able to stir for above a fortnight after.

It was not many days, however, before I was avenged on him for this hard
usage. You must know that this chanced to be just the season for
mosquitos, with which Rome was more than usually swarmed that year.
Signor Nicola, who loved his ease, was complaining one day in my
presence how much he was annoyed in his bed by these troublesome
companions. “Signor,” said I, “you will have only yourself to blame if
you are not quickly rid of them for ever. In Spain we have an
infallible secret to secure ourselves from being plagued by these
insects, which, if you please, I shall be happy to communicate to you.”
“You will oblige me beyond measure,” answered Nicola. “You have only,”
replied I, with a serious countenance, “to lay at your bed’s-head a good
bunch of parsley well steeped in vinegar, of which these vermin are
extremely fond, and which is sure to kill them.”

He believed me, and tried the experiment that very night, but it had a
very different effect, for he found himself assailed more cruelly than
ever, and was even fearful that they would have eaten his nose off or
torn out his eyes, and had given himself a thousand violent thumps on
the face during the night to get rid of them. Thus had he fought with
them until daylight, when he found that he had not come very
victoriously off, for that even of such of his enemies as he thought he
had crushed, very many had escaped. I did not fail to go into his
chamber to see him the first thing in the morning, and his swoln eyes
quickly assured me of the success of my plan. He told me how he had been
tormented, saying that my secret was not worth a farthing. I affected
great astonishment. “You cannot then,” said I, “have left the parsley
long enough in the vinegar, or the vinegar you were supplied with must
have been very weak and bad; for I assure you, that by carrying a bunch
of parsley prepared in the same manner into my own chamber, I have
entirely cleared it of these troublesome guests, who were there in
swarms before I used this remedy.” The major-domo was fool enough to
believe me again, and left a whole bundle of parsley to soak for above
six hours in the strongest vinegar he could procure, and then not only
put it into his bed, but scattered it all over his chamber. God knows
what furious attacks he was therefore exposed to: I verily believe that
all the mosquitos in the neighbourhood poured down in legions upon him
to devour him, and made so furious an assault, that they left him like a
leper all over his body. What a thrashing would he have given me had he
met me on the following day! but his Eminence, to prevent accident,
called us both into his presence, desiring him not to treat me harshly
on the occasion, and at the same time gave me a slight reprimand, though
he could scarcely restrain his laughter at the success of my scheme.
“For what reason,” said the good prelate, “have you played such a scurvy
trick upon Signor Nicola?” “My Lord,” replied I, “for no other reason
than that when he had orders to give me a dozen lashes for my exploit
among the sweetmeats, he accommodated me with more than twenty on his
own account. I have only, therefore, avenged my scars by those I have
inflicted on him.

Thus ended this notable affair. Ever since my unlucky adventure of the
sweetmeat-chest, I had been discharged from the chamber of the pages.
The flogging I got was not the only way in which I was punished, for I
had been passed into the Chamberlain’s department, to serve among the
foot-boys until I had sufficiently atoned for my offence to be
reinstated in my former post. The Chamberlain was a man of honour and
sincerity, but rather too scrupulous, and even inclined to be visionary.
He had several relations in the neighbourhood, who were very virtuous
girls, but so poor, that he would send every day two thirds of his own
meals to enable them to subsist. He went occasionally to dine or sup
with them. This afforded an opportunity to the officers of the family,
and especially our Major-domo, to rally him before his Eminence, who was
greatly diverted by it.

One night when the Chamberlain came home after having dined with his
relations, finding himself rather indisposed, he retired into his own
chamber and went to bed. The Cardinal not seeing him at supper, inquired
after him. “My Lord,” said one of the servants, “he is not very well.”
The Cardinal, who was anxious to know what could ail him, sent one of
his gentlemen to see, who returned with a report that the Chamberlain
only required a good night’s rest, and that he doubted not he would be
perfectly well again by the morning. This passed off well enough; but
the Secretary Nicola, who was always ready to pick a hole in the
Chamberlain’s coat, having learnt the next morning that he was much
better, caused one of the pages to be dressed up in a young woman’s
clothes, who, with the assistance of a bribe to one of the foot-boys,
introduced himself into the bed-room while the Chamberlain was fast
asleep, and glided to the side of the bed where he was concealed by the
curtains. Immediately after this the Secretary went to wait on the
Cardinal, who inquired after the invalid the first thing. “He has passed
but an indifferent night, I understand,” answered Nicola, “but is much
better this morning.” The Cardinal, who loved all his domestics as a
father loveth his children, resolved, upon hearing this, to go and see
the Chamberlain himself, who was disturbed from his slumbers to be
apprised of the honour intended him.

His Eminence then entered the sick man’s chamber, and sat down on a
chair at the side of the bed; but scarcely was he seated, when he saw
the metamorphosed page slip suddenly from the bed-side, who
counterfeiting, most naturally, the embarrassed female anxious to
escape, got off at length crying, “Oh! good God, I am ruined for ever!
what must his Eminence think of me!” The Cardinal, who had not been
prepared for this scene, and who believed his Chamberlain to be a
religious steady man, appeared to be extremely surprised at this sight;
but great as his astonishment was, it amounted to nothing in comparison
with that of our visionary Chamberlain, who, as if just roused from a
most horrible dream, cried aloud, that it was assuredly the Devil
himself come to tempt him in the shape of a woman. This idea caused so
excessive an agitation of his spirits that he could scarcely be
restrained from leaping out of bed in his shirt before his Eminence, and
taking to his heels. As all the servants who were present were privy to
the Secretary’s design, they could not avoid laughing, from which the
Cardinal soon perceived that it was only a trick upon his Chamberlain,
and had the goodness to relieve his distress by undeceiving him himself.
After which he retired.

All this was just over when I reached home, having been out on different
commissions the whole of the morning. Finding the worthy Chamberlain
very low-spirited on my return, I enquired the cause, and he related
the whole affair to me, saying he had no doubt that Nicola was at the
bottom of it. “I would willingly, my dear Guzman,” added he, “most
willingly sacrifice one of my eyes to be amply avenged on him for this
plot, and with your assistance I doubt not I may be able to return him a
‘roland for his oliver.’ A knowing shaver like you will soon devise some
good trick to play him.” “I must confess,” answered I, “that were I in
your place, the Secretary should have no occasion to go to the Pope for
absolution; I would make him do sufficient penance for his trick.
Remember, however, that he is my superior, and it is not for me to
interfere with officers who are above me. If I was excused for the trick
I played master Nicola on my own account, it was only because what I did
was to revenge myself for his former cruel conduct towards me.”

In vain did I represent to the enraged Chamberlain, that I dared not
take up his cudgels, lest I should repent it; he would admit of no
excuse. His prayers, my great friendship for him, the mortal hatred I
had for the Secretary, and above all my natural propensity to mischief,
determined me at length to espouse his cause. “Well then,” said I,
“leave it to me, I will undertake to make my talents useful to you. All
I require of you is, to behave towards the Secretary as though you had
not the most distant thought that he was the author of the late plot.”
The Chamberlain, simple as he was, played his part so well, that all the
servants thought he had forgiven all that had passed.

In the meantime I was on the alert in preparing every thing to keep my
promise. I bought some rosin, mastic, and frankincense, reduced the
whole into a powder, and mixed them well together in a paper packet
which I kept in my pocket until an opportunity presented itself of
making use of it. This offered itself very opportunely a few days after.
It was the Spanish post-day, and Mr. Secretary being very much engaged,
I went to his apartment in the morning, and entered his wardrobe where
his servant was. “James,” said I, “my dear fellow, I have a loaf and a
fine slice of fried ham below. I want but a bottle of wine to make a
good breakfast. If you can supply this, you shall share with me;
otherwise I must look for some one else.” “Mr. Guzman,” answered James,
his eyes sparkling with joy, “I am your man; I can easily get you a
bottle of the very best wine, and if you will but wait here I shall be
with you again in an instant.” Thus saying he disappeared, leaving me
master of the wardrobe. Then looking about for his master’s breeches,
for I knew the Secretary did not put them on in the morning, having
slipped on his dressing gown over his shirt that he might write more at
his ease. I perceived them on the back of a chair. I took them up and
turned them inside out, and after having strewed my powders all over the
inside of them, I replaced them exactly as I found them. James soon
returned with the wine, but scarcely had we begun breakfast when his
master called him to assist in dressing, and detained him in his room so
long that I was obliged to find another to share my bottle with me,
waiting most anxiously for the time when I should have the pleasure of
seeing my composition operate.

It had its full effect at the Cardinal’s dinner, where there were a
number of visitors that day. As we were in the middle of the dog-days,
the extreme heat of the weather was very favorable to my trick. Mr.
Nicola was in waiting in the parlour with the other officers. I soon
remarked by his distortions that he felt a great itching in a part of
his body where through respect he dared not put his hand. He knew not
how to keep his countenance, and unfortunately, the more he shrugged
himself about the more he increased the pain. As he was naturally as
hairy as a bear, the powder stuck in his hair and flesh, and twitched
him like the points of a thousand needles. This was not all, for the
Cardinal having some orders to give him, called him, and whilst in the
act of whispering to him, his Eminence was obliged to stop his nose all
at once, saying: “What on earth have you about you, that you smell so
strong of rosin and frankincense?” The Secretary coloured at these
words, and stood farther off from his master, who, perceiving that
almost all my comrades, whom the Chamberlain had let into the secret,
were whispering and laughing among themselves, began to suspect that I
had been at my tricks again. As I stood very near to him looking very
demurely all the while; “Guzman,” said he, “what is the fun now that
seems to cause so much tittering?” “I know not indeed,” answered I,
“unless it be on account of our Secretary’s having taken a laxative
draught composed of turpentine this morning.” The Cardinal laughed most
heartily, and the whole table followed his example. Nicola now began to
see through the business, and not being any longer able to endure the
jeers and laughters with which the dining parlour resounded at his
expence, took to his heels with a precipitation which redoubled the
pleasure of the company. After he had left the room, the Cardinal,
impatient to know what was really the matter, addressed himself to the
Chamberlain, who concealed nothing from him. This adventure established
my reputation in the palace as a most formidable character.

After having been banished two months from the chamber of the pages, I
was at length recalled and re-established in my former post, the duties
of which I resumed with as much effrontery as if nothing had happened.
This brought to my mind a fable which you have doubtless heard, of the
Air, the Water, and Shame, who having kept company together for some
time, and being at length obliged to part, were desirous to know where
they should see each other again. Quoth the Air, “you will always find
me on the top of mountains;” “and I, without fail,” said the Water, “may
always be found in the bowels of the earth.” “As for me,” said Shame
sighing, “if I am once parted with, it is impossible to meet with me
again.” Nothing can be more true: in my own case I felt it, for I was
now no longer susceptible of shame at the commission of a bad action;
the only shame I felt was in being detected. In short, I was so
naturally disposed to knavery, that I really believe I would have thrown
myself headlong from the top of the Castle of St. Angelo, if I saw any
thing at the bottom worth stealing.

As the good Cardinal was a great lover of sweetmeats, especially of
those that came from the Canaries in barrels, he would always send for
more when his stock was out; and when the barrels were empty they became
the property of the first servant who took possession. One fell to my
share in this manner, in which I kept my handkerchiefs, cards, dice, and
other effects of a poor page. One day a man called to inform his
Eminence that a merchant had just received twelve barrels of fruits of
this description. The Cardinal ordered them for himself. I heard this
order given, and said within myself, it shall go hard but I have one of
them. I retired to my chamber to consider how I could make myself master
of one, and resolved on this plan: I instantly emptied my barrel of my
old rags, and having filled it with earth and straw, I closed it down,
and put on the hoops again so neatly that it looked as if it had never
been opened. This done, I went down into the court-yard to wait the
arrival of those that were full of sweetmeats. I had not waited long
before I perceived them coming with the Major-domo at their head, who
ordered us to carry them immediately into the closet where his Eminence
usually kept them. Each of my comrades carried up a barrel. I took good
care to be the last with mine, having my reasons for wishing to walk
after all the rest. We were necessarily to pass by my chamber, so that
seeing myself followed by no one, I slipped in unperceived, and changing
the barrels in the twinkling of an eye, carried the one I had so well
filled with earth and straw, and laid it boldly among the rest in the
Cardinal’s closet. His Eminence was himself there to see them, and when
they were all arranged in order he turned towards me with a smile on his
countenance and said: “well, Guzman, what think you of these barrels? it
will not be so easy a matter to thrust an arm into these, or to use
wedges as with the former ones.” “If wedges will not do,” replied I,
coolly, “I may be tempted to employ my nails, for the hand sometimes
does the office of the arm.” “Ah!” replied his Eminence, “but I defy
thee to pilfer these barrels, which have no corners to be lifted up as
the chest had.” “True,” replied I, “but I beseech your Eminence not to
defy me in any thing; for the devil may in such a case furnish me with
the means of deceiving you.” “Be that as it may,” cried the Cardinal, “I
give you leave with all my heart to steal these sweetmeats if you can,
and I give you eight days to do it in. Should you be dexterous enough to
succeed, you shall not only be allowed to keep what you steal, but I
promise you as much more: on condition, however, that should your genius
be obliged to yield, you will without murmuring submit to whatever
penalty I may choose to inflict.”

“That is but just my Lord,” said I, “and I agree to the alternative.
Yes,” continued I, “if I do not perform my task in four and twenty
hours, for I ask not eight days for so trifling an affair, I will submit
to any punishment Signor Nicola may be pleased to sentence me to, who,
after the affair of the mosquitos and that of the turpentine, is not
likely, you will allow, to be too lenient a judge.” The Cardinal laughed
at these last words, and it was finally agreed that I should be punished
or rewarded on the following day.

What precautions did not his Eminence take to secure his barrels from my
clutches! besides keeping the key of the closet in his own possession,
he set some of his most confidential domestics to be most constantly on
the watch. The next day at dinner the good prelate, fancying me a little
thoughtful, said with a smile: “Guzman, I see plainly what makes you so
dull; you are reflecting on the luxury of receiving a hundred lashes
from the vigorous arm of Signor Nicola.” “Indeed my Lord” replied I,
“nothing was farther from my thoughts; for the sweetmeats are already in
my possession.”

The Cardinal, fully persuaded that no one could possibly have gained
access to his closet or touched his sweetmeats, seemed surprised at my
effrontery, and rallied me all dinner-time on the strapping that was
justly my due. I allowed him to divert himself as long as he pleased,
but when the dessert was about to be served up, I stole privately out of
the dining room up to my own chamber, and drew out of my barrel some of
the sweetmeats, with which I filled a basin I had taken off the
sideboard for that purpose, and carried them to his Eminence’s table. He
was so strangely surprised at sight of them, that he could scarcely
believe his own eyes, “Here,” said he to the chamberlain, giving him
the key of the closet, “go and count the barrels attentively; there must
be one short.” The chamberlain returned with an assurance that they were
all safe. “Ah, ah!” said the Cardinal, “I now see through your finesse,
my poor Guzman. You have purchased some of the same merchant who sold me
these fruits, and now hope to make me believe that you have stolen them;
but it will not do, Mr. Guzman; your undertaking was to open and pilfer
one of my barrels and take out some of the sweetmeats; this was our
wager as you will be pleased to recollect; you cannot, therefore, escape
the punishment.” “Come, Signor Nicola,” continued he, “seize this rash
youth, and inflict on him such chastisement as he may appear to you to
deserve.” “Softly, my Lord,” said I, at these last words; “I confess
that I amply deserve all this if the sweetmeats that I have just laid
before you are not some of those your Eminence bought yesterday; but you
must allow also that I have won if I prove the contrary, by convincing
you that I have at this moment in my own chamber one of the twelve
barrels that were yesterday brought into your palace.”

“Be cautious what you affirm, page,” interrupted the Chamberlain; “there
are twelve barrels in my master’s cabinet which I have counted over and
over again.” “That may be,” said I to the Chamberlain, “but recollect
that _the wolf often eats the counted sheep_.” The Cardinal anxious to
know the truth of the matter, hastened his dinner over, that he might
examine his closet, whither he repaired, accompanied by all the guests
that dined with him that day, who for the most part felt convinced by
the bold face I assumed, that the affair would not end to my
disadvantage.

His Eminence counted the barrels himself, and finding twelve, “Guzman,”
said he, “here are the twelve barrels that I bought.” “My Lord,”
answered I, “there are certainly twelve, but they are not all full of
sweetmeats.” The Cardinal, losing patience, wished to have them opened.
“No, no,” cried I, “I will save you that trouble.” Saying which, I
pointed out to him the barrel I had filled with earth and straw, and
while they were opening it I ran to my chamber, whence I returned with
the other, which was still half full of fruit, and related in what
manner I had gained possession of it.

All the company present applauded me for my dexterity, and laughed most
heartily at the adventure. His Eminence, agreeably to promise presented
me with a second barrel, which I resigned to my comrades, to shew that
what I had done was but to amuse my worthy master. Diverted, however, as
he was by my slights of hand, he would undoubtedly have dismissed me his
service for example’s sake, had he not apprehended that if he abandoned
me I might have been driven to the commission of some more desperate
act which would end in my utter destruction. Thus this good prelate,
compassionating my youth, retained me in his family in spite of all my
faults, that I might not be compelled to commit greater crimes
elsewhere.




CHAP. XXVII.

_Guzman continues playing his tricks at the Cardinal’s, who at length
dismisses him._


The Cardinal was certainly the best master in the world. What infinite
pains he took to make me an honest man! He would neither employ threats
with me, nor order me to be beaten, lest I should be terrified, and run
away from him; the mildness of his character prevented him from
resorting to such means. He endeavoured to inspire me with a love of
virtue by gentle remonstrances, and even by gifts. When I did any thing
praise-worthy, which indeed happened very seldom, he never failed to
reward me well for it. When he was at table, and thought I had a longing
for any little tit-bit, he would give it me, and this condescension was
generally accompanied by a little good-natured bantering. “Guzman,” said
he, one day, giving me with his own hand a piece of tart: “receive this
from me as a tribute, which I pay to preserve peace between us. The fate
of Master Nicola makes me quake for the safety of my sweetmeats.”

It was thus that he condescended to familiarize himself with his
servants; who, delighted with so kind a master, would almost have
sacrificed their lives for his sake. If servants generally dislike
those masters who treat them harshly, on the other hand, those masters,
who are kind to their servants, are always sincerely beloved.

A short time after the barrel adventure, a large chest of sweetmeats,
finely gilded, and curiously arranged in boxes, was sent to his Eminence
from Genoa. His Lordship was more than usually pleased with them, as
they came from a very dear relation, who made him a similar present
every year. The sweetmeats were exquisitely good, but being put into
boxes which were rather damp, it was necessary to place them in the sun,
to take off the moisture which the boxes had communicated to them.

The Cardinal seemed at a loss to know where they should be put to be
safe from my pilfering hands. Each of the servants gave his opinion, but
there was not one amongst them bold enough to take charge of, and to
answer for them. “Well, well,” said his Eminence, seeing me come in,
(for I had been out of the palace while this consultation was going on,)
here is Guzman, who will extricate us from this difficulty; my friend,”
continued he, “we are at a loss for a proper place to dry these
sweetmeats in; for I am excessively afraid of the rats!” “My Lord,”
answered I, “nothing in the world can be easier than to hinder the rats
from touching them: you have only to give them up to me and my
companions.” “Very true,” replied the prelate smiling; “but though this
may be a very certain method to keep them from the rats, I intend to try
another, and am resolved to give them into your keeping. Take care to
expose them to the sun every day; and see that you give a good account
of them; you see what state they are in. You must watch without ceasing
for their safety, and return them exactly as they are delivered to you,
under pain of forfeiting my favor.” “Ah, my Lord!” cried I at these
words, “you know not to what trial you expose the frail Guzman; I can
guard well enough against the rats, and against the most cunning of my
companions; but I cannot indeed guard against myself. I am, alas! an
unhappy son of Eve, and if I find myself in a paradise of sweetmeats,
ten to one but some unlucky serpent may tempt me. But yet, if your
Excellency says to me, Guzman, I am content that you should eat my
sweetmeats, provided, on opening the box, that it no where appears that
they have been meddled with;--on this condition, I will take them under
my care, and we shall both be satisfied.” “I consent to it,” answered
the Cardinal; “you are dexterous enough for that, I will forgive you;
but be assured, that if the theft can be perceived, you shall be
chastised.” I undertook the commission on these terms. I opened and
spread out the boxes one after another in a gallery that was exposed to
the sun; and the beauty of these sweetmeats made a suitable impression
on such a liquorish young rogue as I was. Nevertheless, whatever longing
I had to taste them, I waited until they were a little drier: which
being the case a few days afterwards, I thought of nothing but how I
should manage to pilfer part of this fine fruit with impunity: and thus
Mr. Enterprise went about it. I first shut up the boxes, which I then
turned gently upside down; and then having drawn out with the point of a
knife the nails which fastened the bottom of them, I took some
sweetmeats from four boxes only. I then carefully filled up with paper
the empty spaces, and restored the boxes to their original state. One
evening as the prelate was taking his afternoon’s repast, for it was a
fast day, I told him that I thought the sweetmeats were dry enough to be
put away. “I need not ask,” answered he with a smile, “if you have
eaten a good part of them.” “At least my Lord,” said I, “it does not
appear so, if you look at them.” “We shall see,” said he, “let some of
the boxes be brought here directly.” I took three of my companions into
my room, where they were, and gave each of them one to carry, taking a
fourth myself. These four boxes were those which had passed through my
hands. I presented them to his Excellence, and asked him if he did not
think that they appeared to be well preserved. He inspected them very
narrowly, and seeing nothing to cause any suspicion, he said to me, “I
shall be perfectly satisfied if all the others have been as well
preserved as these: His curiosity was satisfied; he looked at those
boxes which I had not touched, and after a long inspection, he
confessed, “that if I had stolen any of the sweetmeats, it certainly was
no where apparent.” Upon this I ran to my room, and placing the
sweetmeats, which I had stolen, into a dish, I returned to shew them to
the prelate, assuring him at the same time, “that I had not tasted his
fruit, whatever longing I had for them, as he might easily ascertain.” I
leave it to you to imagine the surprise of the Cardinal, and of all his
domestics, who looking upon me as little less than a juggler, were more
than ever on their guard against me.

We were made to study four hours a day: we were taught Latin, and even
Greek; and we employed the rest of our time in reading amusing books,
and in the instructions of the music and dancing master. Gaming,
however, was still my favorite amusement; but we served a master whose
character obliged us to be very cautious how we conducted these affairs;
if he had had the least hint of such a thing, he would most likely have
made a clear house of us all.

It was in this manner, that I spent my youth in the service of the
Cardinal where it may be said truly, that I led a very agreeable life.
Nevertheless, far from being happy, I imagined myself in cruel slavery.
I was even foolish enough to regret twenty times having quitted the
society of the beggars: I had also another cause for being tired of my
situation as page: the beard on my chin convinced me that I was no
longer a child, and I burned with desire to wear a sword.

It is time, said I, that I should begin to think of making my fortune;
but far from thinking that I was in the best house possible to forward
this design, and from following a line of conduct suitable to that idea,
I devoted myself so incessantly to the gaming table that I neglected my
duty. Not finding any one at home who would play deep enough for me, I
contracted the habit of going into the city to seek for players, men to
my taste, and did not return during the whole day. At length I carried
this eagerness for play to such lengths, that his lordship hardly ever
seeing me, insisted on being informed the reason of my being always
abroad; and my companions were obliged to communicate it to him. He was
truly displeased at it. He spared nothing to cure me of this pernicious
habit; to accomplish which, he employed remonstrances, promises, and
even prayers, but unfortunately all his pains were bestowed to no
purpose.

One day, when he was discoursing about me to the principal officers of
his household, he said to them: “since all the means which I have made
use of to recal him to a sense of his duty have been hitherto useless, I
will try another method that has just occurred to me. The next fault
that he commits, he shall be sent from my palace, in order that we may
see if this punishment will make any more impression on him, than all
the lectures I have given him. I do not mean by that,” continued he,
“to abandon him to want: his usual allowance shall be given him every
day, and I will take care that he shall be informed, that I shall always
be ready to take him into my service again, when he has changed his
course of life.” O excellent prelate, whose extraordinary virtue is
worthy of eternal praise!

It was not long before I furnished his excellency with an opportunity to
make trial of the new method he had thought of to correct me. Two or
three days after, I lost at play the whole of my clothes, not excepting
my livery coat, so that I had nothing remaining to cover me, except my
breeches and doublet, for which I could get no one to play. I returned
to the palace in this condition, and shut myself up in my chamber. My
master seeing such an instance of disorderly conduct, executed his
design. He ordered the major-domo to replace the clothes I had lost, and
then to dismiss me. The major-domo obeyed, and sending me away, told me
that his Eminence loved me still in spite of my faults; and that he had
given orders that I should have my meals at the palace as usual, and
that he would receive me again among his domestics, when he was
persuaded that I sincerely repented of my past course of life. Far from
feeling grateful for this kindness of the holy prelate, I was so proud,
or rather so foolish, as to spurn at it: and I went out of his house
grumbling as if I had had great cause of complaint, and vowing that I
would never enter his doors again. I thought indeed that he was very
wrong to use me thus; and determined to revenge myself upon him by
_ruining myself_.




CHAP. XXVIII.

_Guzman enters into the service of the Spanish Ambassador._


My ridiculous pride long prevented me from perceiving the extreme folly
of my behaviour. At first I amused myself by strolling about the streets
of Rome and eating at the houses of my acquaintance, but I found that my
civil reception among them did not last long; scanty fare and gloomy
looks saluted me every where, and I was soon at a loss for a dinner.
This verifies the Spanish proverb: _Live a week with your uncle or
cousin, a month with your brother, a year with your friend; but in the
house of your father you may live for life_.

I soon perceived that spunging was a villainous trade, and began to
regret that I was self-exiled from the table of the cardinal’s pages;
but the fault was then irreparable, since at that time his Eminence fell
sick and died. He left to all his servants, by his will, money enough to
support them comfortably for the remainder of their lives. This
circumstance drove me to despair, as I could not forgive myself for
having, by my deplorable folly, excluded myself from the provision which
would otherwise have been made for me. I saw no other resource, but to
offer my services to the Spanish Ambassador, who had been one of the
most intimate friends of my deceased master, and knew me very well. He
had also in more than one instance given me tokens of his good will.

I had no sooner expressed my desire of entering into his service, than
he testified the utmost willingness to receive me. He had often
condescended to honor with a smile the jests and stories he had heard
from me at the palace of the cardinal. He considered me as a dexterous
young fellow, and very well adapted for his buffoon and pimp. This last
honorable employment was what he chiefly designed for me, as you will
soon perceive. But first I must depict the character of this minister.

He was chosen to conduct an embassy to Rome, at a very critical period;
this situation required a penetrating genius, and a man of great
address. His excellency perfectly justified the confidence which the
king reposed in him. But he had a foible, a little too common amongst
men of rank,--that of being too much addicted to women. But for this
circumstance, he would have been more esteemed than any other Ambassador
at that court. Having, then, judged me worthy to have the management of
his intrigues, he began to inform me of his virtuous intentions. Then,
that I might give him a specimen of my abilities, he employed me in
some trifling messages of gallantry, in which I had the good fortune to
acquit myself to his entire satisfaction. This coup d’essai was followed
by two or three commissions of the same nature, though of somewhat more
difficulty, which were conducted with equal success. Nothing more was
necessary to establish me perfectly in his good graces, and he conceived
such a friendship for me that I soon became his favorite page. From this
moment Signor Guzman was all in all in his master’s house. I did as I
pleased, and every thing that I did was well done. The other domestics
did not see my growing greatness without envy, especially those of
longest standing; some called me my master’s buffoon, and some his pimp
in ordinary. Nevertheless I did not presume upon the favor of the
Ambassador, and was so far from doing these spiteful gentry any ill
offices with his excellency, that I gladly seized every opportunity of
serving them, in consequence of which they forbore to shew me any
particular mark of their ill will, and we lived together on pretty
tolerable terms.

While I was with the Ambassador, I did not disgrace the reputation I had
acquired on account of my frolics at the palace of the Cardinal, and I
was not very sparing of my tricks, as there could not be any place in
the world that could open a wider field for them than the house of my
new master. Parasites often came in at dinner time. My fellow pages and
I were not at a loss to distinguish them from respectable people whom my
master was really happy to see at his table. We took care to be very
attentive to the latter, but as for the spungers who were most of them
mere adventurers, they had but scurvy commons, which diverted the
Ambassador exceedingly. One was suffered to ask in vain for drink during
the whole meal; it was of no use to make signs, we pretended not to
understand them. Another had his glass handed to him half full, and the
glass shaped in such a fashion, that half the liquor would remain in the
glass; which only tantalized his thirst. Another was served with water
prepared of a red colour.--If a dainty morsel was carved for any one of
these gentry, we changed his plate so quickly that the poor devil had
scarcely time to taste it. In a word, we did every thing in our power to
drive them all from his Excellency’s table, and were sometimes lucky
enough to succeed.

Among the adventurers who were drawn together by the savory fumes which
proceeded from our kitchen, there was a foreigner who surpassed all the
others in impudence. He affirmed himself to be a relation of the
Ambassador, though his manners were as opposite as possible to those of
a man of quality. His brazen impudence was his only introduction, and in
spite of the frozen reception he met with from his Excellency, he
assiduously pestered him with his company at dinner. He did nothing but
boast of himself and of his country:--the politeness of his
countrymen,--their civilities to strangers, and their honesty, were
topics of which he was never tired. As for the women, the wives were all
Lucretias and the daughters Vestal Virgins. I should never have done if
I were to repeat all the praises which he heaped upon the people of his
own country: at last he wearied all the company with his foolish
discourse, but especially my master, who being quite out of patience,
said to me one day in Castilian, which this blade did not understand;
“You know not, Guzman, how weary I am of this fellow’s rhodomontade.”

It may be supposed that this hint was not lost upon a page who was
neither deaf nor a fool. I understood well enough that this troublesome
personage must absolutely be got rid of. To accomplish this end, I
posted myself behind his chair at dinner, and whenever he asked for
drink, which happened almost every minute, I took a very large glass
which I filled to the brim with so strong a sort of wine that it could
not fail to intoxicate him speedily; when I saw that this was effected,
I tied one of his legs to his own chair with a piece of silk twist,
without any of the guests perceiving what I did. When dinner was ended,
the Ambassador rose, and the company followed his example, but when my
gentleman would have done the same, he and the chair had such a heavy
fall together, that I am much mistaken if his nose and jaws did not rue
the circumstance for a long time afterwards. I pretended to help him up
and gently untied the string. Nevertheless, in spite of all the wine
that he had drank, he perceived that every body laughed at his expense,
and suspecting the cause of his disaster, he went away in a rage and
never came again: which pleased his Excellency beyond measure, that he
had so easily got rid of such a troublesome guest.

Having thus driven this spunger from the field, my companions and I next
undertook the discomfiture of the others, but we found some who were not
to be so easily disposed of. Amongst others, there was a Spanish bully,
who called himself a gentleman of Cordova. He came one day about dinner
time, and saluted his Excellency the Ambassador very ceremoniously,
informing him that he was in pecuniary distress, and that his pressing
necessity obliged him to disclose his situation.

My master, who easily understood the drift of all this harangue, took
out a purse of pistoles, which he gave him unopened, and bowing
politely, turned away from him; but the Cordovan, far from retiring upon
this hint, followed him closely, and began talking of the dangers he had
gone through, and at last had the effrontery to take a seat next to his
Excellency at the table. “I hope,” said he, “your Excellency will not
be offended at the liberty I am taking, but even if I was not a
gentleman of family, my having served in his Majesty’s army, is
sufficient to entitle me to the honor of eating with Princes. Besides,”
added he, “the table of a Nobleman of your reputation, should always be
open to Officers whose services have not met with a merited recompense.”

After this fine speech, he fell to on the dish nearest him, with the
greatest avidity. He ate like a half starved glutton as he was. Then
looking at me, who was nearest to him, he beckoned to me five or six
times to bring him some wine; but unluckily for my gentleman, instead of
paying any attention to his signs, I pretended that I did not observe
them.

If he thought at first this neglect arose from carelessness or
stupidity, he was soon undeceived, and perceived my roguish malice
plain enough. “Page,” said he to me, in a loud voice, “have you been
ordered to let me die with thirst?” Upon this, my master, who had no
small inclination to laugh at this scene, nodded to me to serve this
adventurer; but I took good care to give him one of the smallest
glasses, and was even spiteful enough to hand it him half empty.

Just as this happened, and when I was carrying back the salver to the
sideboard, there entered two other parasites whom I knew, by having
frequently seen them at the Ambassador’s table. Not being able to find
any vacant seats, they began to examine the guests, and particularly the
pretended noble of Cordova, and as they seemed to me to regard him with
an air of contempt, my curiosity was excited. I approached the new
comers, and asked them if the gentleman whom they examined so
attentively, was one of their acquaintance.

“Gentleman indeed!” cried one of the two; “surely you are jesting, my
friend; learn that this fellow who is now filling at that table the seat
which is only for respectable men, and whom you think to be of noble
blood, is the son of a man who has often made boots for me, and who
keeps a shop near the cathedral church of Cordova.” “If he comes in my
way,” said the other, “I shall tell him something more than he will like
to hear.” Speaking thus, these braggadocios looked very big, twisted
their mustachios, and retreated together into the court yard to consider
what steps they should next take.

When they had been there a short time, I went out and joined them:
“Gentlemen,” said I, “this man whom you despise so much, affirms that
you are a couple of despicable fellows, and says he is surprised at your
impudence in daring to intrude yourselves here. If you will wait till he
has dined, he will come and tell you more himself.” “Let him come; let
him come;” cried they both together: “we will let him know whom he has
to deal with.” Having thus enraged them against the Officer of Cordova,
I returned to the latter, and in a whisper loud enough to be heard by
the whole company, informed him that there were two gentlemen below, who
wanted a moment’s conversation with him. “Let them have patience,”
answered he; “I shall not quit his Excellency while he is at table.”
“They affirm,” added I, “that you have announced yourself falsely as a
cavalier of noble birth, and that you are but the son of a cobbler.”
“Heaven and earth,” cried he, with a furious aspect, “can there be any
one so tired of his life as to dare to talk in this manner of a man like
me? where are these scoundrels?” continued he, rising from table, “where
are they? their ears at least shall pay for their temerity.” “You have
but to follow me,” said I, “and I will bring you to them instantly.” At
these words I took him by the arm, and led him out of the room, though
he seemed to have but little desire to quit it.

Immediately the Ambassador and the company hastened to the windows which
looked into the court yard, to see the termination of the quarrel which
I had contrived to stir up between these three bullies. “Gentlemen,”
said I to the two who were walking the court, “here is the person whose
father, if you are to be believed, is a Cordovan shoemaker.” “Let him
thank his stars,” cried they, “that our hands are tied by the respect we
owe to this palace, which we consider as belonging to the King of
Spain.” Seeing the officer in such a panic that he could not utter a
single syllable, I took up his cause. “Gentlemen,” said I, “this
cavalier will go out directly if you wish it, and is ready to terminate
his dispute with you in the street.” “No, no,” answered they, retreating
with the utmost precipitation, “we shall take another opportunity to
meet him.” Their retreat brought back the courage of our gallant, who
pretended to treat them as cowards. He himself, therefore, went out a
moment after them, but took care to choose a different road. The
Ambassador and his guests were infinitely diverted with this ridiculous
adventure, and a thousand witty things were said at their return to
table, at the expense of our three adventurers. After dinner every one
retired, whilst his Excellency withdrew to his chamber to enjoy his
afternoon’s nap.




CHAP. XXIX.

_Of the Trick that Guzman played upon a Captain and a Lawyer, who came
to dine at the Ambassador’s without having been invited._


Nothing afforded my master more pleasure than seeing his genteel
acquaintance at his table; and he was often willing even to tolerate
parasites, provided their wit compensated for their entertainment; but
he was always much vexed at the appearance of the latter, when it so
happened that he had a select party to dine with him. This being the
case, you may well conceive that it was not without considerable pain
that he saw two of these hangers-on enter his room one day, when he
expected the French Ambassador and other persons of distinction to dine
with him. One of these was a Captain, and the other a Lawyer, neither of
whom wanted merit in his own line, but as they could talk on no other
subject but their respective professions, they had become quite a
nuisance in the house.

The Ambassador could not help bowing as he saw them enter, of which,
however, they took not the slightest notice; and so far from taking
their leave after this cold reception, they seemed determined to stay,
and joined the rest of the company accordingly. My master looked at me,
and I understood in an instant that it would not displease him if I
could in any way divert the company at the expense of these gentlemen.
Thus then I set about it.

You must be informed, in the first place, that the Lawyer, who was a
grave, formal man, had a pair of huge whiskers, of which he took such
particular care, that he scarcely dared even to smile for fear of
discomposing them. I observed that he often took a sly peep at them with
great delight, in a little mirror which he drew out of his pocket with
his handkerchief, pretending all the while to be blowing his nose.
Having taken particular notice of this manœuvre of his, I waited
patiently until the dessert was placed on the table, when the
conversation becoming lively, I soon had an opportunity of putting my
plan in execution. I then went up to the Captain and whispered something
to him which made him laugh. He answered me in the same tone, and so I
continued laughing and whispering with him for a considerable time,
always taking pains to look at the Lawyer, to make him think that we
were talking of him. At length, when I thought it was time, I assumed a
more serious air, and said aloud, as if still continuing the
conversation, “No, no, Captain, I am your most humble servant, but I
protest I can take no part in this joke, the respect that I owe my
master, and his friend the Lawyer, will not permit me to take such a
liberty.”

“What’s the matter, Guzman?” said my master, hearing this. “Truly, sir,”
answered I, “the Captain can tell you better than I. He has been
cracking jokes upon the Lawyer’s whiskers for some time past, and now
wishes me to amuse the company with them.” “Come, come, Guzman,” said
the French Ambassador, “let us know the whole of it.” “Since my master
and you command it,” said I, “it is my duty to tell you. The Captain has
been informing me that Mr. Lawyer keeps a wench to comb and dye his
whiskers every morning, that they may not turn grey, and always sleeps
on his back for fear of rumpling them. In short he has been amusing me
on this subject for this quarter of an hour, trying to persuade me to
repeat the jokes as though they were of my own invention; but it is not
for a boy like me to rally so venerable a personage in this manner.”

The Captain, instead of denying what I asserted, laughed heartily, and
all the company followed his example, without knowing whether I spoke
truth or falsehood. The Lawyer hesitated for some moments how to take
the joke; but not being able any longer to withstand the noble Captain’s
immoderate laughter, “Rascal,” said he, in a rage, “you have good cause,
truly, to rally me upon my age, you who boast of your services under
Charles V. whom you never saw but in a picture! But I degrade myself by
putting myself in comparison with a man of your stamp.” “Very fine, Mr.
Lawyer,” interrupted the Captain, growing warm, “you forget the company
we are in. Were I not more reasonable than you,”----“More reasonable!”
cried the Lawyer in his turn, “why there is not a greater fool on the
face of the earth.” The Captain had now entirely lost all temper, and
would doubtless have answered his friend the Lawyer by throwing one of
the plates at his head, had not the company interfered, and appeased
them both. Neither of them, however, ventured to come to the house
again; and thus I freed my master of two other most troublesome guests.




CHAP. XXX.

_The Ambassador falls in love with a Roman Lady; Guzman undertakes to
assist him in his amour; his success._


I have already informed you, gentle reader, that the only blemish in the
character of the Ambassador was his libertine principles respecting the
fair sex. He had seen, though by what accident I never knew, the wife
of a Roman knight, and speedily became violently enamoured of her. He
had already put an old beldame on the scent, who was trained to the
seduction of young women, but, however dextrous his agent might be, all
her pains and exertions had hitherto proved useless, and my master was
driven to despair. At last he opened his mind to me, and expressed the
more surprise at Fabia’s withstanding his advances, as this lady, in the
flower of her youth, was united to a husband who had all the
disagreeable infirmities of old age. The design of this confidence was
to engage me to assist him in this intrigue; which he had but little
difficulty to accomplish. I undertook this honorable employment which my
master conferred upon me, and on my informing him that I was
particularly intimate with the waiting-maid of that lady, he conceived
the most flattering hopes. He could not contain his joy on learning
this circumstance; but embraced me, and said, that having her attendant
and myself in his interest, he did not doubt that with our assistance he
should, sooner or later, obtain the object of his desires. In the next
conversation that I had with Nicoleta (which was the name of the lady’s
maid) I contrived to engage her in my master’s favor. She spared no
pains to ingratiate him with her mistress, by taking every opportunity
of praising him, and of saying something in disparagement of the old
husband. Nevertheless, after losing a great deal of time in attacking
Fabia’s virtue by every sort of discourse the most likely to stagger it,
she began to despair of success, when one morning that lady, putting on
of a sudden a smiling air, said to her, “My dear Nicoleta, I will unfold
to you the inmost recesses of my soul; I can no longer dissemble with
you, so wholly devoted as you are to all my wishes. Learn then that I
think the Spanish Ambassador every way worthy of the love of a woman of
quality. I can no longer continue to treat him so harshly. But you know
my character; you know that I am a slave to reputation. Find out some
method to compromise my inclination for him with my delicacy, and if you
can discover one that proves satisfactory, I shall no longer make any
scruple of returning the passion of this amiable Nobleman. I allow you
to divulge every thing to Guzman, and even wish that he may, if
possible, be introduced to me to-night. You can bring him into the house
secretly, and I shall be able to converse with him without discovery.”
Nicoleta, who was transported with joy to see her mistress so favorably
inclined towards my master, embraced her knees, kissed her hands, and
acted a thousand fooleries before her, which testified her rapture.
Then, in the hope of strengthening her resolution, she began to boast
of the good qualities of the Ambassador; and concluded by assuring her
that the intrigue should be conducted in so prudent a manner that no one
living should have the slightest suspicion of it. Satisfied with these
assurances, Fabia told her that she would leave every thing to her zeal
and discretion.

Upon this, Nicoleta came to seek for me, and, as if the excess of her
joy had almost deprived her of her senses, she threw her arms round my
neck, crying out, “My dear friend, you will be transported at the
agreeable news I bring you: my mistress resists no longer, but is
willing to make your master the happiest of men.” I was so delighted at
hearing these words, which I little expected, that I took Nicoleta by
the hand, and led her like a triumphant general into my master’s closet,
where we began to congratulate ourselves on the change that we had
wrought in Fabia. His Excellency presented a purse of Spanish pistoles
to the waiting-woman, who received them with a very good grace, after a
little ceremonious reluctance, as is usual upon such occasions.

This officious agent at length retired, after she had carefully
instructed me concerning the place where I was to meet her that night,
and the hour of rendezvous when I was to be introduced to Fabia; and my
master and I were left alone. We passed the whole afternoon in
conversation on this intrigue, he relating to me how he first obtained a
sight of the lady, and I congratulating him on his having made so
agreeable an acquaintance.

At the appointed hour I hastened to the rendezvous, at the place fixed
upon by Nicoleta, who came at last to inform me that her mistress could
not see me that night, and this disappointment happened for three or
four nights following. My patron and I did not augur very favorably from
this beginning; nevertheless we did not totally despair; and, at last,
one night the confidante informed me, through a small window on the
ground-floor, that in a few minutes she could introduce me to her
mistress.

You must know that the passage in which I stood was extremely muddy, and
it poured with rain so as to wet me to the skin. I bore all this for two
hours with a patience which nothing but my extreme zeal and attachment
for my master could have inspired. At length I heard Nicoleta call me. I
obeyed her summons instantly, and was led by her through a little door,
which was shut to again as softly as it was opened. “Guzman,” said she,
“I will just run and let Fabia know that you are here, and she will be
with you in an instant.” The voice of my charmer soon made me forget my
late wetting, and I thought of nothing but the happy moment in which I
should behold the lady who had so captivated my master, and the extreme
joy with which I should acquaint him that I had been so happy as to
obtain an interview. It was not long before Fabia really came with her
maid. “Nicoleta,” said she, “while I am conversing with Signor Guzman,
do you watch my husband’s chamber, and should he perchance ask for me,
lose no time in letting me know.”

It is impossible for me to tell you whether Fabia was in reality
beautiful or ugly, for she had thought proper to receive me in the dark,
so that I could not even see her face. In a low voice she began by
inquiring anxiously after my health. I followed her example, and added
the finest compliment I could think of in behalf of my master, whom I
represented as dying for love of her; notwithstanding which, it appeared
to me that she paid but little attention to what I was saying, for she
constantly interrupted me in the most pathetic parts of my speech. At
length she said, “Signor Guzman, I trust you will excuse me if I do not
listen to you in the manner you deserve; but I am extremely alarmed lest
some of my husband’s spies should overhear our conversation. Walk on a
little way,” continued she, “and you will enter a parlour, where I
entreat you will wait for me; meantime, I will just see that all is
right in the house, and shall soon be with you again. Be sure you make
no noise.”

I was weak enough to believe what she said, and groped my way forward,
as if I had been playing at blindman’s buff. But instead of reaching a
parlour, I found myself in a back yard, the pavement of which was so
dirty and slippery, that after a few steps I rolled into a heap of mud,
and, in rising again, struck my head with such violence against a wall
hard by, that I lay for some time without sense or motion. Having,
however, somewhat recovered of this shock, I groped very carefully along
the wall in search of the parlour I had been directed to, and at last
entered at a little door which I found open, confident that I must then
be right. Again I was mistaken, and had the consolation to find myself
in a narrow passage, which was not six feet in length, on each side of
which were two drains from the house-top, and as it still continued
pouring with rain, they had so inundated this spot, that I found myself
on a sudden up to my knees in water. I ran back instantly, in the hope
of retreating as I had entered, but the door was no longer open. Either
the wind had blown it to, or some one, who had followed me close behind
all the while, which indeed is more probable, had served me this trick.
Be that as it may, I found myself obliged to make up my mind to pass the
night in this swamp, where, as soon as I ran from one drain which was
pouring upon my head, I found myself saluted by the other. “Out of the
frying-pan into the fire,” muttered I to myself. “Oh, night, almost as
dreadful as that in which I was confined under a tub, or tossed by
devils in a blanket!”

Disagreeable, however, as my present reflections were, they were nothing
in comparison with those with which I awaited the morning. “Wretched
Guzman,” said I, “thou art at last then fairly entrapped! Fabia’s
husband will doubtless inquire your business here the first thing in the
morning. And what answer can you make? If you should tell the truth, for
the first time in your life, you will make your master and yourself the
common talk of Rome. What answer can you make then, but that Nicoleta
had invited you, and that you were under a promise to marry her? And
even should they oblige you to keep your word, this misfortune would be
preferable to having all your bones broken to make you confess the
truth. But who knows that they will even ask me a single question?
Perhaps murder and bury me on the spot. Nothing can be too bad to fear
from a jealous Italian husband.”

With these frightful thoughts was I haunted until break of day, when I
fancied, all of a sudden, that I heard the yard-door being softly
opened, and I flattered myself, at first, that it must be either the
waiting-woman or her mistress come out of compassion to deliver me from
my confinement; but nothing was less in their thoughts. The door,
however, was certainly open, though I could see nobody who could
possibly have opened it. I soon found myself again in the yard which I
had passed through overnight, and having pushed open another door which
was only on the latch, I reached the spot where the confidante had
conversed with me, and looking up at the window through which she had
spoken to me, I thanked Heaven that I had escaped so easily. I returned
quickly to my master’s house, and threw myself upon my bed, wrapped up
warmly in the bed-clothes, not without serious apprehensions of a most
violent cold.




CHAP. XXXI.

_Guzman’s adventure with a large Hog, and its consequences._


My mind being too much agitated to allow me to sleep, I could not close
my eyes; all my thoughts were engrossed by the adventure which had just
happened to me. I attributed every thing to the vengeance of Fabia, whom
I concluded to be a miracle of chastity, and judged that in order to
undeceive the Ambassador, she had given his envoy this gallant
reception. But I knew that this affair would raise a laugh with every
body at my expense, and this vexed me more than all the rest. I was also
at a loss to know in what way I should inform my master of the story,
which sooner or later I was sure must come to his knowledge.

When the warmth of the bed had again put my half stagnated blood into
circulation, I put on another suit of clothes in the place of that which
the rain had honored with so fine a trimming, and presented myself
before the Ambassador as though nothing had happened. I waited until he
should question me, as he always did after he had finished dinner. He
called me into his closet, when he said to me: “What is the reason
Guzman of my not having seen you this morning? I expected you to give me
an account of what took place last night at Fabia’s house. I am afraid
you have but indifferent news to tell me.” “It is true, my lord,”
answered I, “that my news is not the best in the world. I know not what
to think of Fabia. I passed the whole of the night in the street,
without hearing from or seeing either the lady or the maid. Would to
heaven that you had never undertaken this affair!” “How comes it
Guzman,” replied he, “that you are so soon discouraged? some
unseasonable mischance perhaps has prevented Fabia from seeing you as
she designed, and of which the maid might have been unable to inform
you. Do not be disheartened, however, but return to-night to the same
place where you waited for Nicoleta before.” I promised my master
faithfully to obey his commands. A groom met me as I came out of his
Excellency’s closet, and brought me a letter from a lady, he said, who
had desired him to deliver it to me. ’Twas from the waiting maid. She
was very much surprised, she informed me, that I had not seen her yet to
communicate what passed last night between her mistress and myself;
however, that I might make amends for my fault, I had only to repair
towards evening to the lane behind Fabia’s house, where we could enjoy a
private conversation through the well known little window. My hopes were
raised on the perusal of this billet. At six in the evening I took care
to be in the lane, which as I have already remarked was extremely
narrow, and filled every where with mud up to one’s ancles. My dulcinea
was waiting for me at the window, and at first began to reproach me
sharply; but her tone was soon changed on my making an exact recital of
what I had suffered, and she began to condole with me on my accident.
The trick her mistress had put upon me seemed to excite in her the
utmost surprise, and in spite of my prejudice against her, she almost
persuaded me that she had no share in it. During this conversation, in
order to shew my politeness and get nearer the window, I had raised
myself up by standing on two stones, which exposed me to a new
misfortune which my kickless fate inflicted upon me, as will appear in
the sequel. While I was engrossed by the conversation, and thinking of
nothing less than of the accident that was about to befal me, a cursed
hog, of monstrous size, and covered with filth, rushed out of his sty,
and ran between my legs, in so furious a manner, that he fairly carried
me off on his back.

You may easily imagine the fine entertainment it afforded the
spectators, who were but too numerous, as that part is generally filled
with people, to see a man of my figure and dress gallop at full speed
out of such a filthy place, mounted on an immense hog, grunting in the
most horrid manner imaginable, covered with mud from head to foot, and
clinging most lovingly to his neck, for fear I should break an arm or a
leg against the wall, my hat and fine plume of feathers the devil knew
where, as they had fallen off into the mud; all this I say, presented
the passengers with a scene so comical, that they laughed, shouted, and
made so much noise, that my accursed Bucephalus became more furious than
ever. At last, not relishing the ardour with which I embraced him, he
gave so violent a plunge, that he quickly got rid of his troublesome
rider, for whom he took care to choose a soft bed after so fatiguing an
exercise, as he deposited me in the very muddiest place possible: just
at the entrance of the Square Navonne. Heavens! what a hue and cry was
raised after me; an infinite number of all sorts of people surrounded
me, and insulted my misfortune by a thousand scurvy witticisms, which I
suffered in silence; overcome by shame and confusion, I thought of
nothing but escaping into some house, and at last took shelter in one
which seemed likely to afford me an asylum. I ran in, and slammed the
door in the face of the scoundrels who hunted me so unmercifully. They
did nothing but cry to the people of the house to turn me out again; and
any one, to see their fury in persecuting me, would have concluded that
I had committed some enormous crime which had brought on me this
exemplary punishment. To crown my misfortune, the master of the house in
which I had taken refuge, did not seem much inclined to take my part
against the insolent rabble. As he was a jealous old fellow, and took
every shadow for a gallant, he took it into his wise head to fancy that
the lamentable pickle in which I entered his house was nothing but a
trick I had made use of to cover the delivering of some amorous message.
Filled with this preposterous idea, he attacked me with the most
vehement language, and, seconded by his domestics, who followed his
example, he kicked me out of his house, after their fists had bestowed
on me a very sound drubbing. Behold me then a second time delivered
into the power of these merciless jesters, who running after me as fast
as I ran from them, renewed their jokes and insults. I had invoked every
Saint in the Calendar, when Heaven taking pity upon me, sent to my
assistance a young Spaniard, who kindly offered me his services, and
those of three or four Italians who accompanied him. With their
assistance (of which Heaven knows I stood in need), I escaped from my
persecutors, while the Spaniard and his companions making use of the
flat side of their swords, soon put them to flight. I made all the speed
possible towards our Hotel, caring little for the snarling dogs that
snapped at my heels in every street I ran through. At last I was lucky
enough to reach home safe and sound, excepting a few bruises. I was even
so fortunate as to reach my chamber door without meeting with a soul;
but in vain did I search my pockets over and over again,--no key could I
find, and I concluded that as I drew out my handkerchief to wipe my
face, I had let it fall in the house where I had so unluckily taken
refuge. “Ah! miserable wretch,” cried I to myself, “to what purpose have
you extricated yourself from this embarrassment, if you cannot conceal
it from the servants of the Ambassador? if any one should perceive you
in your present pickle, he will inform the others, and you will become
the jest of the house for months to come.” At last, after a long
deliberation, I resolved to implore the assistance of one of my
comrades, whose room was next to mine, and who had professed a great
deal of good-will towards me. I went and rapped at the door of his room.
He opened it, but seeing me so finely decorated, could not refrain from
a roar of laughter, which burst from him in spite of his teeth. I was
compelled to bear it all with patience. “My good friend,” said I, “when
you have indulged your mirth sufficiently, I will request that you will
do me the favor to go and fetch a locksmith to open my chamber door.” “I
will go directly,” answered he, “but first do gratify my curiosity; tell
me how this accident happened to you, I promise you never to reveal it
to any living soul.” To get rid of so inquisitive a man, I invented and
told him a story, in which there was not one word of truth: and as soon
as I had finished, begged of him to go for the smith. It was with the
utmost unwillingness that he left me in his chamber, he was so
apprehensive that I should soil his furniture, that tired as I was, he
obliged me to promise, in the most solemn manner, that I would not
approach it, but that I would stand up at a distance until his return.
Fortunately for me he returned in a very short time with a locksmith,
who opened my door in a twinkling, and I made all the haste possible to
change my clothes and linen, and thoroughly wash my face and hands of
the filth that covered them.

I had scarcely got rid of my muddy decoration, when I was informed that
the Ambassador wanted to speak to me. He had already heard the
catastrophe of the hog. In the houses of men of rank, there are always
servants who are ready enough to pay court to their masters by betraying
their fellows. But my master had heard a very inaccurate account of this
adventure. So he directly inquired of me how the accident happened, and
whether it might not be attributed to the revenge of the husband of
Fabia. I was delighted at his giving me himself so fine an opportunity
for inventing a lie. I told him that two tall stout lubbers of footmen,
having observed me talking to Nicoleta in the lane, had thought proper
to begin joking me on the subject; that I had answered them; that from
words we proceeded to blows, and that in all probability I should have
killed one of them at least, had it not happened fortunately for him,
that a hog rushed furiously out of an inclosure near the spot, which
running against me had thrown me into the mud; and that when I sprang up
again to renew the engagement, my enemies had taken to their heels in
the most cowardly manner. His Excellency was completely duped by this
bragging recital. But though for that evening he was imposed upon, the
very next morning he learnt the whole truth, and at dinner time I did
not fail to hear of it. He bantered me pretty severely on my encounter
with the footmen, and honored me with the title of “The Knight of the
Hog.” I should have been the first to laugh at his jests if we had been
by ourselves, but the other servants were present, and of course highly
delighted to see me so jeered by my master, as they augured from that
circumstance, that I should soon cease to be his favorite. Another
circumstance still more vexatious occurred shortly after; one of the
Ambassador’s friends (who was consequently one of my enemies), waited
upon him, to communicate, as he said, a very important affair. My master
requested him to explain himself, which he did in these words, or at
least in terms of the same import: “The warm interest I take in every
thing that concerns you, compels me to inform you of a report which is
circulated in Rome, very much to your disadvantage. Guzman, whose
conduct is really very bad, passes for the agent of your pleasures. The
adventure of the hog is become the general topic of conversation, and
scandal has gone so far as to assert that Guzman was employed in the
execution of some love embassy when he became the sport of the
populace.”

It may be conceived that these words made a very great impression on the
mind of such a man as the Ambassador, who knew so well what became the
dignity of his character and the honor of the Prince whom he
represented. From that moment he resolved to get rid of me; and though
at that time he took no notice of it, and behaved towards me as usual, I
knew him too well, not to perceive that he dissembled, and what turn my
affairs were likely to take in that quarter. The season of Lent, which
now approached, furnished him with a plausible pretext to put in
practice the design he had formed of estranging me more from his person.

He said “that he was resolved to quit his course of dissipation and
libertinism, and live a more regular life. I will even confess to you,”
added he, “that I have abandoned my designs on Fabia. My reason is
restored. I see the great impropriety I committed in attempting the
seduction of that lady; her husband is one of the first men in Rome, and
I shall never cease to reproach myself with having meditated the
dishonor of his wife.” He discoursed with me frequently in this style,
and I pretended to believe him. I did more, I applauded his resolution,
and in my turn counterfeited the repentant sinner; telling him, that I
would follow his example. In fact, I altered my conduct, and made all
kinds of hypocritical grimaces, to induce the servants, and particularly
my master, to think that I had abandoned love intrigues for ever.




CHAP. XXXII.

_Guzman resolves to leave Rome on a Tour through Italy, with the
intention of visiting every thing worthy of notice in that Country._


I spent nearly all my time in my own room, where every day was passed in
reading, and in receiving a few visitors. One day, the young Spaniard
who had so generously proffered his services in the hog adventure,
chanced to call in, for the sole purpose, as he said, of inquiring after
my health. You will readily imagine that I did not fail to receive, in
the most cordial manner, a man to whom I felt myself so much obliged. I
repeated my most sincere thanks for his kind assistance on that
occasion, assuring him that I could not express how frequently I had
regretted that my ignorance of his name and abode had prevented an
earlier acknowledgment of his kindness. He answered with apparent
modesty, “that any thanks were superfluous; that being a Spaniard and a
man of honor, it was but a duty to afford every assistance in his power
to rescue a gentleman of my appearance from the insults of the mob.” No
sooner had he informed me he was my countryman, than I asked him in what
part of Spain he was born. “I am,” said he, “a native of Seville, and
Sayavedra is my name.” Upon hearing this, I redoubled my civilities, as
I knew it to be one of the most illustrious families in our city. His
accent was certainly Andalusian, and I was not myself better acquainted
with Seville: though in fact he was a native of Valencia, which he had
his reasons for concealing. I offered him my own services, and the
credit of my master upon any occasion he might require them. He thanked
me for my good wishes, and told me that he had a suit in the
Ecclesiastical Court, which he hoped would terminate favorably; but that
if the persons whose interest he relied on, should not be successful in
their exertions, he would certainly avail himself of my proffered
mediation in his favor. As in the course of conversation I happened to
mention that I might generally be found at home, as I very rarely left
the house, he inquired the reason. I frankly confessed to him that I did
not dare to shew myself in the streets since the affair of the hog; and
that I wished the circumstance to die away and be wholly forgotten,
before I ventured much into public. He very much approved of this, and
offered to accompany me himself with his friends, in case any
unavoidable event should oblige me to go out. I felt truly grateful for
so obliging an offer, and embraced him with every token of friendship,
and overwhelmed him with acknowledgments; he was not behind hand with me
in politeness, and though he very much approved of my reasons for
confining myself at home, he seemed to think that I must lead a very
tiresome life, and recommended me to travel; he mentioned Venice,
Bologna, Pisa, and Florence, assuring me that I should find each of
those places well worthy of my inspection, and concluded by remarking
that I could return to Rome whenever I thought proper, after the
disagreeable affair had blown over.

I gave Sayavedra to understand that nothing could be more to my taste
than what he proposed, and that I should not hesitate to follow his
advice, provided I could gain the consent of my master, as I wished to
be ruled by him in every thing. Then this imp of Satan, who was both
Andalusian and Valencian, and who had I dare say (according to his own
account afterwards) been a native of half the cities of Europe, gave me
such an engaging description of all the places he mentioned, that my
inclination to visit them increased vehemently. My thoughts were so
occupied with this scheme, that the ensuing day, as I was dressing the
Ambassador, I spoke to him in these words. “I do not know, my Lord, if
you will approve of a design which I intend to execute if I obtain your
permission. I wish to make a tour of Italy, and indeed I think it would
not be amiss if I were to absent myself from Rome for a short period.”
His Excellency could not repress his joy in learning these words.
“Guzman,” cried he, “I am charmed with the scheme beyond measure: yes,
my friend, you will act wisely to keep out of sight for a few months; it
will be serviceable to both of us.

“I am not ignorant of the reports which have been circulated to my
disadvantage, in consequence of your late adventure, which has in fact
made us the jest of the city. I have been confidentially informed of it.
In short we must separate. I have often wished to tell you so, but could
never resolve to undertake so disagreeable a task. Depend upon it,
Guzman,” continued this excellent master, “you shall find yourself in a
situation to travel in affluence to any country you may wish to visit:
you will be treated as a servant whom I esteem, and I part with you with
sincere regret.” When the Ambassador had concluded, I returned him a
thousand thanks for his favorable opinion of me, and for his kind
intentions towards me; and I had no sooner left his apartment than I
despatched one of the scullions for the carrier of Sienna. I had already
begun to pack up my clothes in three trunks which had served for my
wardrobe, when Sayavedra, whom I already reckoned among the number of my
friends, paid me a visit. He affected some surprise at the sight of my
clothes and effects, all spread out in my chamber, and my trunks open
before me. “Ah, Signor Guzman!” cried he, “do you then intend to follow
my advice?” “You have guessed right,” answered I. “I have mentioned my
intention to my master, who has given it his hearty concurrence. Every
thing is decidedly fixed upon. I purpose in two days time to quit Rome
for Sienna, where I shall make some stay at the house of a friend of
mine, a merchant of the name of Pompey. I am not personally acquainted
with him, but he has in his letters testified so much gratitude for
some services I have had it in my power to render him in this city, that
I have no doubt that he will be delighted with an opportunity of
repeating his acknowledgments to me at his own house. So that I expect
much pleasure in my stay at Sienna, whither I am going to send forward
my baggage to-day, addressed to the care of Pompey, that I may not be
incumbered with it during my journey.”

If Sayavedra paid all possible attention to this information, he
certainly paid no less to me, for while I was packing up my clothes in
the trunks, he took exact notice where I placed those of the greatest
value, and that he should see that I was possessed of such pleased my
foolish vanity and love of parade. A gold chain, some valuable jewels,
and three hundred good pistoles, which I had hoarded up during my stay
at the ambassador’s, did not escape his observation. I had wholly
quitted the gaming table, and I had saved up with the utmost frugality
every present that had been made me. Would to Heaven that I had been
destined to reap the fruits of my improved behaviour: but, alas! that
happiness was reserved for thieves, and not for me. I filled the other
two boxes with what was of less value, and having carefully locked them,
left the bunch of keys upon a table that stood by. We then continued our
conversation, until a lacquey came to inform me that I was wanted by a
person below. My room not appearing to be in a fit state for receiving
company, I begged my new friend to excuse me for a few minutes while I
waited on the person who wanted to speak to me. It was the carrier, whom
in the bustle I had almost forgotten having sent for. I told him on what
day I should set out, and that we might agree on the sum he was to
charge for the carriage of my baggage, I took him up stairs to shew him
of what it consisted. Meantime Sayavedra had done the deed. This
rascal, seeing the coast clear, took the impression of my keys on some
wax, which, I suppose, was part of the ammunition he always carried
about with him, and seeing a letter lying by, which he knew I had just
received from Pompey, he impressed that also into his service. I shewed
my trunks to the carrier, who lifted them up, that he might judge of
their weight. I gave him what he asked for their conveyance to Sienna,
and he withdrew, saying that he would return immediately with his people
to help him away with the boxes, and would set out with them in three
hours time. He had no sooner quitted the house than this friendly
Spaniard offered to take leave of me, under a pretence that his visit
retarded the preparations I was making for my journey. It was to no
purpose to assure him that he by no means incommoded me, nor even to
press him to stay and take breakfast with me: nothing could prevail upon
him to stay, as he was upon the rack of impatience to go and order the
false keys. “At least then, my dear friend,” said I, “acquaint me with
your place of abode. I can by no means think of quitting Rome without
returning your visit.” He replied that he would rather dispense with
that ceremony, and gave me to understand with a very mysterious air,
that he lived privately with a lady, and for reasons, which as a man of
honor he must conceal, he was under the necessity of debarring himself
the pleasure of receiving the visits of his friends. As after hearing
this I could urge him no longer, I suffered this favorite of the ladies
to depart, who, no doubt, hastened with all speed to his companions, to
consult on the measures they should adopt to get possession of my
trunks. He was in league with four rogues, who had for their leader a
famous and notorious thief, called Alexander Bentivoglio: he generally
conducted their enterprises, and assigned to each the part he was to
play, sustaining the chief character himself. But on this occasion he
yielded that honor to Sayavedra, who, being a Spaniard, appeared to him
the most proper person to represent a Castilian. As they were well
provided with disguises of all kinds, they dressed themselves in
character, and set off the next morning for Sienna, which they reached
on the following day. Sayavedra, followed by two of the others dressed
in livery, put up at the best hotel in the town, and gave himself out as
the gentleman in waiting to the Spanish Ambassador. As for Alexander,
who was well known for a rogue throughout Italy, he did not dare to play
the part of a third lacquey; but thought proper to lodge elsewhere with
the fourth cavalier of his company. Sayavedra, putting on a lofty air,
desired to be conducted to the best apartment in the hotel, and having
taken possession of it, sent one of the people to inform Signor Pompey
that his friend Don Guzman had just arrived post from Rome, but was so
fatigued with his journey, that he begged to be excused waiting on him
at present. Pompey, delighted at the arrival of Don Guzman, hastened to
pay his devoirs to a man to whom he was under so much obligation. He
flies to the hotel, and is shewn into a fine chamber, where he sees a
cavalier reposing himself upon a couch, who, seeing him approach, runs
to meet him with open arms. “Ah, Signor Pompey,” cries he, “I flatter
myself that you will pardon the liberty I took in sending my baggage to
your house.” “I can readily excuse that,” replied Pompey, with a smile,
“but I shall not so soon forgive _your_ coming to this place in
preference to my house.” “You are extremely polite,” replied the false
Don Guzman, “but, upon my honor, riding post has fatigued me so much,
that I could not think of being so troublesome.” “For that very reason,”
replied the merchant, “you would have been more comfortable at my
house.” “Another reason too,” continued Sayavedra, “opposed the desire I
had to alight at your door; I am merely passing through Sienna.
To-morrow I set out for Florence by the order of my dear master, who has
given me some commissions to execute in that place; wherefore, I thought
it best not to give you the trouble of receiving me for so short a
visit; but, to make amends,” added he, with a gracious smile, “I will
return in a few days, and promise myself the pleasure of making some
stay with you.”

Pompey did not let slip this opportunity of pressing him to take a
supper and bed at his house, though but for a single night, but he
declined it with so much earnestness that the merchant, fearful of
offending him, dropped the subject; after which he prepared to take his
leave, assuring him that he would not fail to return in the morning to
see him again before his departure, and wish him a pleasant journey.
Upon this, Sayavedra cried aloud to one of his valets, “here, Gradelin,
take these keys; they belong to my trunks. Signor Pompey will have the
goodness to allow me to send to his house for the clothes and linen
which I shall want during the next eight days. Don’t forget,” added he,
“to bring the dressing-gown, which you will find in the largest box.”
“Would it not be better,” interrupted Pompey, running inconsiderately
into the snare, “to let the trunks be brought here to you, when you can
take out what you want at your leisure.” “You are quite right,” said the
false Guzman, “I will make up a parcel of those things I shall
absolutely want, and put them into the smallest trunk, which I can carry
with me to Florence, and I will send back the other two, which I shall
be much obliged by your taking care of till my return.”

The merchant then quitted the hotel, and half an hour after my dear
trunks were carried thither by the companions of Sayavedra and one of
the grooms, accompanied by a person who presented to the false Guzman a
present from Pompey, consisting of a basket of fine fruit, and half a
dozen bottles of excellent wine. Sayavedra received this present with
all the politeness imaginable, and dismissed the bearer with a small
gratuity for himself, and a thousand thanks for his master.

No sooner were the trunks conveyed to the hotel than Alexander
Bentivoglio, who had already learnt the success of the scheme, hastened
to the spot. The false keys they had obtained opened two of them, and
they picked the lock of the third, which contained my money and jewels,
which they divided among them, or, to speak more correctly, which Signor
Alexander appropriated to himself: for he was a bully who awed the rest
of the gang, so that he gave them just such a share of the plunder as
he chose to part with. All that they received was thirty pistoles each,
and the least valuable clothes. After which, he filled the smallest
trunk with what remained for his share, and had the other two crammed
with straw and stones. Then, that no time might be lost, he despatched
one of the band to hire post horses to start by break of day for
Florence. This accommodation was easily procured by these worthy
gentlemen, who, when they paid the innkeeper, ordered him to send back
to Signor Pompey the two trunks which they left at the hotel.

While this fine game was playing at Sienna, I was employed very busily
at Rome in bidding farewell to my real friends, without the slightest
suspicion of this trick. Nothing now remaining but to bid adieu to my
master, I entered the room with a sorrowful countenance; and after
having assured him, that I should never forget his kindness towards me,
I threw myself at his feet and kissed his hand, which I bathed with my
tears. He was as much affected as I was, and testified extreme regret at
parting with me.

This excellent nobleman exhorted me to a virtuous course of life, in as
earnest and paternal a manner as if he had been speaking to his own
child. He even embraced me, and throwing round my neck a gold chain
which he usually wore, he told me, “that he gave it to me as a memorial
of his affection.” He added to this proof of his friendship a purse of
fifty pistoles, and one of the best horses in his stables. All the
servants followed his example, in expressing their unwillingness to part
with me: in truth I had never done them any ill offices with my master,
but had often rendered them services; so that there was not one of them
who had just reason to complain of me. I will not pass over in silence a
strange event which took place in Rome the day previous to my
departure, though it has no relation to my own adventures.

The Ambassador had just finished supper, when a Neapolitan gentleman
came in, who often visited at the palace: he appeared considerably
agitated. “My Lord,” said he to his Excellency, “I am going to relate to
you a most extraordinary tragedy; I have just heard it, and you may
perceive the effect it has had upon me.” “I am very impatient to be
acquainted with it,” said my master. I then placed a chair for the
Neapolitan gentleman, who having seated himself, began as follows.




CHAP. XXXIII.

_The loves of Dorido and Clorinia; or the Sever’d Hand._


A Cavalier of this city, called Dorido, a young man of an illustrious
family, an engaging person and great bravery, fell in love with a young
lady of the name, of Clorinia, who was about seventeen years old,
virtuous, beautiful, and of equal rank. The relations of this charming
girl brought her up with so much care, that they would not allow her to
make any connection by which her virtue might be at all endangered. She
was hardly ever suffered even to approach her latticed window, lest some
misfortune should be the consequence, as no one could gaze upon her
extreme beauty with impunity: either her father or her mother, or her
brother Valerio, attended her every where, and watched her every action.
Some months ago, Dorido having accidentally obtained a sight of her,
became violently enamoured: but could declare his love by no other means
than by casting empassioned glances towards the window of her chamber
when she happened to be there, as he passed by the house. If the homage
of his eyes was not always remarked by the object of it, at least it was
sometimes noticed; at all events, it was practised often enough to
produce the wished for effect.

Clorinia at first was satisfied with looking at the Cavalier without
being seen; but soon she felt a wish that he should see her also,
without knowing why she wished it, and answering by little and little to
his amorous looks, she at last conceived a passion in the same way in
which she had inspired it,--I mean by appearing at her lattice. Dorido
soon guessed that he had made on her all the impression he desired, and
since he was denied more, indulged himself in the transports of
believing himself beloved. Nevertheless, he sought to reap a more solid
satisfaction from his conquest. He contrived to form an acquaintance
with Valerio, and succeeded so well as to attach him in such a degree,
that they were inseparable. Valerio could no longer live without his
friend Dorido; they were always together, sometimes at one house,
sometimes at another. This gave Dorido an opportunity of sometimes
seeing his charmer, and even speaking to her, but never alone. The eyes
of the lovers alone communicated to each other the secrets of their
hearts. This state of affairs, however, did not last for ever. Clorinia
made her maid Scintila the confidante of her passion; this old woman,
who had wit, and wished to serve her mistress, called upon Dorido, and
having met with him: “noble Cavalier,” said she, “you need not attempt
to disguise the truth from me, I know the state of your heart. You love
Clorinia, and I am much mistaken if your love is not returned. You are
both dying with impatience for an interview, and I cannot see your
situation without pity; I shall never rest till I have procured you the
satisfaction you both so ardently desire.” The lover, transported with
joy at these words, thanked the Duenna for her good will, assuring her
that she should not find him ungrateful if she succeeded. Then making
use of so excellent an opportunity, he wrote a very passionate billet,
which he conjured her to convey to the amiable sister of Valerio.
Scintila returned immediately to her mistress, to acquaint her with the
step she had taken, and presented her with Dorido’s letter. Clorinia
blamed her for taking charge of it--but soon forgave her: and nothing
was now thought of but how to manage the interview with the lovers. The
lady raised so many difficulties, that she would have relinquished it
altogether, if the old woman, who was more ingenious, had not hit upon a
plan they both approved of. Scintila’s bedchamber was on the ground
floor; and adjoining to her room there was another, which was filled
with old and useless furniture: this room was lighted only by a small
window defended by two strong bars of iron, through which there was only
room sufficient for a hand to pass. This window, which was about five or
six feet from the ground, looked into a lane or blind alley quite
uninhabited; and the place appeared exactly suited to lovers, who were
satisfied to limit their happiness to conversation only. The old woman,
as soon as she saw her young mistress disposed to speak with Dorido
through this little window, hastened to inform the Cavalier, who on the
ensuing night at eleven o’clock placed himself at a convenient spot. He
approached the bars, where he found Scintila expecting him; who
requested him to wait patiently until the servants were gone to bed. He
did not languish long in suspense: the wished for moment soon arrived.
Clorinia came trembling to the window, at which her lover presented
himself in speechless agitation. As they both now loved for the first
time, they were agitated at the sight of each other, and the excess of
their feelings at first prevented them from speaking; but love has more
than one language. The lady passed one of her beautiful hands between
the bars of the window, and the lover clasping it with ardor, covered it
with a thousand kisses. At last, by degrees, they broke silence, and
indulged in passionate protestations of eternal love. Their souls were
so entirely occupied by the pleasure of seeing each other, that they
would have suffered daylight to find them together, if the old woman had
not interrupted their conversation to warn them that it was time to
separate. Before he would retire, Dorido entreated his mistress to allow
him to return the next night at the same hour to the window, and the
lady could not resolve to refuse him this favour. At last they
separated, equally delighted with the conversation they had just had
with each other, and filled with impatience for another interview.
Dorido especially was too much agitated to be able to take any rest, or,
to speak more correctly, he was miserable until the time of his return
to the window. You may easily suppose he did not fail to be punctual;
his mistress, finding no obstacle to her design, appeared again at the
same place, and their meeting was the second time less embarrassed by
timidity than the first. The Cavalier, who had a great deal of wit, said
a thousand fine things to his mistress, who replied to them in as lively
a manner. This conversation lasted for three hours, and their discourse
was mingled with innocent caresses; so that the second interview
pleased them both as much as the first. The prudent Scintila was again
obliged to separate them. Again and again they accused her of cruelty,
not reflecting, that though she disturbed their pleasures, it was only
with a view to render them more lasting; for, in fact, they continued to
enjoy their stolen interviews with so much secrecy and good management,
that not a soul living knew of them but the old woman and one other
person.

This other person was a young man of rank, named Horatio, a native of
this city. He also loved Clorinia, having by chance seen her at her
lattice, and had revealed his love to her by signs, but finding them
very badly received, he concluded that he had a rival who was more
happy, and judged that rival to be Dorido, as he was united in so strict
a friendship with Valerio. To clear up his well founded suspicions, he
sought out Dorido, who was one of his friends, to whom he spoke in
these words, “My dear Dorido, I am come to ask a favour of you, and I
conjure you not to refuse me; my happiness depends upon it. You are
continually with Valerio; you very often visit at his house, and I
cannot help thinking that you are in love with his sister: if I am
mistaken in my conjectures, oblige me by declaring it. You are too well
deserving the heart of that lady, for me to dispute it with you.” “You
love Clorinia then,” exclaimed Dorido, a little ruffled; “I confess that
I am quite charmed with her,” replied Horatio, “but nevertheless I do
you justice, and agree that you deserve better than I, the happiness of
being her husband.”--“Let us speak without flattery,” interrupted
Dorido. “I should doubtless consider myself highly honoured in becoming
the husband of Clorinia; but I frankly confess to you, that I have no
design to marry her.” “Is it possible,” cried Horatio, eagerly, “that
you do not mean to marry her? ah! my friend, how different are my
intentions from yours. My highest ambition is to unite my fate with
hers; your views should yield to mine: sacrifice the mad hopes you have
conceived. I expect this effort from your friendship and your virtue.”
“You might add,” said Dorido, “that I owe it to the family of Clorinia;
yes,” continued he, “I will leave the field open to you; and if
Valerio’s sister should accept your addresses and consent to give you
her hand, I will cease to be your rival. I will do more, I will speak in
your favour, and I assure you that in that case it shall not be my fault
if your wishes be not fulfilled.” Horatio was so well satisfied with
this speech, that he testified his gratitude to Dorido, without thinking
that his promise was only conditional, and therefore that he ought to
mistrust it. He made no reflection of this kind, but even requested
Dorido to use his good offices in his behalf with Clorinia. Dorido could
not but be touched at the frankness of Horatio; and being generous
enough to prefer the happiness of his friend to his own inclinations, as
his views were purer, he resolved to do all in his power to wean his
affections from this lady. In fact the very next time he saw her, he
addressed her thus: “You are not ignorant, Madam, that Horatio is added
to the number of your slaves, but I am doubtful whether you know how
truly he adores you. Learn then that he thinks only of you, and that to
receive your hand is the only wish of his heart.” “I am charmed to hear
it,” replied Clorinia; “my reception of him shall convince you how
little I wish for any other lover but Dorido.” “I well know,” replied
the Cavalier, “the value of preference so glorious for me, but I should
think that I abused your goodness, if I was not capable of some
self-denial; Horatio has many good qualities, and when you know him
better you will not be sorry, perhaps, if your friends should second his
wishes.” “How!” cried the lady, “to hear you is enough to make me
believe that _you_ would make me miserable; is it possible that you can
wish me to reply to the tenderness of Horatio?” “Never,” answered
Dorido; “I have no such thought: I only wished to convince you that if
you feel any inclination for Horatio, and your friends approve of his
addresses, my heart would in vain rebel; that I would sacrifice myself
to the happiness of my rival, to shew you how entirely devoted I am to
all your wishes.” “I fear,” replied she, “that the victim would be as
submissive as you represent him, and that your love for me is not quite
so sincere as you profess it to be. “But,” continued she, “I do not
pretend to put you to the trial. Dorido shall be my first lover and my
last: upon this assurance you may rely: let Horatio persevere as much
as he pleases in his love for me, he will never be more successful. I
will confess to you that I was acquainted with his passion, which I
learnt from his gestures before my window, and have been so little
pleased by it, that I have conceived a dislike for him, which almost
borders on hatred.”

After these words, Dorido did not dare to mention Horatio again, as he
perceived very plainly that the topic was extremely disagreeable to
Clorinia. He changed the conversation for the rest of the time they were
together, and the night was passed in mutual protestations of eternal
love. On the next day Dorido received a visit from Horatio. “Well my
friend,” said the latter, “have you seen Clorinia,--did anything fall
from her lovely lips which could be interpreted in my favour?” “I am
very sorry,” replied the other, “that I cannot give you a very
flattering account; you have but little room to hope; I extolled your
merit,--I pointed out the splendor of the alliance,--I represented you
as much more in love with her than perhaps you really are,--but the
cruel beauty silenced me by declaring that she could not reply to your
love, and that the soft bonds of Hymen should never unite her fate with
yours.” At these words, Horatio turned pale and fell into a profound
reverie, while Dorido sympathising in his grief like a true friend,
pointed out to him that he ought to relinquish his pretensions rather
than attempt to constrain the inclinations of Clorinia, and that there
were in Rome many other ladies equally amiable, who would do more
justice to his merit. “To conclude, my dear Horatio,” added he, “I am
sure I have given you no cause to be dissatisfied with me. I would
willingly have yielded the sister of Valerio to you, provided she had
been at all inclined to favour your passion. I would have made this
sacrifice to friendship. Can you now refuse to abandon a conquest that
you are by no means sure to gain?” Horatio then broke silence, and
replied to his friend: “Far from reproaching you, I must consider myself
under a great obligation to you for the service you have fruitlessly
attempted to render me, in pleading my cause. I confess that it is more
reasonable that I should renounce my pretensions to a hand which I am
not able to obtain, than that you should relinquish a heart which you
already possess--farewell my friend, I will spare no pains to enable me
to profit by your advice, and form an attachment elsewhere.” He quitted
Dorido as he concluded these words, and with an air which persuaded him,
that, struck by the force of his arguments, he intended to employ his
utmost endeavours to conquer his passion for a woman whose ingratitude
convinced him that he loved her too well. But his intentions were far
different. He looked upon Dorido as a traitor. “He is a false friend,”
said he to himself: “far from saying any thing to Clorinia in my favor,
he has only spoken to my disadvantage; however, be that as it may, I am
resolved to persevere; I will ask her in marriage through my father, who
will be more ready to serve me than my rival was.” Thus Horatio resolved
to impart his passion to his father, who approved of his choice, and
promised to interpose in his behalf, undertaking to speak to Clorinia’s
father on the subject; which he did soon afterwards. The two old men had
a long conversation together; and the result was that a marriage was
agreed upon, provided that the lady should show no repugnance to it; as
her father was resolved not to constrain her inclinations. But as soon
as a marriage with Horatio was proposed to her, she testified so much
aversion for that gentleman, that they lost all hopes of her ever being
more favourably inclined towards him, and every thing was consequently
broken off. How pitiable is the situation of that man whose love
tyrannizes over his reason! Horatio, seeing that his passion was
despised, and his rival triumphant, felt all his love changed into hate:
he now considered Clorinia only as an object of detestation; and
refusing to listen to the voice of reason, he desired nothing more
ardently than an opportunity to avenge himself at once on the lady and
her favored lover. He employed a faithful servant of his own to watch
them, and having by this means discovered the time and place of their
nocturnal meetings, he conceived one of the most cruel and horrible
designs that ever entered into the heart of man. One night he took care
to be in the lane before the arrival of Dorido, and approached the
grated window where the sister of Valerio had already placed herself.
The darkness of the night caused her to mistake him for the lover she
expected, and she addressed him with so much kindness that Horatio
became still more irritated than ever. The traitor took care not to
speak lest he should betray himself, but seizing with his left hand one
of the hands of Clorinia, which that lady, in her mistake, had extended
to him through the grating, he suddenly severed it from her arm with a
very sharp knife which he held in his right hand: after which he
speedily retreated from the lane, highly delighted with the success of
his scheme. Figure to yourself the deplorable spectacle which presented
itself to the relations of Clorinia, when, attracted to the spot by the
cries of Scintila, they rushed half undressed into the room where the
unfortunate lady lay stretched on the floor senseless, and weltering in
her blood. But when they perceived the loss of her hand, the unfortunate
parents fainted on the spot, and it was not without difficulty that
they were recalled to life by the exertions of Valerio and the servants,
who were aroused by the noise.

The father and mother being a little recovered, began to doubt as well
as their son, whether Clorinia were not to blame in this lamentable
affair. This was a mystery which Scintila could easily have elucidated,
if she had not thought it more advisable to defer this explanation until
a more convenient opportunity; so that they now thought only of saving
Clorinia’s life if possible. Valerio instantly withdrew to his chamber,
where he dressed himself with all expedition, in order that he might go
himself, and bring a very skilful surgeon, who was a friend of his;
while the father, after he had enjoined the strictest secrecy to all his
servants on the subject of this disastrous affair, endeavoured with
their assistance to staunch the blood of his daughter, by wrapping up in
linen the arm which had been so cruelly mangled.

Valerio was soon ready; he went out and first of all hastened into the
lane, to see if he could by the light of a lantern which he ordered a
servant to carry before him, discover the lost hand: but Horatio had
carried it away with him, and nothing was to be seen beneath the little
window but a track of blood running down the wall. The wretched brother
of Clorinia felt all his grief renewed at this sight; but as he
proceeded, he met and recognised Dorido, who was hastening towards the
lane with all the feelings of a happy lover. “Ah, my friend!” cried
Valerio to him in a mournful voice, “whither are you going? I see that
you are unacquainted with the tragic catastrophe that has just occurred.
Oh wretched Clorinia!” “Gracious Heaven,” cried her unfortunate lover,
“what misfortune do you deplore,--what has happened?” “A misfortune,”
answered Valerio, “which our family ought to conceal from all mankind;
but I will not hide any thing from you; I ought even to inform you of
it as a friend who will not refuse to assist me in discovering the
assassin of my unhappy sister.” These last words pierced Dorido’s heart;
in a faint and trembling voice he enquired what was the matter. Valerio
told him in a few words, and requested him to accompany him to the
surgeon, but Dorido refused, saying to him, with an air which shewed the
fury that began to animate him; “No no, Valerio, I shall employ my time
better; there is no occasion to engage ourselves both on the same
errand, when there is so much more to be done. Do you alone undertake to
conduct the surgeon to your house, while I seek for the barbarian who
could commit a crime which no one can hear of without trembling. If I
can discover this perfidious wretch, let him expect a chastisement
worthy of his treason. In a word,” added he, “leave me to revenge you; I
feel as acutely as you the misfortune of Clorinia.” Upon this the two
friends separated. Dorido returned homewards, vowing to listen only to
his anger in the revenge which he purposed to take upon Horatio; for he
could suspect no one but him of having committed this action. As soon as
he arrived at home, he shut himself up in his chamber that he might
freely lament the loss of his mistress. “My dear Clorinia,” cried he,
“my rival, envious of your love for me, has deceived you in the darkness
of this fatal night: you have mistaken him for your Dorido; I am then
the unhappy cause of the misfortune which has happened to you. Were it
not for me, you still would have been living in perfect peace with your
father. It is I who have assassinated you; but your death shall but
little precede my own. No sooner shall I have sacrificed Horatio to your
ashes, than I also will join you in eternal darkness. Oh that it were
permitted to thee to see and rejoice in the just vengeance which I will
inflict on the wretch who has dared to deprive thee of thy innocent
hand!”

Thus did Dorido bewail his mistress’s fate until day-break, when he
repaired to her house, where every one was in the greatest distress and
agitation. Valerio and his father seemed to be doubly afflicted at the
sight of him, and they embraced each other almost drowned in tears. “Oh
Dorido, my son,” said the old man, “my daughter is at the point of
death, having lost so great a quantity of blood as alone would be
sufficient to terminate her existence. Was there ever so unfortunate a
father? Who can have been capable of committing so horrible an act? What
punishment can console us under our present affliction?” “Sir,” answered
Dorido, “suspend we our lamentations for a while, and let us think of
one thing only which concerns us all. The author of this misery must
perish; I will inflict on him an adequate punishment. But before I
execute a revenge on him which shall astonish and horrify posterity, I
must make myself what I now am not. Receive me, therefore, for your
son-in-law; it will be more for the honour of us all that it should be
said that Clorinia was avenged by her husband, than by her father’s
friend.”

Both father and son accepted Dorido’s proposal most willingly. In fact,
it was very honourable towards them, and very necessary to prevent the
disadvantageous reports which might be circulated respecting their
misfortune. The old man went himself to acquaint Clorinia with it, who,
debilitated as she was from her extreme illness, shed tears of joy, and
exclaimed, with transport, that “were she but the wife of Dorido, she
could die contented.” She requested to be allowed to speak to him; and
as she had then but little fever, it was considered that this
consolation might be allowed her without danger; but no sooner did he
appear at her bed-side, than she fainted from extreme joy. She was soon
restored to her senses; but the surgeon, fearful of a relapse, would not
permit the lovers to converse together. They were obliged, therefore, to
express their thoughts by looks instead of words. Dorido, finding that
his presence seemed to console the invalid, would not leave her the
whole of the day. In the evening a priest and notary arrived, and the
marriage was celebrated before three relations, who had been sent for as
witnesses.

Clorinia was much better the two following days, and the surgeon seemed
to entertain some hopes of her life; but he was deceived. On the third
day the fever returned with such increased violence, that he pronounced
her dissolution to be at hand. Dorido, now giving her up for dead, no
longer delayed the execution of his vengeance. He went in search of
Horatio to every place in which he was likely to find him; and having
met him, he was most profuse in his compliments, and, as though he knew
nothing of what had happened, invited him to sup at his house. Horatio,
who had committed this barbarous action in the most private manner, and
who as yet had not heard the affair whispered either in the City or in
Clorinia’s neighbourhood, imagined that Dorido could not yet have heard
of it, and suspecting no ill design, went to sup with him as he had
frequently done before. They both sat down to table, and began to eat
and drink. Dorido had caused some lethargic drugs to be mixed with
Horatio’s wine; so that that gentleman soon fell into a sort of trance,
during which Dorido and his two servants bound his hands and feet, and
having slung a rope round his neck, with another rope they bound him to
a pillar in the parlour, after having carefully shut every door in the
house. In this condition they chafed his nose and temples with some
strong spirits and restored him to his senses.

When the wretched Horatio found himself so extremely fast bound that he
could not stir, he soon perceived the danger which threatened him, and,
hoping to soften his rival’s anger, he confessed his crime, and implored
his mercy in terms the most pathetic that his fear of death could
inspire him with. Useless were his prayers! he had to appease an enemy
who was inexorable, a husband who beheld his dying wife before his eyes!
Dorido, so far from being moved by his entreaties, cut off both his
hands himself, and bade his servants to strangle him, ordering them
afterwards to carry his corpse at midnight to the top of the street,
with his two hands tied to his neck. As for himself, not being able to
support the loss of his wife, he left Rome this morning. It is not
known whither he has directed his steps; and I am just informed that
Clorinia died a few hours after his departure.

The Neapolitan gentleman here concluded his story, which much affected
the Ambassador and his company, who deplored the lady’s untimely fate.
They pitied Dorido also; but all concluded by observing that in the
conduct of both the gentlemen there was manifested a spirit of vengeance
which savoured very little of Christianity.




CHAP. XXXIV.

_Guzman leaves Rome, and arrives at his friend Pompey’s house at Sienna,
where he hears bad news._


The day subsequent to this sad catastrophe, which was the general
subject of conversation in Rome, I took my leave of that city, well
mounted, but poorer, alas! than I imagined. Assuming a consequential
air, and anticipating much pleasure, I proceeded towards Sienna, where I
imagined my friend Pompey would be most anxiously expecting me. Having
arrived there, I repaired straightway to his house.

He was at home, and received me in a civil manner, though not without
evident embarrassment. “Signor Pompey,” said I, embracing him, “your
friend Guzman can scarcely express his extreme joy at being at length
introduced to your personal acquaintance.” My very name seemed to
astonish him. “How,” answered he with surprise, “can you be that Guzman
to whom I am under so many and such great obligations?” I was almost
frozen by these words, for I knew they could portend no good. “For what
possible reason,” cried I with emotion, “can you be so much astonished
at seeing me?” “You will soon know that to your cost,” replied the
merchant. “I see plainly that I have been duped, and that you are in
reality that Guzman d’Alfarache whom I expected.”

These words were like a thunder-bolt to me, and I instantly foresaw that
some accident had happened to my property. Impatient to discover the
truth, I intreated Pompey to explain himself more clearly. “Well then,”
said he, “you must know that there has passed through Sienna a cavalier
calling himself gentleman to the Spanish Ambassador, who came hither
from Rome, followed by two servants, on his road to Florence with
despatches from his master. This spark introduced himself to me as the
Guzman d’Alfarache who had been of so much service to me in my late
law-suit, and he had in his possession the keys of your trunks.” I
thought I should have fallen into convulsions even at these words, but a
more circumstantial detail of the whole adventure drove me almost to
madness. I requested to be allowed to inspect my trunks. He conducted me
immediately to the chamber prepared for my reception, and pointing out
two large ones, “There are the two that are left behind,” said he; “but
even these have been in their power as well as the third.” I sighed
bitterly when I recollected that my gold and jewels were in the one that
was missing. I failed not, however, to open the others, and should have
been somewhat appeased if the thieves, satisfied with having my money,
had not meddled with my clothes; but no such consolation was in store
for me.

In justice to Pompey, I must acknowledge that he was not less afflicted
than myself when I informed him that I had been robbed of two thousand
crowns. After all, however, his affliction may have been principally
caused by the fear that I should hold him accountable for the loss of my
property, whatever he might be able to urge in his own justification. So
far from thinking of making him uneasy on this point, however, I tried
all in my power to conceal the grief which consumed me. It appeared to
me that a man who wished to assume the carriage of a gentleman ought not
to shew much vexation at the loss of his clothes. Nevertheless, I was
really half distracted, and Heaven knows I had reason enough, not being
in possession of another coat except the one I had on, nor any linen
but two shirts in my portmanteau.

In vain did I rack my brain with conjectures as to who could be the
person who had taken the impression of my keys. I knew not whom to
suspect. As for Sayavedra, I esteemed him too sincerely to entertain the
slightest mistrust of him. It was not Pompey’s fault, however, if I was
so long in discovering the thief; for as, in his relation of this
affair, he described the person of the false Guzman, he gave me an exact
portrait of Sayavedra; the figure, the hair, the voice, and the manners,
were all his. So prejudiced was I in his favour, that I should have
thought it quite a crime to have suspected him on account of the
resemblance. I will say more: though I remembered that I had left him
alone in my chamber when the carrier of Sienna came to look at my boxes,
my respect for Sayavedra was proof against the recollection of even this
circumstance.

While my host and I were making very useless reflections upon my loss, a
servant came to tell us that supper was ready. We accordingly went down
into the parlour, and sat down to table with gloomy faces, and without
much inclination to eat. Pompey, perceiving that this vexatious affair
had completely taken away my appetite, said to me, “Signor Guzman, your
property is not so entirely lost as to render its recovery quite
hopeless. I have not been idle; the Bargello[A], who is a friend of
mine, has undertaken the pursuit of the thieves; and I assure you I
place great reliance on his exertions. He will return this evening or
to-morrow, and I trust he will be the bearer of good news.” “I hope so
too,” answered I; “but, between ourselves, I don’t think that much
confidence ought to be placed in persons of that kind: especially in an
affair where restitution is to be made.”

 [A] The Translator has not been able to meet with the word “Bargello”
 in either of the best Spanish Dictionaries; but presumes that it must
 signify a Magistrate, or perhaps inferior Officer of Justice.

Though the table was covered with well-dressed dishes and excellent
wine, we were so little inclined to eat or drink, that supper was soon
over. As I pretended to be very much fatigued, my host conducted me to
my chamber, and soon withdrew, to my great satisfaction, for I found his
conversation very tiresome. I spent part of the night in pacing my
chamber absorbed in meditation: and did not retire to rest till near
day-break; when my mind was so overwhelmed and fatigued with the
different thoughts that agitated it by turns, that at last I fell
asleep. My slumbers were soon disturbed; a loud noise on the staircase
awoke me suddenly, and I heard several persons vociferating at the same
time, “The thief is taken! the thief is taken!”

I drew back the bed-curtains, being scarcely able to believe my ears,
and I was going to rise, that I might know what to think of it; when in
rushed the merchant’s whole family, wife, children, and servants, all
speaking together, and repeating what I had heard before: I requested
the wife to explain the meaning of all this. “It means,” said she “that
the Bargello is expected in the course of an hour, with one of the
thieves in his custody: he sent one of his attendants forward to give
Pompey notice of it, who is dressing himself that he may wait upon you.”
My host was not slow in bringing this man before me, to whom I put some
questions, and he informed me, “that the thief who was taken was he who
had sustained the character of Guzman.”

This news revived me a little, and I began to flatter myself, that I
should recover at least a part of my effects, since we had apprehended
the thief. Pompey also indulged the same hopes, and the whole family
evinced the greatest joy at this fortunate event. I gave a pistole to
the man who had ridden all the way at full gallop to bring me the news;
and hastened to dress myself, that I might recognize the scoundrel who
had personated me. Pompey also prepared to accompany me, that he might
speak to the magistrates in my favour.

While we were conversing on the subject, a servant came to inform us,
that the Bargello was at the door on horseback, and that his myrmidons
were conveying the thief to prison. The merchant sent a request to the
Provost that he would alight and favour us with his company up stairs.

The Bargello, as great a scoundrel as ever was born, marched in with an
air of triumph. First of all he related to us the intrepid manner in
which he had secured the thief, and made me quite impatient by long
digressions which did little honour to his modesty. I interrupted his
heroic recital, to inquire what was of most importance to me to know,
namely, whether he could give me any information respecting my money.
“As for the money,” said he, with an air of great nonchalance, “he had
about him but five and twenty pistoles: which is not much to be wondered
at. Though he played the chief character in the piece, he is not at the
head of the gang. That honour belongs to a certain Alexander
Bentivoglio, of whom I have heard but too often: and who may yet some
day fall into my clutches; however,” continued he, “console yourself:
the scoundrel who is the cause of your misfortune is in our power, and I
promise you that he shall be hung.” I could scarcely repress my rage at
this impertinent discourse. I fairly wished them all at the devil
together. The Provost who talked to me in that manner,--his man who had
cost me a pistole,--and the merchant who, by his imprudence, had placed
me in this embarrassing situation. I began to be angry in good earnest.
The Bargello perceiving that so far from thinking of rewarding him as he
expected, I was highly dissatisfied, took his leave very much displeased
with my Lordship; and telling Pompey that if he had known that I should
have received his services so ungratefully, he should not have taken
much trouble about the affair.

As soon as he was gone, Pompey called for his cloak, and expressed an
intimation of going to solicit the judges. As for me, I had a great
curiosity to see the thief who was in prison, and having repaired
thither, it was with no small astonishment that I recognized Sayavedra;
though he had been accurately described to me. He threw himself at my
feet the moment he saw me. He was as pale as death, and earnestly begged
me to pardon him. “My dear Signor Don Guzman,” cried he, drowned in
tears, “have pity on a wretch who sincerely repents having betrayed
you.” He was going on in this strain, for he had prepared a long
harangue to excite my pity; but I did not allow him time to say more. I
loaded him with reproaches; but even while I thus reviled him I felt my
anger growing weaker every moment. All the feelings of indignation which
agitated me gave way insensibly to emotions of pity, which I should have
been weak enough to have suffered him to perceive, had I not hastened
from the presence of a traitor, who would at least have been condemned
to the galleys, if the administrators of justice in Sienna had acted
with a little wholesome severity.

The judges of that period however, as you will soon perceive, acted as a
thousand others have done before them, and ten thousand since. The next
day they sent to me one of their clerks to propose that I should bind
myself to prosecute the prisoner. I answered that I should be very
ready to do it, provided that they would engage that my lost property
should be restored to me; but that otherwise I would not: that I did not
wish for the death of the offender, and that hanging him would not at
all replenish my purse; in short that I wished for nothing but my money
and my clothes, and that I had given up all hopes of them, since they
were in too good hands for me to have any chance of regaining them. The
clerk had no sooner reported to the judges what I said, than considering
that there was no more spoil to be gleaned from this affair, except the
pistoles which they had taken from the thief they had secured, they
satisfied themselves with condemning him to the pillory for two or three
hours, and perpetual banishment from Sienna. These upright magistrates
urged in defence of so mild a punishment, that as the culprit had no
marks of branding on his shoulders, it was a proof that he had never
been guilty before, and that consequently he deserved some indulgence.
A pretty reason this for suffering a professed thief to escape! And is
it not a most judicious arrangement to banish him from the country where
he had robbed? It was as if they had said to him, “Go friend, and rob
elsewhere.”

I did not yet know what punishment the judges intended to impose on
Sayavedra, and I was at dinner with Pompey, when one his servants, who
had heard the sentence pronounced, rushed into the room quite out of
breath, and cried out with as much apparent satisfaction, as if he had
announced the restoration of my property: “Huzza! Signor Don Guzman, the
thief who has robbed you, is condemned to the Pillory and the iron
collar, and he is just now going to be fastened into it. It will be your
own fault if you do not witness his punishment.” I regretted at this
moment that this fool was not my own servant, and that I was not at
liberty to knock his teeth down his throat for it; for if ever I was
tempted to strike a man, it was upon this occasion. I was obliged
however to endure this mortification, as well as the cold treatment
which I experienced from that time from my host. He changed all at once
from one extreme to the other, and looked upon me only as a stranger who
incommoded him, and whom he wished to get rid of.

Is it possible! you will say. What the Pompey to whom you had been so
serviceable, and who in his letters professed himself so sincerely
obliged,--could this very Pompey repay you with ingratitude? alas it was
but too true. He assumed all at once a cool and distant air, and gave me
to understand by his behaviour, that he desired my absence. This conduct
was owing in a great measure to my telling him that I should not return
to Rome for some time. He concluded from this, that I should not have
it in my power to render him any further service, and in all
probability, as we should have no continued connexion between us, he was
quite indifferent as to whether I was dissatisfied with him or not. He
even went so far as to ask me without ceremony when I intended to
proceed on my journey. I answered him that I should set out the next
day; upon which he replied with a distant air, that he was sorry to part
with me so soon, though he never made the slightest motion to press me
to stay any longer. I was not a little vexed to think of having taken so
much pains to oblige a man who felt so little gratitude, that far from
offering me any assistance to make me some amends for what he had caused
me to lose, he was so unfeeling as to count the minutes with impatience
until I was out of his house. So that the first thing I did the next
morning was to take leave of Signor Pompey, and I took care by my
manner towards him, to let him see the opinion I entertained of his
conduct.




CHAP. XXXV.

_Soon after his departure from Sienna, Guzman meets with Sayavedra, whom
he takes into his service, and carries with him to Florence._


I was so anxious to escape from Sienna, that clapping spurs to my horse,
I disappeared like lightning from the eyes of the ungrateful Pompey.
After proceeding some miles, I perceived at a distance a man on foot,
who appeared exactly to resemble my thief Sayavedra. In fact it was he,
who, in pursuance of his sentence of banishment, was hastening to quit
the territory of Sienna, to exercise his talents in some other place.

I could not help feeling an emotion of pity, at the sight of this
miserable wretch; and thinking less of his treachery than of the
infinite assistance he had rendered me in the hog adventure, I could not
refrain from speaking to him. He also had recognised me, and when I came
near him, ran up to me bathed in tears, and, clasping my knees, he
entreated me a thousand times to pardon his ingratitude and his perfidy.
He added, that he wished with all his soul, to expiate his crime, to be
my slave for life; and that if I would receive him, I might rely on his
oath, that he would be the most faithful servant in the world. After I
had reflected on this proposal, I thought I had better accept it.

Do you not blame me, friendly reader, for encumbering myself with an
attendant whose character I was aware of, and who had already robbed me,
and would not fail to give me another specimen of his skill the first
opportunity? I know by my own experience, that evil propensities are
not so soon got rid of; but now that from my own poverty I had nothing
to lose, honesty did not appear to me to be an indispensable requisite
in a servant. In the _profession_ that I foresaw I should soon be
obliged to follow, I should I knew have occasion for a _virtuoso_, and
Sayavedra was one exactly for my purpose.

I took him, therefore, into my service; and I had as good reason
afterwards to congratulate myself on having renewed my acquaintance with
him, as I had before to regret that I had ever known him. He soon
convinced me, when we arrived at the inn where we intended to sleep,
that I had acted most wisely in attaching him to me. He was always on
the alert to contribute in every way to my convenience, and I could not
sufficiently admire the attention with which he endeavoured to
anticipate my every desire. In short, his extreme zeal, good
understanding, and spirits, conspired to console me considerably for the
loss of my goods. Very early the next morning we set out again, one on
horseback and the other on foot, and proceeded to Florence, which I had
heard so highly spoken of. Praised, however, as it had been to me, the
magnificence of its buildings amazed me exceedingly. Sayavedra, who
observed my astonishment, said to me with a smile, “it appears to me,
that you are somewhat agreeably surprised at the sight of this city.”
“In truth, you have guessed rightly,” replied I, “I am completely
charmed with it; I did not think there was another Rome in the world.”
“And yet,” replied he, “you see nothing of its beauties to what may be
seen. Some of the houses here, which might pass for as many palaces, are
ornamented within with some of the most beautiful works of architecture.
Florence may with great truth be called the eighth wonder of the world;
since it is the flower of flowers, and the flower of all Italy.”
Sayavedra then related to me the History of Florence, from the time of
the civil wars of Catiline.

My squire Sayavedra, who was well acquainted with the town, from having
lived there some time, conducted me to one of the best inns, where he
was pleased to make me pass for a Spanish gentleman, named Don Guzman,
and nephew to the Ambassador from Spain to Rome. With the greatest
effrontery he communicated my quality to the landlord _in confidence_.
Being without baggage, and having only one horse between us, seemed to
belie his assertions; but to throw something like the appearance of
probability on his story, he said that we had been obliged to set out in
great haste, and that we expected a servant to follow us instantly with
our trunks. Although the inn was full of gentlemen of the first
importance, I was shewn into one of the best rooms, the landlord having
been given to understand that I had come to Florence on an affair of
consequence, and that I should probably make a long stay; this caused
him to behave in the most respectful manner to me.

The next day, the prudent Sayavedra was of opinion that we ought to buy
a large chest, and give out that it contained our most valuable
property, though intending to fill it at our leisure with whatever
fortune might be pleased to send us. I approved of his idea, and charged
him to make the purchase immediately.

                            END OF VOL. II.

                London: Printed by J. Nichols and Son,
                  25, Parliament-street, Westminster.









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